A New Beginning
by Pippeloen
Summary: Takes place in the middle of season four. Sam and Andy are trying to deny that they belong together. Will they listen to their friends and open their eyes? What will bring them back together after all this time? WARNING: might contain spoilers for season 4.
1. Chapter 1

_So I'm back with another multi chapter story. Please be warned that this story might give away some spoilers that were given away in the promo's.  
This story takes place in the middle of season four._

XX

''You did what?'' Traci's mom voice immediately made Andy feel even more guilty than she already did. ''Andy, come one. I know things have been difficult for you..''

''I know, I know,'' Andy moaned while she laid back down on the couch and threw her arm over her face to cover her eyes. ''I was drunk, like completely and utterly wasted.'' Andy removed her arm again and looked at Traci. ''He was there and he's always there and he's a good guy,'' Andy defended her actions. ''Plus, he's attractive, right?''

''Sleeping with your friends will ruin your friendship,'' Traci warned. ''And by the way Collins was looking at you before, I'm guessing it wasn't just a onetime thing for him.''

Andy rolled her eyes and shook her head. ''Maybe it wasn't for me either,'' she tried. Before Traci could protest Andy continued. ''I mean, he's good looking, he's nice and he cares about me. What more do I want?''

''Sam?'' Traci filled in.

''He's with Marlo,'' Andy replied. She really tried to get over the fact that Sam was actually involved with someone else, but it was hard to wrap her head around. She knows now that it was stupid and selfish to believe that he would be waiting for her when she came back from project Dakota, but she did.

Of course she knew that they wouldn't be able to just jump back into their relationship, but she did think they would try to make it work. Every night since she came back, she heard his little speech in her head. '_You don't have to do have to do anything, okay? You don't have to do anything. I'm going to do it all, I'm going to do everything. I'm going to show you every day until you say yes. I'm going to make you dinner. I'm going to take out your garbage. I'm going to walk your dog'_

Andy wondered what would've happened if she would have turned down Luke's offer. What would have happened if she would have shown up at the Penny. Where would she be now? She felt like the fact that Sam had a new girlfriend now, somehow cheapened what he told her. How could he just get a new girlfriend when he told her he loved her?

'_You left,' _that little voice in her head told her once again.

''Sleeping with Nick is only going to make things more awkward.'' Traci really wanted to warn her best friend, but she was an adult and had to make her own decisions. ''Besides, army boy really seems to like you. Do you want to drag him into this as well?''

''It's a little late for that,'' Andy said. ''I know it wasn't my finest moment, okay? But it's Nick..,'' Andy said as if that would explain everything.

Traci raised an eyebrow and folded her arms together in front of her chest.

''He's a good guy,'' Andy said again. ''He's stable, funny, sweet and he's been there for me every time I needed him.''

''Do you have feelings for him?'' Traci asked seriously.

Andy stayed quiet for a while and shrugged her shoulders. ''I don't know. I think I could.''

''Fake it till you make it? You have already proved that that's a strategy that doesn't work Andy.'' Traci poured Andy another glass of wine and sat back down. ''He's one of your best friends,'' she tried. ''He's the ex of another friend of yours and he's clearly into you. Don't do this to him if you're not sure.''

''He's not into me,'' Andy tried. She and Traci had this particular discussion on more than one occasion.

''You don't see it because you are too busy sulking at Sam and Marlo, but Collins keeps looking at you like he's ready to eat you up.''

''We're friends,'' Andy tried again.

''Then why did he sleep with you?'' Traci asked. ''Was he drunk too?''

Andy thought back to that night and came to the conclusion that Nick probably didn't have as much to drink as she did. Even if he did, Nick could hold his liquor better than Andy.

''I thought so,'' Traci said when Andy didn't respond.

Andy closed her eyes and shook her head. Nick really was important to her. Probably the most important person in her life next to Traci and her dad. _And Sam_, her mind added, but she shook that thought off. Sam had made his decision and she wasn't it.

''I don't want to hurt him,'' Andy weakly let out. ''And I do really like him.''

''Then there's the face that he's Gail's ex,'' Traci brought up. ''Do you really think this is a smart move?''

Andy threw a throw pillow over her head and groaned again. ''Maybe I should just move to Montreal.''

Traci eyed her best friend and then grinned a little. ''Was it good?'' she asked.

''Yeah,'' Andy answered. And it was. It really was. It just wasn't the best she ever had.

-_The night before-_

_Andy took another sip of her scotch and felt her throat burn as the liquid made its way downward. She normally wasn't a heavy drinker, but tonight she wanted to forget. She had seen what turning to the bottle could do to a person, but for one night she didn't care. _

_She had an awful shift. Like working with Marlo wasn't bad enough, her partner had to shoot someone. Andy thought Marlo had fired to easily, but that didn't matter anymore._

_The woman she shot was in the ICU. Andy gave her statement and backed her partner up. Even when she didn't completely agree with Marlo's actions, Andy always remembered to have her partners back. A lesson Sam taught her in one of her first weeks as a cop. _

_It had been a difficult situation to judge, Andy had to give Marlo that one. Still, Andy believed in talking to people and tried to avoid firing her gun. _

_Of course Marlo had been a little shaken up about shooting someone and Sam was there to comfort her. Andy watched as her ex boyfriend threw his arms around his new girlfriend. She watched him press a comforting kiss against her temple. _

_Once again Andy was reminded about how different Sam was with Marlo. With her he always tried to be as professional as possible, aside from how they first got together of course. With Marlo though, Sam had no problem showing off his affection for her around the station. _

_Andy felt nauseated when Marlo stood up on her toes and pressed her lips to Sam's. So she quickly turned around and started to walk towards the Penny. She blinked away the tears in her eyes, angry that he could still make her feel so sad. _

_Once she reached the Penny she sat down on one of the barstools and ordered a scotch. She didn't even like it, but she wanted to remove the memory of Sam and Marlo. _

_When she was on her fourth scotch, Nick sat down beside her. ''Drinking alone?'' he asked cautiously. _

''_Yup,'' Andy said as she downed the rest of her drink in one gulp. She signalled to Liam to get her another drink and turned to Nick. ''Want one too?'' she asked. _

''_For me just a beer,'' Nick replied. ''Maybe you should switch to something lighter too?''_

''_Shut up,'' Andy said. She quickly grabbed her new drink and took another sip. _

_An hour and a half later, Nick was bringing Andy home. He called a cab and gave him Andy's address. When the cab reached her place, Nick got out too because he was worried she wouldn't be making it upstairs alone. _

''_I'm fine,'' Andy insisted as she grabbed her keys. She inserted the key in the lock and looked up proudly. ''Look, one try and the lock is open.''_

''_It's amazing,'' Nick sarcastically said. He flicked on the light and walked into Andy's apartment. ''You sure you're okay on your own?'' he asked again. ''I could stay, or I could call Traci.''_

''_Why can't be more guys be like you?'' Andy said out of the blue. ''You are such a good guy Nick,'' she praised him. ''You are always so good to me.''_

''_I think Gail would disagree with you on that one,'' Nick joked. They had broken up a month ago, this time it was final. _

''_She doesn't know what she's missing,'' Andy said. ''You are loyal and sweet and you are also very handsome.'' _

''_You're drunk,'' Nick stated. ''Go to bed Andy, sleep it off.'' _

''_No,'' Andy said. She took a step forward and placed her hand on Nick's chest. ''Really good looking,'' she said again. _

_Nick tried to resist her, but he couldn't. He tried to stop her, but he couldn't resist her. He had wanted her ever since they came back from the task force and now here she was, practically throwing herself at him. He knew that what he was doing was wrong, that this wasn't about him. His body and mind were in conflict, but his body won the fight. _

_When Andy came that night, she didn't think about the guy that was panting in her ear. She thought about someone else. Someone who's eyes were a lot darker. Someone who's touch would fire up so much more in her. _

_When she woke up the next morning with a pounding head, she found a little note on the pillow next to her. _

_-Had to go to work. Made you breakfast, it's on the counter. Have a good day off.- _

_Andy closed her eyes. What had she done?_

_XX_

Sam rolled over and looked at the woman lying next to him. Her brown hair was spilled over her pillow and her breathing was even.

Sam knew she had a rough night and when she asked him if he wanted to come home with her, he couldn't refuse. Even if he actually wanted some time for himself.

He thought back to the conversation he had with Andy in the truck two months before. He told her that Marlo wasn't complicated. She was easy.

At that time that statement was true, but things were changing in high speed. Marlo became more demanding and Sam didn't know what to think of that.

Of course, tonight he had to be there for her. Shooting someone was never easy and Marlo was doubting if she did the right thing. Sam knew that Andy didn't agree with Marlo's decision, but he read her statement and saw that she was backing Marlo up.

He was proud of her and that annoyed him.

Things between them were good now. Of course it was a little uncomfortable sometimes, but they tried to be friends. They were mostly succeeding. Their teasing vibe was back and they were able to work together like before.

Sam wasn't too happy that Marlo and his ex were working together on a regular basis, but he sucked it up. He knew they weren't friends, but he hoped they were able to keep things professional.

''Hey,'' Marlo said with a sleepy voice. ''Can't sleep?''

''No, it's nothing,'' Sam promised. ''Just go back to sleep.''

''Do you think I shouldn't have fired?'' Marlo asked as she shifted to lie on her back.

''I don't know,'' Sam answered truthfully. ''I wasn't there. You did what you thought was right.''

''McNally didn't agree with me,'' Marlo said. ''That girl is so naive. Thinks she can save the world.''

Sam tried to fight the urge to defend Andy. She was a big girl and if needed, she could defend herself. That's what he kept telling himself. ''She just tries to see the good in people. Believes that talking is the best way to get out of tricky situations.''

''That's naive,'' Marlo repeated. ''She has potential, but she still has a long way to go.''

Sam didn't respond to that, because he knew it would end up in an argument if he did. In his eyes, Andy was a good cop already. Of course she was naive sometimes, but that was part of her charm. She also saw things in people that most cops didn't. If it wasn't for her, he would've fired his gun at that kid in the school, just in the beginning of their relationship. She insisted that the gun of that kid was empty and he trusted her.

She was a good cop.

''What are you thinking about?'' Marlo asked again as she let her hand drift to his chest. She propped herself up on one elbow and leaned down to kiss him.

''Nothing,'' Sam said. ''Let's just go to sleep, I'm exhausted.''

Marlo looked a little disappointed, but nodded and laid back down. ''Sleep well,'' she softly said.

Sam just hummed in agreement and turned to his side, facing away from Marlo. After another half hour he turned back to his other side and wrapped his arm around her waist. He had made his choice and this was it. McNally was his past now and Marlo his present.

XX

''Brother,'' Oliver said when Sam put a beer in front of him. ''I knew there was a reason I liked you.''

''How was work?'' Sam asked. He had his day off and agreed to meet Oliver at the Penny after his shift. He knew that Oliver was going through a difficult time as well. He was trying to make it work with Zoe again, but things were far from perfect. Things were actually pretty strained and complicated if Sam read the expressions on Oliver's face right.

''Slow day,'' Oliver answered. ''Got to listen to Epstein going on and on about how much he misses Diaz.'' Oliver took a sip of his drink and shook his head. ''According to Epstein, Timmins isn't it for Diaz.''

Sam nodded and looked around at the Penny. He saw Nash sitting with Peck and some other girl he didn't know. Andy was nowhere in sight and Sam was thankful for that. Marlo was off from work until they cleared her, so she decided to spent a few days at her sister.

''Cruz doing okay?'' Oliver asked when Sam didn't respond to his story about the rookies.

''Sure,'' Sam answered. ''She's visiting her sister for a few days. Clearing her head or something like that.''

''That's good,'' Oliver said. ''How are things between the two of you now? You talked to McNally already?''

''We talked,'' Sam just said. When Oliver raised an eyebrow Sam shook his head. ''I'm with Marlo.''

''I don't know who you are trying to convince about that relationship,'' Oliver said as he shook his head. ''But it's not you man.''

''What?'' Sam asked. ''She's smart, funny, easy to be around. It's working fine like this.''

''Fine isn't what she wants, not on the long term. And then hearts will get broken and that's just a waste of everybody's time.'' Oliver took another sip of his drink and pointed the bottle towards Sam. ''You need to figure out what you want buddy. McNally is not going to wait around forever.''

''Oliver,'' Sam warned. ''We talked about this. She left, she made her decision. She didn't want to work at it and that's that. I'm with Marlo now and things are good.''

''You keep saying that she's the one that left.'' Oliver knew he was walking on dangerous land here, but he needed to say it. ''But you are the one that broke up with her. Besides, you were the one that told me to not keep score. It seems to me that that's exactly what you are doing.''

''McNally and I don't work together.'' Sam was getting annoyed with Oliver and wanted to get this conversation over with. ''You and Zoe, that's a different story. You have been together for a long time. You have kids together.''

''I needed to try again with Zoe,'' Oliver explained. ''If I didn't, I would've always wondered if things could be different. If I would have been able to give my girls a real family if I would have made different choices.''

''And?'' Sam asked.

''It's hard,'' Oliver said. ''It's difficult and it hurts, but at least I'm trying.''

Sam nodded and felt bad for his best friend. He knew he loved his family more than anything, but Zoe and Oliver had drifted apart so much. ''Why try if it only hurts?''

''Because at least I know I'm doing everything I can to make it work. At least I can say that I've tried my hardest if it doesn't work out. And I never have to wonder if things could be different.'' Oliver took a deep breath and took the last sip of his beer. ''You say that you and McNally didn't work, but that's a lie and you know it. You didn't let it work.''

''Shaw,'' Sam warned.

''No, you gotta listen to me,'' Oliver interrupted. ''This thing with Marlo, it's only going to end up in one big mess. I know you're trying, but it's not going to work.''

''It is working,'' Sam said. ''Things with her are easy.''

''They won't always be, take that from me. And where would you rather fight for? Something easy or something actually worth fighting for?''

Sam looked down at his drink and rubbed at his neck.

''Think about it buddy,'' Oliver said as he clapped his friend on the back and stood up.

XX

''I'm sorry about last night,'' Nick immediately said when Andy opened her door. ''I didn't want to take advantage of you. I should have stopped you.''

''Nick, don't,'' Andy immediately said. ''I'm the one that should be sorry. You tried to stop me, but if I remember correctly, I was pretty determined.''

''Still, I was sober and,'' Nick continued.

''Don't,'' Andy warned again. ''I'm the one that's sorry, okay. If there's anybody that is to blame for this, it's me. I really hope I didn't screw anything up between us.''

''Of course not,'' Nick immediately said. ''Of course not,'' he said again. ''We're good, okay.''

''Okay, good,'' Andy answered. ''I'm really making a mess of my life, right?''

''You were sad,'' Nick argued. ''Those things happen and it's going to be fine.''

''Still,'' Andy said. ''Of all the people I could sleep with I chose the most stable guy that has been in my life in like.. well ever maybe. And besides that, you're Gail's ex.''

''Gail doesn't care about what I do anymore,'' Nick said while he flipped down on Andy's couch. ''She says she's done with men, she doesn't care what I do anymore and now she's dating some girl named Holly.''

''What?'' Andy practically yelled out. ''How did I miss that? When did that all happen? She's gay now?''

''She says she is,'' Nick shrugged his shoulders and looked at Andy. ''I don't know anymore. It's probably best if I just leave her alone.''

''Who would've thought,'' Andy said. ''Look at us. One year ago we were all happy, except for Dov. Now he's the one with the steady girlfriend. Traci is still grieving, Chris is unhappy in Timmins, Gail turned gay out of the blue and we're two losers.''

''Speak for yourself,'' Nick teased. He had gotten pretty good at downplaying his feelings for Andy. He knew she was still in love with Sam and he tried to respect that. It was getting harder by the day though, especially now he knew how it felt to be with her.

''It's true,'' Andy said with a pout. ''You turned your ex gay and my ex apparently never really cared for me, because he seems so much more happy with his new girlfriend.''

''One, I did not turn Gail gay, thank you very much. And second of all, you don't know if Swarek is happy. If you ask me, Cruz needs to lighten up a little.''

''He said she's funny.'' Andy crossed her arms in front of her chest and leaned back into the couch. ''She's not funny, right?''

''She's not,'' Nick agreed.

When they were undercover Andy really had him convinced for a while that she was over Sam, but that was quickly out of the window when they got back. ''And I'm not a loser,'' he quickly added. ''And Gail didn't turn gay because of me either.''

''Dork,'' Andy said with a laugh as she stretched out on the couch. ''What do we do now, huh? This sucks.''

''Stop,'' Nick warned. ''It's his loss Andy, don't do this to yourself.''

''I know,'' Andy said in a mocking voice. ''I Andy McNally, am still a kickass person and just because my relationship failed doesn't mean I'm a failure.''

''You need a new mantra,'' Nick replied. ''This one is getting a little old.''

''You came up with it,'' Andy argued. ''Besides, I like it. It has a ring to it.'' They were both quiet for a moment and then Andy took a deep breath. ''He's happy with her, isn't he?''

''What?'' Nick asked. He didn't see that one coming.

''I tried to tell myself that he would turn around if I would be his friend. That he would realise we were good together, but he's not going to turn around, is he? He's happy with her. He's actually showing her off to the people around him, he never did that with me. I wonder if he even meant what he said.''

''Andy, come on,'' Nick tried. ''Don't do this to yourself.''

''It's true,'' Andy replied. ''We never went on real dates, he never told me anything about how he felt until it was too late, he never showed affection in public and now he's parading her around the station. Maybe I just didn't mean that much to him.''

''His loss,'' Nick immediately said. ''If he doesn't see how amazing you are, then he's the idiot, okay?''

''I feel like I am.'' Andy sat up and hugged her knees to her body. ''All this time I was trying to believe we could make it work, turns out I'm just one big joke.''

Nick scooted a little closer to Andy and grabbed her chin. ''Hey.'' He forced her to look up at him and gave her a weak smile. ''You are one of the most passionate and kind people I have ever met. And you're so beautiful, inside and out. It's Swarek's loss and you need to get over him.''

''I tried,'' Andy argued.

''No you didn't,'' Nick protested. ''All you did since we've been back is trying to make him see what he's missing. He has missed his shot Andy, you need to realise that he's an ass that doesn't deserve you.''

''He's not an ass,'' Andy defended him. ''He's complicated.''

''Yeah, he still doesn't deserve you,'' Nick repeated. ''Go back out there, go out, have fun and get him out of your system.''

''Maybe..'' Andy softly said. She knew it was time to move on. She felt pathetic waiting around for a guy that clearly was only interested in being her friend. It was time that she took control over her own life again.

''Not maybe.'' Nick brushed a strand of hair away that fell for Andy's eyes. ''You're beautiful,'' he softly whispered.

Andy felt him moving in and she felt like she didn't know how to move anymore. When their lips connected she froze. The kiss was chase and quite innocent, but she still didn't know what to do.

Yesterday she had been drunk, all those times they had kissed before was because they had a job to do, but tonight kissing Nick was a whole different story.

''You deserve someone who wants you,'' Nick told her.

''Okay,'' was all Andy could say.

''I know you're not ready for anything, but I want to take you out,'' Nick pleaded. ''You think we could do that sometime?''

Andy felt a little blindsided. Traci had been telling her that Nick seemed to be interested in more than friendship, but she never believed her. For a moment she let herself imagine it, being with Nick. They got along, he treated her good and in her mind she thought he should be every girls dream.

He wasn't hers.

Still, he could be. She imagined that she could fall for him. For his caring eyes and his good heart. She could fall for him, she felt it.

Besides, she was sick of watching Sam be with Marlo. She deserved to be happy too. And Nick could make her happy. He had been there for her through one of the hardest years of her life. ''Okay,'' she heard herself say while her mind was still spinning a hundred miles an hour. ''We could do that sometime, yes.''

Nick quickly kissed her again and Andy felt herself kissing back. When they broke apart after just a few seconds Nick looked really happy and Andy forced herself to smile back. ''Nick,'' she quickly said. ''I'm not..''

''I know,'' he said as if he could read her mind. ''Just a date.''

Andy felt relieved that he knew what she meant. She really didn't want him to spent the night with her again. ''I think I'm going to turn in.'' Andy hoped Nick would get her hint.

''Yeah sure. I'm going to go home.'' Nick stood up and Andy showed him out. She was kind of surprised when he gave her a tender kiss on the cheek.

She could make this work.

At least, she thought she could.

XX

_Well, it's obvious that people are going to get hurt.  
I realise that a lot of people will probably hate to read about Sam and Andy with other people, but that probably won't last too long ;). We all know that it's never going to work out.  
Please review!_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Chapter two of A New Beginning. I hope you'll bare with me, even though the beginning probably is probably hard to get trough if you've got a McSwarek heart. **_

_**Has anyone else noticed that is acting a little weird lately, or is that just me? Reviews are not showing up on the site..**_

_**My English might suck a little, it's like a million degrees over here and I can't even type normal in my own language today.. Sorry!**_

XX

''What are you going to tell him?'' Traci asked. Andy had just told her best friend about what happened between her and Nick. Traci felt really bad for Andy. Obviously she didn't know what she felt anymore.

''I don't know. I don't want to hurt him and I think that going out with him wouldn't be so bad. I mean, I have to start dating again at some point, right?'' Andy was trying to sort out the mess in her head, but so far she wasn't succeeding.

''Casual dating is fine Andy,'' Traci confirmed. ''But not with someone that's already so close to you. Nick and you have become so close over this last few months, don't ruin that.''

''Why does it have to be casual?'' Andy asked. ''I've never really casual dated anybody. Besides, Sam and I broke up nine months ago. It's not like it would be a rebound thing.''

''You might have broken up nine months ago, but you're still not over it. That means it would be a rebound thing.'' Traci was trying to be really patient with Andy, but she frustrated her. She really wanted to protect Andy from the hurt it would have cost if she would lose Nick too, but at the end of the day Andy had to make her own decisions.

''Why can't you just fall in love with the people you choose for yourself?'' Andy asked. ''That would be so much easier. I mean seriously, there has got to be something wrong with me, right? First I fall for a guy that can't be faithful to me and then I fall for a guy that's emotionally unavailable. Now there's a perfect guy that is interested in me and all I feel is friendship.''

''See, you admit it,'' Traci said. ''You only feel friendship for Nick.''

''But it could be more,'' Andy insisted. ''Like I said, on paper he's perfect for me.''

''You can't force love Andy, don't even try it.'' Traci took the coffee mugs from the table and stood up. ''Hook up with random strangers, just don't go and date Nick.''

''I already told him that if we go out, it won't be serious immediately.''

''You told him exactly that?'' Traci asked with a raised eyebrow.

''Well, maybe not exactly that, but he probably got the message.''

''Oh my god Andy. You are helpless,'' Traci said as she shook her head. ''Do something before anybody gets seriously hurt. You know how it feels to be on the receiving end of that, don't do that to someone else.''

''I don't want to talk about me anymore,'' Andy protested. ''How's Leo doing?''

Traci sighed and shook her head. ''It's hard,'' she admitted. ''He's acting out at school and he's quiet when he's home. We had a fight last week and..'' Traci was silent all of the sudden.

''What?'' Andy asked. She noticed the look on her friends face and saw something was wrong. ''What did he say?''

Traci took a deep breath and looked Andy in the eye. ''He said I don't care about him and I'm always working. Then he said that he wanted to live with Dex permanently. He said he wished that I was dead instead of Jerry, because Jerry at least spent time with him.''

''Trace,'' Andy managed to get out. She noticed that Traci's eyes were glistening and she felt incredibly bad for her best friend. ''You know he didn't mean any of that.''

''He wouldn't have said it if he didn't at least think it at one point,'' Traci said when one tear fell down. ''Why does everything have to be so complicated? I just wish I could talk to Jerry, ask him for advice. Let him tell me what to do.''

''I know,'' Andy softly replied. ''Just remember that you are a good mom Trace. Everybody can see that and of course it's hard. For you, but also for Leo. Why don't you take a few days? I'm sure that Frank would understand.''

''I know,'' Traci agreed. ''I just miss Jerry.''

''I know.'' Andy hugged her best friend and let her hide for a moment. ''Everybody misses him. I can't even imagine how hard things must be for you and Leo.''

''I worry about him. I don't know if I should hold on tight or just let him go for a moment. Last week he actually pushed a boy that's three years older than him. We were lucky that that kid wasn't aggressive.'' Traci shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. ''I don't know what to do.''

''I'm sorry Trace.'' Andy felt bad that she had been going on and on about her problems. Her problems were nothing compared to what Traci was going trough. She was sulking about Sam, but at least Sam was alive. At least she got to see him every day and she got to be his friend. ''Is there anything I can do for you?''

''No,'' Traci said after she took a deep breath. ''I have to figure this one out by myself. It will be okay, maybe it's best if he moves in with Dex for a while.''

''You're his mother Traci,'' Andy tried to help. ''He needs you too. If you need some time alone, then it's fine to let him spent some time with Dex, but don't make him feel like you're sending him away. The two of you need each other.''

''I know. Maybe I should take your advice and take the weekend off.'' Traci thought about what she could do with her son. ''He could invite a friend and we could go do something fun.''

''That's good,'' Andy encouraged. ''He probably just misses his mom and he's been through a lot. It's not that weird that he's acting out and asking for some attention.''

''I know,'' Traci agreed. ''Thanks Andy. It helps to talk about it.''

''Of course,'' Andy said without thinking about it. ''I mean it, anytime I can do something for either you or Leo, just name it. Maybe I can hang out with him sometime next week too.''

''I'm sure he would like that,'' Traci smiled weakly and whipped her tears way. ''Now let's go jogging, because we said we would do 7K this morning.''

XX

''Detective Swarek,'' Marlo said as she walked into the D's office and towards Sam's desk a week later. ''You look good this morning.''

Sam had an awful night, so he was pretty sure he did not look good at all. He barely slept for a minute and he really wasn't in the mood to be the fun and attentive boyfriend right now. He just couldn't do it. ''Hey,'' he said.

''Something wrong?'' Marlo asked. ''Have you been working all night?''

''No,'' Sam answered. ''Just got a major headache, that's all. Didn't sleep at all. Just got here an hour ago and since then I've been staring at this paper and I didn't get any work done yet.''

Marlo took place behind Sam's chair. She put her hands on his shoulders and started to massage his neck and shoulders with her hands. Sam closed his eyes and hated how annoyed he was. He didn't know what it was, but lately everything annoyed him.

''How about you come to my place after shift?'' Marlo asked as she leaned forward. Her mouth was just next to Sam's ear. ''I'll cook for you and then you can get the extended version of this. I'll make it worth your time.''

Sam took a deep breath and shook his head. ''Not tonight,'' he said. ''I'm just going to go straight home and sleep. Probably won't be such good company anyway.''

''I don't care,'' Marlo tried. ''I like taking care of you. Maybe I can even dig up a nurse uniform somewhere.''

''I said not tonight,'' Sam said a little more firmly. When he turned around and saw the expression on Marlo's face he turned around. ''I'm sorry,'' he tried. ''I just really have a major headache. It's better if I go home and sleep.''

''Yeah, sure.'' Marlo softly said. ''Are you sure we're okay? You've been a little absent lately.''

''Like I said, lack of sleep. Sorry that it makes me such an ass.'' Sam turned around again and tried to focus on the file that was right in front of him. ''I really need to get back to work.''

Marlo nodded and leaned forward to kiss Sam on the cheek. ''Okay, I'll see you later. Call me if you'll change your mind, okay?''

''Sure,'' Sam said, even though he knew very well that he wasn't going to be changing his mind anytime soon. He really hated how he was acting, but he didn't know what he wanted anymore.

He had seen Andy around the station with Collins. When they returned from the task force it seemed like they were just friends, but now Sam wasn't so sure anymore. The thought of Andy with anybody else pissed him off, even though he had absolutely no right to be mad about it.

He still felt an attraction towards her, but he knew he couldn't act on it. Despite of what Oliver said, he knew they weren't good together. When he was with her he was a mess. He didn't know how to be with her. His feelings for her were suffocating.

He tried to make it work, but when Jerry died he realised that one day he could lose her. And if that had to be so, he'd rather be the one that called that shot. So he let her go, he set her free.

It seemed like the right decision at the time, but weeks later he realised that even if he let her go, he wouldn't magically stop loving her.

He told her he loved her, he told her that he wanted her back. She didn't feel the same way. No matter what she told him later, if she had felt the same way he felt about her, she wouldn't have walked away.

Yet she walked away again.

The first time she left him, he got it. She was with Luke and only came to him for comfort. It had hurt, but he could understand why she had done it. The second time she left him was a little harder to get over. He had been kidnapped and tortured by a psycho criminal. He needed her that time. Of course he was to proud to tell her that, so when she texted him that she was leaving town he let her go.

When she got back he had trouble letting her back in. Everything in his body wanted to be with her, but for his own protection he kept her at a arms length. And with good right, because she left him for a third time.

Sam knew he had to make peace with the fact that Andy McNally and he would never be on the same page. They could try all they could, but they had to stop hurting each other.

He had Marlo now and that was what it was.

Andy McNally was in the past.

XX

Andy was just getting ready for shift when Marlo entered the locker room. ''McNally.'' Marlo nodded at Andy and opened her locker.

''Hey,'' Andy said. She knew that Marlo would be back at work today, but that did not mean that she had to like it. She didn't have to like it at all. Andy actually found it easier to work without Marlo there. Without Marlo there Andy could pretend that Sam wasn't with someone new and that actually worked really well for her.

''Ready to be back?'' Andy asked. She knew how hard it was to return after a shooting. And even though she didn't like Marlo, she didn't wish that feeling on anybody.

''What?'' Marlo asked as she turned around again. ''Oh, yeah. I did what I had to do, I'm good. Do you know if that woman made it?''

Andy barely believed her own ears. She wasn't even the one that fired the shots, but she did call to ask if the woman was going to be okay. Apparently Marlo wasn't the same type of cop as Andy wanted to be. ''She's going to be okay,'' Andy said. ''All though you could've called the hospital to ask that for yourself.''

''I was busy McNally. If that woman didn't want to get shot, she shouldn't have tried to attack a cop.'' Marlo opened her notebook and pulled out a piece of paper. She smiled when she hung it on the inside of her locker. When Andy looked up she felt like someone punched her in the face. On the inside of Marlo's locker was a picture of Marlo and Sam. And they looked happy. _Very happy._

Andy quietly finished getting ready and walked towards the parade room. She sat down next to Dov and smiled weakly when he asked her how she was doing.

''Hey,'' Nick's voice pulled her from her thoughts. ''Long time no see.''

They had actually not seen each other for only a week, but for the two of them that was a long time now. For six months all they could trust was each other. That brought the two of them close together.

''Yeah, we worked opposite shifts,'' Andy said. ''I saw that you called this morning, but I had plans with Traci and figured I would see you here.''

''Wanted to see if you needed a ride,'' Nick explained. ''Sure you're okay? You look a little pale.''

''Fine, we wanted to do 7K this morning, but I did 8. Maybe I pushed it too hard.''

''Gotta build it up McNally,'' Nick advised. ''Your body is used to only 5, so don't overdo it. We could start running again in the mornings if you want?''

Andy smiled at him and realised that Traci was absolutely right. She knew how it felt to be on the receiving end of a broken heart and she really didn't want to do that to Nick. He meant to much to her and she really cared for him. ''I was talking to Traci about maybe stop running and going to the gym to do some boxing. My arms could use some training.''

''I can help you with that,'' Nick said. ''Before I went to Afghanistan I used to spar all the time.''

Andy was thankful when Frank started with handing out assignments. She really didn't know how to deal with Nick right now.

When shift ended Andy quickly changed back into her civvies and weakly smiled at Nick when she walked out of the locker room and saw that he was waiting for her. ''Need a ride to the Penny?'' he asked.

''Actually, I think I'm just going to walk home. I'm exhausted.'' Andy wasn't lying, she was completely spent.

''You sure that you can handle working out before shift?'' Nick teased. ''Looks like you have some trouble keeping it together partner.''

''Shut up,'' Andy laughed and shook her head. ''Just didn't sleep so great.''

''I'll drive you home,'' Nick offered.

Andy shook her head and looked at Nick. ''It's okay. The fresh air will do me good.''

''Are you avoiding me?'' Nick asked.

''What?'' Andy's head snapped up and she shook her head. ''No, of course not.''

''Because it feels like you are. I thought we agreed to not let last week get between us?'' Nick said. Andy could hear the hurt in his voice and felt guilty. ''I told you that I was sorry if I crossed a line.''

''Nick,'' Andy started. ''I don't blame you for anything, I already told you that. I was the one that initiated it and you tried to stop me.'' Andy took a deep breath and shook her head. ''I'm just not sure about the part we agreed on after that?''

''What?'' Nick asked.

''About that date?'' Andy softly said. ''I'm sorry Nick. You know that I care about you so much and you're one of my best friends, but I don't want you to be a rebound. You deserve so much better than that.''

''I sort of figured that,'' Nick replied. ''When you weren't answering my phone calls and all.''

''Okay,'' Andy said as she lifted a finger and pointed it at Nick. ''That was one phone call and I told you that I was with Traci.''

''No, sure,'' Nick joked. ''Way to let a guy down Andy.''

''Stop it,'' Andy said as she smiled. ''You're such a nerd.''

Nick laughed and shook his head. ''We good?'' he asked softly.

''Yeah,'' Andy said. ''We're good.''

Nick nodded towards his truck and held the keys out. ''So, home? Or were you trying to ditch me to avoid the awkward conversation?''

Andy grabbed Nick's keys and walked towards his truck. ''No, home indeed,'' she said. ''I'm beat.''

''Weak,'' Nick yelled out. ''I actually think I own it to my fellow citizens of Toronto to give you some personal training. Their streets really aren't that much safer if the cops can't even run 7K and then work a shift. It really wasn't even a busy shift. You're getting old Andy.''

''It was 8 kilometer,'' Andy defended herself. ''And I had trouble sleeping last night, so I was not in top shape. And I really don't think personal training sessions with you will do me any good. I mean, I did outrun you every single time we ran together.''

''I let you win, you're a girl,'' Nick teased. ''But I gotta say, I am flattered that you had a difficult time sleeping because you were so excited to see me.''

Andy sighed and rolled her eyes. ''And here I was worrying about bruising your ego.''

Nick laughed and watched Andy put the truck in drive. They made small talk and laughed when they were on the way to Andy's apartment. When she put the truck in park again, Andy leaned back into her seat and looked at Nick. ''We really are okay, right?'' she asked one more time.

''Yes Andy,'' Nick promised. ''We're good. I get it.''

''Thanks Nick,'' Andy said as she unbuckled and got out of the truck. When they met in front of the truck Andy gave Nick a small hug. ''You really are the best.''

Nick returned the hug and pressed a friendly kiss on Andy's hairline. ''Sleep tight Andy.''

XX

Nick walked into the Penny and sat down on one of the barstools. He glanced around and saw that Dov was sharing a table with Chloe. Marlo was sitting alone at the other side of the bar and there wasn't anybody else that he knew.

Nick decided to have a quick drink and then head home too. He was a little disappointed about Andy's decision, but it wasn't like he didn't see it coming. At least she was honest with him. Nick knew that she would get over Swarek eventually and then maybe she would see that they could be good together.

The next day Nick was partnered with Gail. He sighed and headed towards the cruiser. It's not like they broke up on really bad terms. Gail said she didn't trust him anymore. Plus she was fairly certain he was falling for someone else, something he denied.

''Collins,'' Gail said. ''Step it up, will you? Bad guys out there that need to be caught.''

The first ten minutes they drove in complete silence. It was Gail that broke the silence. ''I think it's better if I warn you now,'' she said. ''Andy. Still in love with Swarek. Always has been, probably always will be.''

''Thanks Gail.'' Nick sarcastically said. ''How's your girlfriend?''

''Touchy subject?'' Gail asked. ''She's not my girlfriend.''

''Friend with benefits then?'' Nick said annoyed. ''Whatever you call it these days.''

''Just trying to warn you Nick,'' Gail said a little more serious. ''This thing between Cruz and Swarek is also just a joke. He still gives Andy sad puppy eyes whenever he thinks nobody is looking. It's kind of pathetic actually.''

''Maybe you should focus on yourself instead of other people, Gail.'' Nick took a breath and looked to the side. ''Or focus on work, that would work too.''

''I would just hate to see you get hurt,'' Gail said in her sweetest voice.

''Actually, I think that you would love to see that,'' Nick replied. ''But thanks for your concern, I'm good.''

''Still pretending to not have feelings for Andy?'' Gail asked. ''Not really doing a convincing job, but anyway..''

Nick faced Gail and shook his head. ''Does it bother or something?'' Nick asked. ''You seem to be a little jealous.''

''Please,'' Gail responded. ''You can do whatever you want. I believe that I was the one that broke up with you, not the other way around.''

''So you would be fine with it?'' Nick asked. ''It wouldn't bother you one bit if Andy and I would be dating?''

''Go for it,'' Gail said. ''But I can guarantee you that you are the one that gets hurt in the end.''

XX

Sam parked his truck and walked towards the store in front of him. It was a hot day and he was very early for work. He decided to buy a drink before work, seeing how everything the machine at the station had to offer wasn't quite his taste.

Just as he was about to enter the shop, Andy walked out with a smoothie in hand. ''Sorry,'' she said as she bumped into him. ''Oh, hey,'' she quickly said. ''Sorry, didn't see it was you.''

''That's okay,'' Sam quickly said. ''What are you doing here? Isn't it a bit early for you?''

''I was supposed to work out with Traci, but she cancelled on me last minute. So I figured I'd buy a drink and take my time getting ready.''

''It will be refreshing from having to rush into parade with thirty seconds to spare,'' Sam joked.

''Hey,'' Andy warned. ''I have gotten better. Since I've been back I haven't been late once. Actually don't even have to set an alarm clock, because I'm always awake at 5:00.''

''You doing okay?'' Sam asked with concern in his voice.

''Yeah, you know.. Just a little trouble getting back into a normal rhythm. When we were undercover we were mostly living during the night and sleeping during the day. It's just weird to switch back.'' Andy wasn't really concerned about it. It just felt like a long jetlag.

''You're talking to someone, right?'' Sam asked. He knew it was mandatory to see the shrink once or twice after you came back from an undercover operation.

Andy shrugged her shoulders and turned red when she remembered her last appointment. She had said very little about her job, but she had said a lot about the man standing in front of her. ''Yeah, you know the drill,'' she quickly said. ''Talk things through, making sure my head is in the right place.''

''You'll get there,'' Sam said. ''It just takes time to adjust to your old life. Is Collins having trouble sleeping too?'' Sam actually really didn't want to know if Andy was aware of Nick's sleeping patterns, but the question was out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

''Ugh,'' Andy said. ''Nick doesn't sleep ever. Even when I slept like five hours a night he was awake when I went to bed and awake when I woke up.''

''Maybe because you sleep like the dead,'' Sam teased.

''Well, not anymore. Don't think you know me mister. There's a lot that changed about me.''

Sam knew that was true. He had seen the tattoo on her ribs. Couldn't get it out of his mind actually. Wondered what it said and what it meant to Andy. He wondered why she got it in the first place. He mostly wondered what it would look like from up close.

''Yeah I guess,'' he said. ''A lot of things have changed,'' he said without even thinking about it.

''Yeah. Who would've thought that you would join the suits?'' Andy said. ''Looks like I don't know you that well either, because that was about the last thing I expected to come back to. And you not drinking coffee anymore, it's weird.''

''If you don't know me, I don't know who does.'' Sam shook his head and squinted his eyes together. He knew that she knew more about him than anybody else. Even if he never gave away that much about himself, he knew she figured out a lot on her own.

''Maybe your girlfriend?'' Andy said. She raised an eyebrow and looked a little hurt actually.

''No,'' Sam said without even thinking about it. When he realised he had actually said that out loud he swallowed. ''I mean, she doesn't know how I used to take my coffee.''

''Right,'' Andy said slightly confused. ''I'm going to go.''

''Need a ride?'' Sam asked like he had done a million times before.

''No, the weather is too nice to waste. Bye Sam.''

''Bye McNally.'' Sam watched her walk away again. He got really sick of doing that...

XX

_**A/N: Please review, they motivate me to keep on writing and I love reading your critics, good and bad. **_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks so much for all the awesome reviews and alerts, I read them all with joy. **

XX

Andy walked out of the station and the sight that met her made her heart sink. She saw Sam near his truck and Marlo was with him.

Andy had been working with Marlo once again. Halfway through shift Marlo had been feeling unwell. She nearly fainted. Andy sat with her to make sure that she was alright. Andy had gotten her something to eat and something to drink. While Andy insisted that Marlo went home, Marlo insisted that she had a job to do.

Throughout the whole day Marlo had been feeling weak and Andy could see it. She knew it wasn't her job to sent a superior officer home, but she was close to doing it.

What Andy saw next broke her heart, again. She saw Sam lean into Marlo, giving her a hug. After that he handed her something. When Andy saw Marlo getting in the truck her heart stopped for a moment. Sam took a step back and watched as Marlo drove away.

Sam let Marlo borrow his truck. Sam was never big on words, but he was big on actions. Andy knew that Sam letting Marlo borrow his truck meant that he was serious about her. He cared about her. He was happy with her.

All of the sudden realisation kicked in. All this time Andy was determined on fighting for Sam. She thought that if she showed him that she had grown, that he would want her back. Right now she knew that he wasn't interested anymore.

This thing with Marlo wasn't just a fling. He was serious about it.

Andy shook her head while Sam turned around. For a moment he just stood there looking at her. They were about two steps apart, but to Andy it felt like there was an ocean between them. She shook her head again and tried to get past him.

''Hey,'' Sam said. ''Marlo told me that you kept an extra eye on her today.''

''She was my partner today,'' Andy quietly said. ''I did my job.''

Sam nodded and looked at Andy. ''I trained you well.'' Sam smiled faintly. ''Always have your partners back.''

Andy shook her head again and got mad all of the sudden. ''What?'' she asked. ''You thought I wouldn't look out for my partner just because you're dating her now?''

''Andy, that's not what I,'' Sam tried.

''No Sam,'' Andy warned. ''No. You can do whatever you want. I don't care anymore.'' Andy turned around and quickly walked away from Sam.

Sam stayed frozen to his spot. He didn't really get what just happened. He really hadn't meant anything with his comment. When Marlo came into his office announcing that she was sick, he knew that she wanted him to take her home.

He was busy though, but he didn't want to be a complete ass. He knew he wasn't going to win any boyfriend of the year awards anytime soon and he felt really bad towards Marlo. So he offered her his truck and told her to take it home with her. He could always get a cab later.

When he saw Andy he wanted to talk to her. He just wanted an excuse to see her for a moment, because they had hardly worked together over the last week. He didn't know what he said that had gotten her so angry, but it proved to him once again that she was complicated.

He didn't want complicated.

He couldn't do complicated.

He needed to let Andy McNally go. That was the only option.

XX

''God,'' Andy cursed when she sat down on a barstool at the Penny. ''I need a drink and I need it now.''

''What happened?'' Nick asked. ''What did Swarek do this time.''

Andy gave Nick a glare and squinted her eyes together. ''You know what?'' she asked. ''I don't want to talk about it. I have been wasting my time on him. He does not deserve my time anymore.''

''When did you come to that conclusion?'' Nick cautiously asked. Just a week ago Andy was determined on getting Sam back. This change of attitude was definitely surprising to say the least.

''I should have come to that conclusion ten months ago.'' Andy quickly ordered a beer when she had the barkeepers attention and turned to Nick again. ''And you know what? He said that he apologized, but he didn't. He said he made a mistake, but he did not say the words sorry or apologize.''

''Andy,'' Nick tried to interrupt.

''And his jokes, God,'' Andy groaned. ''All he ever does is make jokes when things get serious.'' Andy took a sip of the drink that Liam put in front of her. ''I am done. Over him.''

''You said you were going to fight for him just a week ago.''

Andy looked mad and shot Nick an annoyed glare. ''I was stupid a week ago.''

''Andy,'' Nick tried again. ''Let me give you a ride home, okay?''

Andy shook her head and raised her glass. ''I'm staying here. I'm having fun.''

''You don't look like you're having fun,'' Nick argued. ''Actually it looks like you're upset and I don't want you to do anything you regret later.''

''I'm not going to do anything stupid,'' Andy said a little more quietly. ''I just don't want to go home yet. I promise you that I'm going home alone tonight Nick.''

Nick sighed and put his hand on Andy's shoulder. ''I have to go,'' he said apologetic. ''Call me when you get home, okay?''

''I'll be fine Nick.''

''Just call me, please.'' Nick continued to look at Andy until she gave him a small nod. ''Take a cab. No walking home alone in the middle of the night.''

''Promise.''

A little while after Nick left, Gail walked into the Penny. She sat down next to Andy. ''So McNally, drinking your troubles away?''

''Nope,'' Andy said, popping the P.

''Looks like it.'' Gail ordered two tequilas and one beer and handed Andy one tequila when Liam got them to her. ''You know that Swarek is totally faking it with that SWAT girl, right?''

''Looks pretty happy to me.''

''Oh Andy, come on. You two are seriously the two most frustrating people I have ever met.'' Gail downed her tequila and put her glass on the bar again. ''Swarek is just trying to convince himself that he's happy.''

Andy rolled her eyes and turned to Gail. ''Since when are you an expert on feelings?'' Andy asked.

''I'm not. You guys are just super easy to read.'' Gail smiled and faced Andy. ''I know you slept with Nick,'' she said out of the blue. Andy's head snapped up and her eyes widened. ''He didn't tell me.'' Gail took a sip of her beer and turned back to Andy. ''I saw you leave together and I was working the night after, so I saw Nick's guilty face.''

''I was really, really drunk.'' Andy covered her face with her hand and shook her head. ''I would never sleep with one of your exes in a normal state of mind.''

''I did.'' Gail shrugged. ''I thought you knew that actually.''

''What?'' Andy quickly said. Her mind wondered back to eight months ago. She left Sam behind, but Nick left Gail behind too. The thought of Sam and Gail finding comfort in each other's arms was sickening. Even though she had no right to feel that way.

''God can you be more transparent?'' Gail asked as she rolled her eyes. ''Callaghan, not Swarek.''

''You slept with Luke?'' Andy's voice went up an octave.

Gail shrugged and looked around the bar. ''After Chris and I broke up. It was sort of like friends with benefits. Only we weren't really friends, so I guess we just had the benefits.''

Andy looked a little shocked, but didn't blame Gail for anything. She had no feelings for Luke anymore. ''Okay.'' Andy couldn't really think of a better response.

''I don't mind you sleeping with Collins,'' Gail said. ''Sleep with him all you want, I'm done with him.''

''He thought you left for France Gail,'' Andy defended Nick. ''He couldn't know that you were here waiting for him.''

Gail huffed and shook her head. ''It was the second time he left actually,'' she argued. ''And I don't want to be with someone who can't keep his eyes off someone else.''

Andy turned her gaze to her drink and refused to look up.

''It's okay Andy. I don't really blame you for anything. Nick is not a bad guy, but he is kind of a loser.''

''What do you mean?'' Andy asked.

''He left me twice,'' Gail stated.

Andy snorted. ''His loss,'' she said. ''His ego is kind of bruised now that he turned you gay.''

''What the hell is wrong with people?'' Gail yelled out. ''It's 2013. I go out with a girl a few times and I'm gay?''

''You're not?'' Andy asked.

''I'm having fun,'' Gail answered. ''Innocent fun where nobody is going to get hurt, but where everybody has a good time.''

''Sounds good to me,'' Andy replied as she bottomed her drink.

Gail sighed dramatically. ''Go and get Swarek back. I don't like Marlo. I want Noelle to come back. Maybe if you hook up with Swarek again, Marlo will leave.''

Andy snorted and shook her head. ''Apparently she's easy,'' she told Gail. When Gail looked at her with a raised eyebrow, Andy explained herself. ''I talked to Sam a week after I got back. I asked him why he chose her now. He told me that she wasn't complicated, she is easy, she's fun to be around and she isn't me.''

''Swarek is an idiot,'' Gail commented. She looked over her shoulder and saw Holly enter the Penny. ''I'm gonna go.''

When Gail stood up Andy stopped her. She was lost for words for a moment. ''Gail, just..'' Andy took a deep breath and looked her friend in the eye. ''I am really sorry for sleeping with Nick. I always told myself that I wouldn't do that with an ex of a friend.''

''Andy, seriously,'' Gail stopped her. ''I get it, okay? You were lonely and he has been the only person in your life for six long months.''

''Nothing happened while we were undercover,'' Andy defended herself. ''I know you and me weren't that close when we just started here. So when you slept with Luke things were a little bit different. But you really are one of my best friends.''

''Andy, stop. I'm not exactly a girl code kind of girl, okay?'' Gail glanced behind her back and looked back at Andy. ''We done here?''

Andy chuckled and nodded. ''Yeah. You girls have fun.''

''Thank you!''

XX

When Sam finally finished his paper work he looked up at Traci. ''Time to go home Nash,'' he said while he yawned. ''It's been a long day.''

Traci checked her watch and sighed. Leo would be in bed already. ''Maybe I'll just see if I can find some new leads for the McGrey case,'' she told Sam.

''Nash,'' Sam warned. ''We've already worked twelve hours today. You need to go home, kiss your son goodnight and get some sleep.''

''My son is already in bed,'' Traci argued.

Sam shook his head and looked at the woman who was engaged to his best friend only a year ago. ''You've got to take some rest.'' Sam shut off his computer. ''I know it's easier to come to work and not think about everything that has happened...''

''It is,'' Traci agreed as she put on her coat. ''It seems like you got the same attitude, only we both play it a little differently.'' Traci took a deep breath. ''She still misses you, you know that?'' Sam swallowed and looked down at his desk. ''I'll see you tomorrow,'' Traci quietly said as she made her way out of the office.

Sam stayed in his seat for a while and then headed for the locker rooms. When he checked his phone he noticed that he had three missed calls, all from Marlo. He also had two texts from her. In the first text she asked him when he would go home. In the second text she asked him to come to her place. She felt miserable and wanted him around.

Sam made a fist with his hand and let his knuckles turn white from the pressure he put on his fingers. He didn't want to go to Marlo's place, but he knew it was probably better if he went. Not going over to your sick girlfriends apartment seemed like the wrong move.

So Sam showered quickly and went to Marlo's place by cab. He got in with the spare key that she had hidden so he could let himself in. He immediately went to her bedroom, not knowing what else he should do in her apartment alone. He never felt at home at her place. Her place actually looked a lot like his, so the fact that he didn't feel at home was a little bit strange. Marlo wasn't really the decorating type, so her place was pretty basic.

As soon as he walked into her bedroom, Marlo turned around. ''Hey,'' she weakly said.

''Hey,'' Sam replied. He sat down next to her and when she grasped his hand he looked at their joined fingers. ''Feeling better?''

Marlo shook her head no. Sam put his hand on her forehead and felt that she was a little bit warm. ''I'll go make you something to drink,'' he told her. ''Did you eat at all?''

Marlo shook her head again and coughed. ''Afraid I'm going to throw up again.''

Sam nodded and let go of Marlo's hand as he stood up. ''Well, it's probably better if you eat something anyway.''

He made her something simple to eat and brought her a glass of water. While she was eating he excused himself to clean up the kitchen. The kitchen wasn't even that big of a mess, but somehow he just couldn't sit in awkward silence. McNally had really rubbed off on him.

When Marlo finished eating she let herself fall back into her pillows. Sam took her plate and glass away and came back with a bottle of water. '"For if you get thirsty,'' he explained. ''I'm going to head home.''

Marlo sat up again and looked him in the eye. ''Can you stay?'' she asked. ''I don't want you to get sick, but if I'm contagious I probably already infected you.''

Sam really didn't want to, but couldn't find any arguments. ''Sure,'' he answered. When he got under the covers Marlo pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Marlo nodded off pretty quickly. Sam however spent the entire night awake. He kept wondering how he got here. How did his life become _this _messy?

XX

''McNally, Collins, my office,'' Frank barked out before parade.

Andy threw a puzzled look at Nick, but he seemed just as surprised as she was. Together they walked towards Frank's office. When they entered he told them to sit down. ''The drug squad has requested you,'' Frank started.

Andy's eyebrows went up and her breath quickened. She couldn't leave everybody behind again. She was still processing everything that happened the last time she did that.

Frank probably noticed her response, because he immediately filled in some blanks. ''It's no long term undercover. Just an in and out kind of thing. Make sure the deal is done, get it on tape and get out.''

''Why us?'' Nick asked. He knew that there were a bunch of people that were specialised in that sort of thing. Even after a six month's operation they were still undercover rookies.

''Nobody else is free and you two proved that you can pose believable as a couple,'' Frank explained. ''It would have to be tonight.''

''I'm in,'' Nick immediately said.

Andy swallowed and looked at Nick. She knew he would have her back no matter what. She owed him the same. ''Me too.''

Ten hours later Andy walked into the male locker room. Nick was supposed to be outside already, but he didn't show up. When she heard vomiting sounds from the toilet she knew enough.

Nick came out and he looked awful. ''You can't go in,'' Andy immediately said. ''It's too dangerous like this.''

''We'll be fine,'' Nick answered. ''I probably got it all out now.''

Andy shook her head and blocked Nick's way. ''There's a virus going around the station. It's not a 24 hour thing from what I've heard. You need to have your head in the game tonight, if you don't we're both in danger.''

''What do you want me to do?'' Nick asked. ''They are counting on me and you are not doing it alone.''

Andy sighed and watched as Nick rubbed his stomach. ''We'll go talk to Frank,'' she said. ''No discussion Nick, this thing is too dangerous to go into like this.''

Frank agreed that it wasn't a good move to sent Nick in. They needed to find Andy another partner and they needed him fast. Frank told Andy to go finish her make-up, they would find her someone.

Half an hour later Traci walked into the female locker room. She had an apologetic look on her face. ''What?'' Andy asked. She knew that Traci and Sam were working with the drugs squat on this case. ''Don't tell me it's off?'' Andy pointed at her excuse for a dress and hooker boots. ''I didn't put this on for nothing, did I?''

''No, it's on,'' Traci explained. ''Thing is, we needed to find you someone fast. And we needed someone that already knew the case because there's no prep time.''

''God,'' Andy groaned. ''Sam's going in with me?''

''It was his idea.'' Traci shrugged her shoulders. ''Frank agreed that it was the smartest moves. The two of you know each other's moves and you've always worked together well.''

Andy shook her head and slammed her locker closed. ''Why the hell did he volunteer?'' she asked. ''Doesn't he realize that it's going to be awkward to work together? We don't need awkward. We need to be believable as a madly in love couple.''

''Well, I don't think that's going to be a problem,'' Traci joked. Andy shot her an annoyed glare so she shut her mouth. ''It's time Andy, we need to get going. Just focus on getting the deal done. I'm on the cover team, so I'm right behind you.''

Andy walked out of the locker room and saw Sam standing in Frank's office. Apparently they were done, because Sam came out and walked down the stairs. ''You ready?'' he asked.

''Ready as I'll ever be,'' Andy muttered.

Besides the fact that Sam took Nick's place, nothing changed. Everybody knew what they were supposed to do, so Andy and Sam got into the car together.

''You know how it's going down?'' Sam asked.

''Yes,'' Andy replied. ''I'm there to back you up. You do the talking. We met in Vancouver and ever since we met, I tag along with you.''

Sam nodded and focused on the road. ''Good. You can do this McNally.''

Andy didn't answer but just stared out of her window. ''Why did you volunteer?'' she asked after a minute of silence.

''I was the best guy for the job,'' Sam truthfully answered.

And that was true, he was. He also didn't trust anybody else to have her back though. He knew this was a potentially dangerous operation. With Collins dropping out, he knew he was the only one that knew Andy well enough to be her partner.

As soon as Sam parked the car he checked the mirror to see if the cover team was in place. ''You know the sign?'' he asked just to be sure she was comfortable with it.

Andy sighed and tried to avoid Sam's eyes. ''Yes,'' she answered. ''As soon as the deal is done, we kiss, they bust us.''

Sam nodded and put his hand on her knee. ''You can do this,'' he said again.

Andy didn't answer him, but just opened the door. When they walked towards the area where their meeting would be, Sam grasped her hand.

When their hands made contact, Andy jumped a little. She knew she had to look like she was comfortable with him, so she forced herself to relax.

''You cold?'' Sam asked when Andy shivered.

Andy didn't really know what cold was whenever Sam was near, but she couldn't exactly tell him that. ''This dress doesn't cover much,'' she replied. ''It gets a little chilly.''

Sam almost groaned when she mentioned the lack of length on the dress. Even though Sam would never want her to go out like this, she did look incredible. She was showing off her long legs and her dress hugged every curve on her body just right.

Sam's grip on Andy tightened when their targets came into sight.

''You John?'' one guy asked.

''That depends, you have what we agreed on?'' Sam shot back. He looked at the man that moved to Andy's right. He didn't like the way that the guy was looking at her at all.

''Who's this lovely lady?'' the man asked.

Andy turned around a little and crossed her arms in front of her chest. ''I'm his girlfriend.''

''Nice job John.''

The guy that talked first stepped in. ''As lovely as it is to get to know each other, I have other stuff to do.'' He nodded towards a van that was parked a view steps from there. ''Your product is in there. You got my money?''

''Right here,'' Sam said as he held up a bag. ''Need to check the product first though.''

''It is a shame that we can't just trust each other, is it?'' The guy smiled and nodded at Andy. ''Let your girl check.''

Sam looked at Andy and then looked at the van. He knew that the cover team would be able to reach her if something was up and he didn't see anything out of the ordinary, so he gave her a small nod.

Andy slowly walked towards the van and opened the door. She left the door open and opened a view bags that were lying in the back of the van. All the bags were filled with drugs.

She walked back to Sam seductively and smiled. ''Looks like we're going to make a lot of money babe,'' she said with a small grin.

Sam nodded and looked back at the guy that apparently was the one doing the talking. ''You ready to give me the keys to that van?''

''Need my money first,'' the guy answered.

Sam handed over the bag and waited for the keys. As soon as he got them he turned around to face Andy. ''Where did you say you wanted to go on a vacation again?'' he asked with his typical undercover smirk. ''It's all possible now.'' Sam dipped his head down and when their lips connected things finally felt right again.

It was supposed to be a chase kiss, but neither one of them broke it. Andy gripped Sam's jacket and pulled him closer while he slipped his hands across her waist.

They were forced to break apart when their colleagues ran towards them. Everybody had their guns out and lights were flashing. The deal was done, it was time for the bust.

While Andy was being cuffed by some guy she didn't know, she looked at Sam. He looked just as confused as she felt.

The night before she swore that she was done with him, but that kiss proved to her that she wasn't. Every fiber in her still craved him.

Sam looked at Andy and knew that he needed to be honest with himself. He wasn't over Andy and he doubted that he would ever be.

XX

**A/N: I was planning on letting Sam stay with Marlo for a while longer, but then I figured that the show would probably torture us enough with that. **

**Hope you enjoyed, please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks for your support on this story. I find it interesting to read that so many people ship Nick/Andy. I am not one of those people, so the story definitely won't be headed into that direction. Sorry if that disappoints you!**

**I really hope this chapter isn't too OOC. I changed it like three times and I'm still not too happy about it, but it was the best I could do. **

**XX**

Andy didn't see Sam after they returned to the station. She had a short debriefing and she assumed that he had debriefed too, but there was no sign of Sam when she left the locker room.

If she closed her eyes she could still feel his lips on hers. She couldn't let herself go down that road again though. Sam was with Marlo and he was happy.

Besides, they already proved that they didn't work together. If they were meant to be together, things would have worked out the first time. She got that now. She wanted him to be happy, he really deserved that. So she had to let him go. She didn't even know what she was thinking when she thought she could fight for him.

Andy took a deep breath and walked into the cold air. When she was on her way home, Sam's truck stopped next to her. ''Need a ride?'' Sam asked.

She wanted to say yes, but she knew she had to take some distance from Sam. She needed to get her act together again and she couldn't be close to him while she was trying to do that. She knew that one minute in his presence would be enough to confuse he, so she shook her head. ''Just going to walk, it's nice.''

''You're always freezing,'' Sam argued. ''It's really no problem McNally.''

Andy nodded and looked in the direction she was headed. She was a little cold to be honest, but it wasn't that bad. It was still summer so it wasn't freezing or anything. ''I'd prefer to walk, but thanks.''

Sam kept looking at her for a few seconds and then turned his gaze to his steering wheel. ''Okay,'' he said. He looked back at her and smiled faintly. ''You did good tonight.''

''All I had to do was play along with you.'' Andy shrugged. ''Wasn't really a big deal or anything.''

When Sam didn't reply Andy pointed towards the direction she was headed. ''I'm just going to..'' she said.

''Yeah, sure,'' Sam replied. ''Have a good night Andy.''

''You too.'' Andy quickly walked away and was relieved when she heard the truck turn around. She picked up her step and put her hands in her pockets. After a moment she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket. When she saw Nick's name on the screen she answered. ''You doing better?'' she asked.

''I'm fine,'' Nick insisted. ''Did everything go okay? Did you still do the job?''

''Everything went fine,'' Andy assured. ''We went in anyway. Sam took your place. It actually was pretty easy, no trouble whatsoever.''

''You and Swarek together?'' Nick whistled and Andy could picture him shaking his head while he did that. ''That must have been awkward.''

''Wasn't that bad,'' Andy admitted. ''We work well together.'' Andy thought about everything that happened tonight and had to admit that that was true. They were a good team on the job. She knew that he would have her back, no matter what. It scared her how sure she was of that. She had no doubt that he would take a bullet for her. She would do the same thing for him as well. ''You know, we were partners for three years, so I guess we know each other's moves pretty well.''

''Still,'' Nick disagreed. ''With everything that happened, I can imagine that he wouldn't be your first choice.''

As Andy thought about that statement, she came to the conclusion that that was not true. Even after everything that happened between them, Sam would be her first choice to have her back. If she put aside all the hurt, he was the one that she trusted most. She knew that Nick would have had her back too, but he didn't have the same experience Sam did.

Sam always made her feel qualified too. The first weeks undercover with Nick were sort of awkward, both not sure of each other's qualities undercover. With Sam that had never been an issue though. Even when she was just cut loose, he was the one that told her that there was no one that he would rather go in with than her.

He always knew what to say whenever she was scared, worried or confused. Too bad he didn't know what to say when it was the other way around.

''You still there?'' Nick asked.

''Yeah, sorry,'' Andy quickly replied. ''I'm walking home and got distracted by something. You doing okay alone?''

Nick coughed. ''Sure,'' he said. ''I'll be as good as new before you know it.''

''Good, I kind of need my partner back.''

''Admit it, you miss me,'' Nick teased.

''I'm just kind of worried I will get partnered with Price,'' Andy admitted with a grin. ''All though she probably prefers to ride with Dov. I'm pretty sure he's scared of her.'' Nick coughed again. ''You should go to sleep.''

''I've been asleep all night,'' Nick admitted.

''I'll come by tomorrow with soup,'' Andy promised. ''Just try to sleep now and maybe you'll feel a lot better tomorrow.''

''I'll try. Good night Andy.''

''Good night.''

Andy put her phone away again and smiled as she made her way to her condo. She really was happy that she had Nick. Even if her feelings for him were completely innocent, she did value him as her friend.

XX

Sam made his way down the stairs of the station as he watched officers pass him. It was the day after the undercover operation and things were hard. He thought he was stable, but it turned out that he really wasn't stable at all. He thought he could do it, be in a relationship with another person. Turns out he really couldn't.

Well, he could, but it wasn't fair. Not to him and certainly not to Marlo. She deserved better.

Marlo returned to work today. She still wasn't feeling 100%, but like most coppers she decided that she could do her job anyway. Sam spotted her from where he was standing. When she smiled up at him, he forced to smile back.

He walked downstairs and walked towards Marlo. ''How are you feeling?'' he asked.

''Fine,'' Marlo insisted. ''I was on desk duty all day, so that was fun.''

''Frank probably just wanted to make sure that you are really better before letting you work the streets again.'' Sam looked around the station for a while and decided that if he didn't want to be a bigger ass than he already was , he needed to talk to Marlo. ''Can I come over when I'm finished here?'' Sam asked.

''Sure,'' Marlo smiled and leaned in to kiss Sam.

He really didn't want to lead her on and give her the wrong idea, so he decided to give her a heads up. ''Need to talk to you about something,'' he told her.

Marlo took a step back and raised her eyebrows. ''Were fine, right?'' she asked.

Sam knew that '_we need to talk' _was a sign for trouble, but he kind of hoped that Marlo would just go home and wait for him. ''We'll talk,'' he said. ''I should probably be another hour.''

''Let's talk now,'' Marlo insisted. Her voice dropped a little and she held Sam's gaze. ''If it's so important, let's talk now.''

''I'd prefer to wait till after shift,'' Sam tried.

''I'd prefer to talk now.'' Marlo walked away from Sam, but signalled that he should follow her. She sat down on one of the chairs that was free. There were very few people around, something Sam was happy about. ''What do you want to talk about?''

Sam swallowed and looked at the floor. His track record with breakups really was kind of lousy. Dumping McNally in a parking lot while it was raining wasn't his finest moment. Dumping Marlo while they are at their workplace probably wouldn't be the best thing either.

Still, she was the one that insisted that they talked here. ''Do you know why I became a detective?'' Sam asked Marlo. His mind was spinning while he was figuring out how to tell her that things weren't working out.

''You've been working the beat for 15 years,'' Marlo guessed. ''It was time for a change.''

Sam thought back to the years he spend in uniform. Those fifteen years in uniform seemed like a long time, but it wasn't like that. Sam had spend a lot of time undercover, so he was never bored. ''It was,'' Sam agreed. ''But it also was because my mind was screwed up at that time.''

He paused for a moment and linked his hands together while he leaned forward a little. ''I guess it still is,'' he continued. ''I just thought that if I would change my life, that things would fall back into place.''

''Like what?'' Marlo asked. ''You aren't making a lot of sense.''

''Life in general,'' Sam continued. ''When Jerry died, I was pissed off at everybody. Because the only person that really knew me wasn't there anymore. There wasn't anybody left I could talk to.''

''I know it's tough,'' Marlo tried. ''But you have Oliver, Frank,'' Marlo paused for a moment and tried to smile. ''You got me.''

It was as if Sam didn't even hear her talk. ''Jerry was the only person that got me. He knew stuff nobody else knows.'' Sam looked down at his hands and then looked up at Marlo. ''I don't want to wake up one day and realise that nobody knows me.''

''You have to let people in if you want them to get to know you.'' Marlo had a feeling about where this conversation was headed, but she was ready to fight.

''I'm not that kind of person,'' Sam informed her.

''You are ending this,'' Marlo guessed.

Sam swallowed again and quickly nodded once. ''You deserve better,'' he promised.

''Shouldn't that be my call?'' Marlo asked. ''I'm fine with taking things slow. I like you Sam, things were good between us.''

Sam shook his head and looked up at the ceiling. ''You think things were good, because I was trying to be what you wanted me to be. I wasn't being myself.''

''What?'' Marlo asked. ''Now it's my fault?''

''It isn't,'' Sam insisted. ''It's my fault. I was trying to convince myself that this is what I wanted. I was trying to tell myself that I am stable now.''

''This is about McNally,'' Marlo guessed. ''I asked you if she was a problem, but you told me that she was in the past.''

Sam looked at Marlo again and shook his head. ''This is not about her, this is about me.'' He sighed and continued. ''Maybe you are right and it's not in the past, but even if it was than this still wasn't me.'' Both were silent for a moment and Sam ran his hand across his face. ''I'm sorry.''

''Me too,'' Marlo agreed. She stood up and put her bag around her shoulder. ''If you change your mind, you know where to find me.'' She didn't wait for a response, but just brushed past Sam. He kept looking at her until she disappeared from his sight.

He stayed in that seat for a few minutes before standing up. In a way he felt lighter, because he knew he did the right thing. He also knew that things became just a little bit more complicated again.

XX

''Nerd,'' Andy yelled. ''Who goes running after they spend an entire day throwing up with a fever?''

''I was feeling fine,'' Nick argued. ''Besides, I was in bed for the entire day yesterday. So I'm sorry if I thought I needed a little action.''

''You could have just gone to work and get some action there. But judging by the way you look now, I doubt that will happen.''

''Are you saying I'm not looking pretty?'' Nick grabbed Andy's hand and pulled her towards him. ''You like me sweaty, admit it.''

Andy smiled even though she felt slightly uncomfortable. ''First of all, that's disgusting. Second of all, go get in the shower and I'll make you something to eat.'' She watched Nick leave and grabbed some bread. By the time she had his toast and soup ready, Nick was coming out of the shower.

''I'm probably just gonna go to work,'' he said. ''I don't want to take another sick day.''

''You are sick,'' Andy argued. ''I watched you be sick actually, something that I really could have lived without.''

''Hey,'' Nick yelled. ''Who was nice enough to hold up your hair when you had the flu while we were undercover? I even cleaned up when you didn't make it to the bathroom.''

Andy groaned and put her hands in front of her face. ''Shut up I don't want to think about that ever again.'' Andy was pretty embarrassed that day, so she didn't like to be reminded of it.

''I was in the army Andy. I saw a lot worse. Besides it was nice to have you all feverish and rambling. Not that the rambling is a change from how you normally act, but still, you said some interesting stuff that night.'' Nick laid back down on the couch and groaned. He put his hand over his eyes to keep his head from pounding.

''Oh and what did I allegedly say?'' Andy asked. ''Because I'm afraid your fantasy is working over time, that or you are actually delirious.''

Nick removed his hands from his eyes and smiled widely. ''You told me you loved me,'' he said. ''And that you never had anybody better to take care of you.''

''You definitely have a delirium,'' Andy said, faking to be concerned. ''Shall I take you to the hospital, just to be sure?''

''No need,'' Nick assured. ''Just give me the stupid soup and I'll get ready for work. If you're nice I might even let you drive along with me.''

Andy shook her head and crossed her arms in front of her chest. ''You are too kind. Should I remind you that this is the second day in a row that I'm taking care of you?'' she sarcastically replied. ''And you should stay at home, you're sick.''

''If I can manage to run 3K, I can manage to man the desk for a day,'' Nick argued. ''And stop whining, I'm going to make you walk.''

''Hah,'' Andy laughed. ''Like that would happen. I came here fully aware that you would let me borrow your truck if I asked you too. So that ride is not going to be a problem.''

''Wanna try me?'' Nick asked. ''Because I could just make you walk to prove a point.''

''I need my own car,'' Andy muttered.

Nick snorted and threw a pillow at her. ''I'll drive you, just get me my soup now.''

''You know what, since you're feeling oh so good, I'm going to let you get your own soup. It's on the stove, I would like some too.''

''You drive a hard bargain woman,'' Nick said as he stood up. ''It's a good thing I like you.''

XX

Andy made her way to the locker room after Nick had given her a ride to the station. She greeted her colleagues and opened her locker. She quickly started to change. When she was in uniform she started to braid her hair. As soon as she was finished she turned around, ready to walk out of the locker room.

She was just approaching the door when all of the sudden someone slammed into her. ''Watch where you go McNally,'' Marlo spat out.

Andy looked at the senior officer and raised her eyebrow. ''I'm sorry,'' she said. Andy knew that keeping her distance was the best policy with Marlo. She wasn't a bad person, they were just different. ''Are you okay?'' Andy asked when Marlo opened her locker with a lot of force.

''Shut up McNally,'' Marlo said quietly.

Andy had no idea what she possibly could have done wrong. ''Whatever, I'll see you in parade.''

''You couldn't leave him alone, could you?'' Marlo asked when Andy was just about to leave. ''You leave for six months, but the moment you see him with someone else you put your claws back into him.''

''Excuse me?'' Andy asked. She knew that Marlo was probably referring to Sam, but she had no idea what happened. The last time she saw the two of them together they were all happy and touching each other. The memory was still fresh in her mind.

Marlo let out a sarcastic laugh and threw her shirt in her locker. ''We were fine. Then he spends part of a shift with you and all of the sudden he's breaking up with me. And of course he says that it has got nothing to do with you..''

''Marlo,'' Andy stopped her. ''I don't know what happened with you two and it's really none of my business, but nothing happened between Sam and me. We worked together, yes, but that was strictly professional.'' Andy knew that wasn't _completely _true. They did kiss. And even though that was part of the plan, the kiss wasn't totally professional.

''First Luke Callaghan. Then you almost get Sam killed by sleeping with him. After that you leave for three months and he still takes you back,'' I must say McNally, your reputation really is well known by all of TPS. ''And you would insult my intelligence by saying that nothing ever happened between you and Collins. So it's safe to say that you really get around.''

''Hey,'' Andy warned. ''You have a problem with Sam, you discuss it with him. You leave me out of this.''

''Three years on the job and you already screwed around with three co workers. I hear Frank is setting up a new John sweep. I'll let him know you are fit to do the job.'' Marlo slammed her locker close again and walks away from Andy.

Andy just stood there, her blood boiling. She knew that she didn't have the best reputation, but hearing Marlo throw all of that in her face. _That hurt. _Part of her wanted to go after Marlo and put up one hell of a fight. She couldn't do that though, because she needed to be professional.

It was bad enough that everybody that worked at 15 knew about her failing romantic life. She didn't need to add any rumors about this. So she decided to be the bigger person and walk away.

''You okay?'' she heard Nick ask as soon as she was in the hallway. ''Did I infect you or something? You look like you saw a ghost.''

''No,'' Andy quickly answered. ''I'm fine. Let's go.'' She walked towards parade with a confused Nick following her. When she walked into the parade room she saw Sam standing in the front of the room. '_Great,'' _Andy thought. That was exactly what she needed.

When Sam turned his gaze to Andy, she quickly looked at Nick. She felt sweat forming on her skin. ''God, is it hot in here?'' she asked.

Nick shot her a puzzled look and put his hand on her forehead. ''You do feel warm,'' he stated. ''Are you sure you're alright? You could easily have been infected by me or anybody else here.''

''Maybe,'' Andy agreed. She knew she was fine, but she'd rather have Nick think that she was a little sick than having him know what just happened in the locker room.

''Do you want me to take you home?'' Nick asked. ''If it's the same thing I had, you will really be better off at home. I can talk to Frank?''

Andy quickly shook her head. Sam and Frank started parade so she lowered her voice. ''As long as I'm just feeling a bit hot, I can handle it.''

As soon as assignments were handed out, Andy left the room. She was thankful that she was partnered with Dov. She wasn't sure she would be able to deal with Nick today. She knew she wouldn't be able to ride with Marlo, so Dov was good.

''You okay McNally?'' Dov asked when they were in the cruiser. Dov was behind the wheel and Andy didn't even fight him on it.

''What? Yup, totally fine.'' _The entire division just thinks I'm sleeping my way around the station _she added in her head. She was humiliated. She knew she didn't have the best track record, but even with that knowledge she never thought that anybody actually felt that way about her.

She spend the entire day in a haze. She was able to be professional whenever they got a call, but she wasn't very social towards Dov. Dov asked her a couple times if she really was okay, but she kept insisting that she was fine.

When she finished her shift she was actually afraid to walk into Marlo again. She really didn't need to hear anything else about what the older woman thought about her. So she skipped her shower and just changed as soon as she could.

She went home, showered, went to the store to buy a bottle of wine and headed towards Traci's. As soon as Traci opened the door, Andy held up the bottle. ''You have time?'' she asked.

''Sure,'' Traci said. ''Leo is away with school for the night. I could use some company.''

''Didn't see you at the station today.'' Andy shrugged off her coat and walked into Traci's living room. ''You had the day off?''

''Yeah, I drove Leo to the place where they are camping. They were short of drivers, so I decided to do something that would maybe convince him I'm not the worse mother in the world.''

''He still mad?'' Andy asked. She knew that Traci was making an effort to spent more time with Leo. Andy also took him for one afternoon and she had to admit that Leo was different now. Jerry's death had affected him, just like it had with everybody else.

''It's better,'' Traci answered. ''Guess it will just take some time.''

''It will,'' Andy promised. ''He's a kid. How is he suppose to understand everything that happened when nobody else can make sense out of it?''

''I guess he can't,'' Traci agreed. ''But things are getting better, so I am positive we'll make it work.'' Traci got two glasses and opened the bottle of wine that Andy brought. ''Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what brought this on?''

Andy groaned and laid down on the couch. ''I'm that easy to read?'' she asked her best friend.

Traci laughed and nodded. ''You kind of are. So what is it? Sam, Nick or all of the above?''

''Neither,'' Andy said. ''Was partnered with Dov all day.'' Andy took a sip of her wine and looked at Traci. ''Do you think I'm a slut?''

''What?'' Traci asked. ''Rewind, what brought this on?''

Andy took another sip of her wine and looked at the floor. ''Marlo called me a whore,'' she informed Traci. ''She was really nice about it too, summed up my entire disaster love life and then told me that the entire division knows about it.''

''She didn't,'' Traci yelled out.

''Oh no,'' Andy corrected herself. ''I actually believe she used the name TPS instead of just 15 division. So that's awesome.''

''What happened?'' Traci asked, still slightly in shock. ''I thought the two of you were on slightly better terms.''

''I thought so too,'' Andy agreed. ''I mean, I wasn't about to invite her to girls night or anything, but we could work together without biting each other's heads off.'' Andy sighed and shook her head. ''Apparently Sam broke up with her. She blames me.''

''Sam broke up with her?'' Traci yelled. ''God, I should have seen that coming. They were talking last night and when he got back he was acting strange. Have you talked to him? What does it mean?''

''It means nothing Trace,'' Andy insisted. ''We didn't talk about anything and we are not going to talk about anything. If I want to be taken seriously at my job, I will never ever ever get involved with a co worker again, ever.''

''Andy,'' Traci tried. ''She was upset and hurt. Nobody thinks you're a slut.''

''Oh, I'm pretty sure people do,'' Andy quickly said. ''How does she know about everything if they don't? She wasn't there when I was with Luke and she wasn't there when Sam and I got suspended.''

Traci cringed a little and filled up their glasses with wine again. ''She seriously brought that up too?'' Traci asked.

''Yup,'' Andy said popping the p. She put her hands over her face and groaned. ''Be honest, you ever heard people say anything about me?''

''Of course there was talk after Luke,'' Traci confirmed. ''But that was to be expected, right?''

''And after Sam?'' Andy asked.

Traci took a deep breath and looked at her best friend. ''You got suspended for sleeping with your former training officer, after you broke off an engagement with a detective from the same division.'' Traci looked sympathetic and shrugged. ''I would think it was weirder if people didn't talk about that. The division is kind of like high school Andy.''

''Oh God.'' Andy took one of Traci's throw pillows and put it over her head. ''Shoot me?'' she asked.

Traci laughed and yanked the pillow off her head. ''Okay, let's be honest for a moment,'' she started. ''You slept with Luke, but you were in a committed relationship with him. I mean, you were suppose to marry the guy, so people can't really call you a whore for that.''

''Okay,'' Andy agreed. ''But that still leaves Sam and Nick.''

''Okay,'' Traci said as she thought about it. ''With Sam it was sort of inevitable. You guys had this tension since day one. And you didn't just sleep with him, you guys dated for almost a year.''

''But he was my boss,'' Andy argued. ''It doesn't look good on me.''

Traci shrugged. ''Most relationships start at work,'' she said. ''And when you guys got together he wasn't training you anymore, so it wasn't a conflict of interest.''

''Do you have any arguments for why sleeping with Nick wasn't a bad call?'' Andy tried.

''Well,'' Traci started. ''You were drunk. Everybody is allowed one drunken mistake from time to time. Besides, you were lonely and hurt. I blame it on Swarek.''

Andy laughed and sat up again. ''Thanks Trace,'' she said. ''I needed this.''

''I know.'' Traci patted Andy's knee. ''Nobody knows about you and Nick,'' Traci said. ''People might have a clue, but they don't know for sure. And let them judge all they want, like they are so perfect.''

''When did you get so smart?'' Andy asked.

''I was born this way,'' Traci bragged. ''It's a gift really.'' Both girls laughed. Traci turned back to Andy and put her hand on her back. ''It's going to be okay Andy. You are a great cop and anybody who can't see that, is an idiot.''

''Thanks Trace,'' Andy replied. ''You're the best.''

XX

**A/N: Please review. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Here's the next chapter. Please be warned that violence is mentioned in this chapter. **

**It's not graphic at all, but if you think you like that/can handle that, please be warned in advance. **

**XX**

''So. Word around the barn is that Cruz and Swarek called it quits,'' Nick informed Andy as they were on patrol.

Andy nodded and looked out of the window. ''Heard that, yeah.''

Nick glanced over at his partner and raised an eyebrow. ''How do you feel about that?'' he asked.

Without looking back at Nick Andy shrugged her shoulders. ''How should I feel about it?'' she asked back. ''They can do whatever they want.'' Andy didn't mention her run in with Marlo to anybody else. She knew that nothing good would come out of that.

Nick nodded. ''You want to go out sometime this week? Maybe go out to dinner and a movie afterwards?''

''We'll see,'' Andy answered absently. ''I'm kind of busy and I've been a little tired lately.'' Truth was that Andy wasn't that interested in going out with Nick. He was her friend, but she didn't want to lead him on.

''You okay?'' Nick asked concerned. ''You still coming down with that virus?''

''No,'' Andy quickly said. ''Just tired.''

Nick nodded and turned his attention back to the road. ''If I didn't know any better I would say you are trying to avoid me,'' Nick nervously joked.

''I saw you like every day this week,'' Andy answered. ''There has been no avoiding.'' As soon as she finished her sentence, the radio came to life. It asked them to check up on a house five minutes from their current position. The neighbor called in that she heard a noise that sounded a lot like gunshots.

With the way Nick drove it only took them three minutes to reach the house. Andy jumped out of the car and knocked on the front door. When there was no answer she signalled to Nick and they both went separate ways. Nick walked to the left of the house and Andy checked the right side. When they met in the backyard, Nick shook his head. ''Nothing out of the ordinary,'' he said.

Andy looked at the neighbor's house and nodded in that direction. ''Let's see what the neighbor has to say,'' she said. ''Maybe she just didn't hear right.''

Together they walked towards the neighbors house and knocked. It didn't take the neighbor long to answer. The woman was about thirty years old and had a baby on her hip. ''Did you check?'' she immediately ask. ''Are Susan and the kids okay?''

''Ma'am I'm officer McNally and this is my colleague officer Collins,'' Andy started.

The woman held out her hand and shook Andy's hand and then Nick's. ''I'm Margie. Is everybody okay?''

''Nobody's answering the door,'' Andy explained. ''Could you tell us exactly what you heard? And did you see anybody leave the house afterwards?''

''They were fighting for a while,'' Margie explained. ''I heard them yelling and then I heard something crash and I heard gunshots.'' Margie had tears in her eyes and bounced the baby on her hip. ''I would've gone over to check for myself, but I've got him to think about.'' She nodded at her baby. ''Susan has told me herself that she's scared of her husband.''

''You did the right thing by calling us,'' Nick confirmed. ''I'll call Best,'' Nick whispered to Andy as he made his way to the cruiser again.

''Can you tell me a little bit more about your neighbors?'' Andy asked. ''What kind of people are they? Do you hear them fight more often?''

Margie shrugged and shook her head. ''We have lived here for five years. They seemed completely normal, but lately Timothy, that's Susan's husband, seems to have developed a temper. There were problems at work and he took it out on Susan.''

''Was he ever violent towards her?'' Andy asked as she eyed Nick's movements.

''I don't know. We aren't really that close. She just needed to get everything off her chest one time and told me a few things. I don't think she has a lot of people to fall back on.''

Andy saw Nick walking back to her and quickly asked another question. ''How many kids do they have?'' she asked.

''Two,'' Margie answered. ''Jack just turned one and Ellis is four I think.''

''Thank you ma'am. We'll take it from here,'' Nick quickly said.

''What are you going to do now?'' Margie asked. ''You can't just leave.''

Nick shook his head. ''I understand your concern, but I have to ask you to go back to your house. We'll look into it, I promise.''

Margie nodded and walked back into her house. When she closed the door Nick nodded towards the other house again. ''Best gives us permission to go in. He says he can get a warrant, but wants us to check as soon as possible. I checked and there is a history of violence between them.''

Andy nodded and together they walked towards the other house. Andy tried knocking one more time, but again no one answered. They both took their guns and Nick signalled that he would kick in the door.

As Nick kicked in the door, Andy held her gun on the door, ready to fire if anything went wrong. As soon as the door was out of the way, they went to clear the house. They found nothing on the first floor, but after they walked up the stairs they met a sight of horror.

On the floor in the hallway was a young woman with a bullet hole in her forehead. Her eyes were still open and Andy felt nauseated by the sight. Nick quickly asked for medics and backup through his radio, even though the medics clearly wouldn't be able to help the woman anymore.

Andy opened another door with her feet and motioned for Nick to follow her. She wanted to vomit, but she knew she had a job to do. She needed to be professional and do as she was trained.

When they walked into the bedroom Andy shook her head. On the bed was the woman's husband. He had his gun in his hand and blood covered the bed.

''Nick,'' she whispered. ''The kids.''

Nick took a deep breath and holstered his gun. ''I'll go check. You stay here.''

''No,'' Andy said firmly. She didn't want to think about the option that the guy also hurt his kids, but she knew there was a chance of it. She couldn't let Nick deal with this alone. He was her partner and they were in this together.

The next room they checked was empty, as was the following. When they opened the next room Andy felt all air leave her lungs. A toddler was lying in bed. Clearly she suffered through the same thing as her mother.

Somewhere in the back of her head Andy heard back up and medics walking in the house. She wasn't completely aware of them though. All she could focus on were the blue eyes of the small girl. When somebody brushed past her, Andy startled back to life. She didn't look at anybody, but just made her way outside.

Andy walked to the side of the house and bended forwards. She emptied the contents of her stomach and tried to breath in through her nose.

''There wasn't anything we could've done,'' she heard Nick say.

''I know that,'' Andy said in a harsh tone. When her thoughts went back to what she saw inside the house she threw up again. She felt Nick's hand on her back, but it didn't offer her any kind of comfort. ''We have to go back in there.''

''I can give you a ride back to the station,'' Nick offered. ''You don't have to be here.''

''We were the responding officers.'' Andy took a tissue out of her pocket and whipped her mouth. She took some gum and tried to get the nasty taste out of her mouth. ''We have to be here.''

With that she walked back to the house. She did everything she had to do on automatic pilot. She tried to force the thoughts of what she witnessed to the back of her head.

''Who were the responding officers?'' she heard a familiar voice ask.

Andy quickly stepped up and walked towards Sam. ''Me and Nick,'' she answered. ''The neighbor called in that she heard gunshots. Nobody answered the door, so Best gave us permission to break in the door.''

Sam kept his gaze on Andy for a few seconds and nodded. ''How did you enter the house?''

''With our guns out,'' Andy said. ''Nick kicked in the door. We cleared the first floor, then we moved up the stairs. We found the woman first, then we went into the master bedroom where we found the husband. We checked two other rooms, they were empty. The last room we checked was the bedroom of the little girl.'' Andy's voice went down as she said the last sentence. ''The neighbor said they also have a boy.''

Sam nodded and kept writing in his notebook. ''We will find him. Hopefully he's with someone else. Other things that were wrong?'' he asked.

''This isn't enough?'' Andy asked with a lot of force. When she looked up and met Sam's eyes, she immediately shook her head. ''Sorry.''

''It's okay,'' Sam promised. ''Can you get Collins for me? I need to walk through this with him as well.''

Andy nodded and left Sam behind. She stayed for a little while longer, but there really wasn't much more she could do. When Oliver saw her standing by the cruiser, he walked towards his old rookie.

''McNally,'' he greeted her. ''You doing okay?''

''Fine,'' Andy quickly answered. ''Just waiting on Nick to finish.''

Oliver nodded and opened the door to the cruiser. ''Let me give you a ride to the station,'' he said. ''There's not much we can do back here and to be honest, I'd rather not be here if I don't have to be.''

Andy nodded and looked towards the neighbors house. Margie was talking to Dov as Chloe held her baby. Margie was crying, something Andy really understood. ''Let's go,'' she told Oliver. ''There's a lot of paperwork to fill in.''

XX

When Andy left the barn that night her stomach was still doing flip flops. She shouldn't be so affected by it, but she knew that the sight of that little girl wouldn't leave her mind for a long time. She knew she would be seeing those blue eyes again when she closed her eyes.

As she was walking down the parking lot, she heard someone catching up with her.

''McNally,'' Sam yelled out. ''Wait up.''

Andy sighed and turned around. She really wasn't in the mood for whatever Sam had to say to her now. ''I did all the paperwork,'' she promised. ''Everything is done exactly according to protocol and now I just need to go home and sleep.'' She knows she looked like crap, but she couldn't make herself care about that. All she cared about was getting home and sleep until the next year.

''It's not about that,'' Sam answered. ''I just wanted to let you know that we located the boy.''

At that Andy straightened her back a little. ''Is he..'' she couldn't make herself finish that sentence.

''He is fine,'' Sam promised. ''He was with one of his grandparents. The girl was suppose to be there too, but she got sick.''

Andy shook her head and bit her bottom lip. ''The neighbor said he was just a baby. Now he lost both his parents and his sister at the same day.'' When she looked up again she saw Sam looking at her with sympathy. The last thing she wanted was for him to think that she was inadequate at her job, so she quickly straightened up again. ''I'm fine,'' she said.

''You're not,'' Sam stated. ''It's okay to be affected by this Andy.''

''Part of the job,'' Andy brushed it off.

Sam looked behind him at the station and then turned back to face Andy. ''Even Collins was affected by it. He did tours in Afghanistan so I can imagine that he saw a lot of awful things. Being affected by something like this doesn't mean you're a bad cop. It means you care.''

Andy faintly smiled as Sam told her that. For a moment it feels like she was set back in time. It felt like he was her training officer again and she was his rookie. As stupid as it might be, she needed that comfort from him. He always knew exactly what to say. Even when things were as messed up as they were in that moment.

''Who does something like that?'' she asked.

''People do strange things when they are desperate.'' Sam knew that wasn't any kind of excuse. But fifteen years on the job has taught him that there isn't always logic in crime.

''Strange things?'' Andy said as she took a step back. ''He killed his own wife and four year old daughter. Then he took his own life. And you call that strange?''

''McNally,'' Sam warned. ''You know that's not what I mean.''

''Sorry,'' Andy quickly said. ''I'm just going to head home. I just want to forget about this day.''

Sam checked his watch. ''Let me give you a ride. I'm still waiting on a report until I can finish up here, so I might as well drive you home.''

''It's okay.'' Andy rubbed a hand over her shoulder and looked in the other direction. ''I think it's good to walk right now.''

''It's going to rain,'' Sam answered. ''Let me just drive you home Andy, please.''

Andy was kind of shocked to actually hear Sam use the word 'please', that wasn't something she expected to come out of his mouth. ''I don't know,'' she doubtfully said. ''You probably have other stuff to do.''

''I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to do it.'' Sam grabbed Andy's bag from her hands and started to walk to his truck. ''Come on.''

''I don't know why this is hitting me so hard,'' Andy said out of nowhere while Sam was starting the truck. ''We see horrible stuff every day. Why this case?''

Sam shook his head and put the truck in drive. ''It's that lions heart of yours,'' he softly said. ''It's what makes you a great cop, but for you personally it can also be a weakness.''

''I'll be okay,'' Andy promised. ''I just need to sleep and forget about this for a moment.''

''It's okay to remember,'' Sam told Andy. ''No matter how many years you will be doing this job. There will always be cases that you take with you. Cases that won't let you go and that you take home. You need to find a way to deal with that.''

''How do you do that?'' Andy asked. ''How do you make peace with stuff like this. Stuff no one will ever pay for.''

Sam took a deep breath and turned the steering wheel. ''I go to the gym, put on some gloves and I hit something.''

''That works?'' Andy asked.

''Most times it does,'' Sam confirmed.

''Do you have those cases?'' Andy asked. When Sam looked at her with a raised eyebrow she explained herself. ''Cases that never let you go. Things you carry around every single day.''

Sam was silent and for a while Andy thought that that was him telling her their conversation was over. Once again she feared that she crossed the line with how much he was willing to share. ''Ann White,'' Sam said after a while. ''I was working at 15th for a little over three years. She was 17 and went missing, I was the one that found her.''

Andy sensed that there was more that Sam would say, so when he fell silent she kept her mouth shut too.

''Her killer chopped her into pieces. I won't ever forget the face of her mother when I had to tell her that her only daughter's life ended like that.''

Andy let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. ''I'm sorry,'' she said. ''Did they catch the guy who did that?''

''It was a woman,'' Sam answered. ''We caught her, but she got off lightly because they made a lot of mistakes during the trial.''

''It's so stupid that criminals can walk free because of technicalities,'' Andy complained. ''It's so stupid that sometimes we know exactly who committed a certain crime, but they can walk because some paperwork was filled in incorrectly.''

''It's not a perfect world.'' Sam quickly looked at Andy and then turned his attention back to the road. ''Probably never will be.''

''I guess it doesn't matter,'' Andy said. ''He killed himself too so there isn't anybody to press charges against. Maybe that's the most frustrating part. There wasn't anything we could do. Not a single thing. I spent two hours on paperwork and for what?''

''To learn,'' Sam quickly answered. ''There wasn't anything we could do today, but maybe tomorrow we can. Maybe one day we'll take something from this case and it will give us answers for another case. We never know.''

''I guess,'' Andy reluctantly agreed.

''You did everything you could today Andy.'' Sam's tone was soft. He hesitated for a moment, but then put his hand on Andy's knee and squeezed it softly.

It was stupid, but Andy felt like her knee was on fire after Sam touched her. The touch was brief and when he let go of her she closed her eyes for just a second. The rest of the ride was spent in silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. When Sam parked his truck he leaned back in his seat.

''Thanks for the ride,'' Andy said. ''And for the talk. I needed that, I think.''

''I told you when you started out McNally. In this job, you can't do it alone.'' Sam gave Andy a small smile and spoke up again. ''You working tomorrow?''

''No,'' Andy answered. ''I have the day off and I think I'm really grateful for that right about now. I feel like I could sleep for days in a row. You?''

Sam shook his head. ''We've got enough to do.''

''Traci told me that you keep sending her home while you're working late hours and weekends. Nobody ever gave you the 'in this job you can't do it alone' speech?'' Andy smiled faintly and turned her head to face Sam completely. She missed talking to him like this.

''She has enough on her plate,'' Sam reasoned. ''She has a kid to think about.'' Sam paused for a moment and then looked at the steering wheel. ''Jerry would've wanted me to look out for her.''

''Thanks for that,'' Andy told him. ''She needs people to look out for her, even if it would kill her to admit that.''

''Sounds like someone else I know,'' Sam joked.

Andy looked outside and let her thoughts drift off for a moment. Like Sam predicted it was raining. ''I guess we all need that from time to time. It's been a long year.''

Sam just nodded and sighed.

''I'm going to head upstairs,'' Andy said. ''Thanks again for the ride.''

''Anytime McNally. Have a good night.''

''You too.''

XX

''Sammy,'' Oliver yelled when Sam walked back into the barn. ''I tried to call you, where did you go?''

''Was giving someone a ride home,'' Sam answered. He hoped that Oliver would leave it at that, but of course that hope was shattered pretty quickly.

Oliver smiled and nodded. ''McNally needed a ride home, huh?'' Oliver clapped Sam on the back. ''Good thing that you were there to step up, right? You two were able to talk?''

''Shaw,'' Sam warned. ''It was just a ride. Did you see if all the reports are back? I just want to finish and go home.''

''They just came in,'' Oliver answered. ''I don't think you've got much work left to do. And I was kind of hoping we could go to the Penny for a few drinks. What do you say? My treat.''

''Your treat?'' Sam suspiciously asked. ''That must mean you are pretty desperate to avoid going home. What did you do this time?''

Oliver turned his gaze to the floor and shook his head. ''I was also hoping that I could borrow your couch again.''

''You okay?'' Sam asked. ''I thought things were better.''

''Things are not better,'' Oliver answered. ''I'm filing for divorce.''

Sam didn't know what to say to his friend. He knew things weren't perfect between him and Zoë, but he didn't expect things to blow up so quickly. ''I thought that you were determined to make it work. What happened?'' Sam asked again.

Oliver shrugged and sat down on Sam's desk. ''Zoë and I just aren't working anymore. There is no point to try just for the kids. They know something is up. We can't spent more than 15 minutes in the same room without things blowing up. I can't do anything right and she is still seeing that other guy.''

Sam swallowed. ''Sorry,'' he said. It was the best he could do, he didn't have any other words of comfort for his friend. ''You can stay as long as you need to.''

''I'll find my own place soon,'' Oliver promised. ''I need a place where I can have the girls. Zoë and I agreed that they should have rooms at my place as well.''

''That sounds good,'' Sam agreed.

''First priority right now are the girls. We'll see about all the other stuff later.''

Sam nodded again. ''Let's finish up here soon and then we'll go to the Penny.''

Together they worked quickly. As sad as it was, there wasn't much more they could do. They made sure that all the paperwork was in order and then they changed and met in the parking lot again.

''So,'' Oliver said as he buckled up. ''You made sure that McNally got home okay? You guys talked?''

''Oliver,'' Sam warned. ''If you and Zoë didn't even manage to work things out, how do you expect me and McNally to? It's in the past, we are just friends now.''

Oliver waited for a moment before he responded to that. ''You and McNally,'' he started after a while. ''Never just friends. It has always been something more and you're an idiot if you don't see that.''

''Why am I letting you stay with me again?'' Sam questioned.

''Because of my warm and loving attitude,'' Oliver quickly said. ''I tried with Zoë and it didn't work out. Now I don't have to look back on my life and wonder what would've happened if I made any different decisions. I know I did everything I could to make it work. There will be no 'what if's'.

''Me and McNally tried,'' Sam defended his actions. ''It doesn't work. We know that already.''

''It didn't work because you never gave each other a fair chance,'' Oliver argued. ''She left before you guys had the chance to make a proper start. You always blamed her for that. Of course you didn't talk about that, but you just waited until it all blew up in your faces.''

''Oliver,'' Sam warned again. ''We are over.''

''You can tell yourself whatever you want. You two are standing in the way of your own happiness. You already hurt Marlo with this act you've been putting on. You gotta stop it before anybody else gets hurt.''

Sam took a deep breath and parked the truck at the parking lot of the Penny. ''And what if we try and it doesn't work out again? Have you thought about that?''

''Then at least you won't have to live with the 'what if's','' Oliver reasoned. ''And what if you try again and it does work out? Have _you_ thought about that?'' With that Oliver left the car and left Sam to do some thinking.

XX

**A/N: I hope the case wasn't too dark. Unfortunately cases like those do exist.**

**Please review if you have anything to say about this story. I like to read the reviews to get ideas for the new chapter. **

**I had an entire plan for this story, but I already got off track when I reached the second chapter. If I was following that line I would have Marlo and Sam together until chapter 8. Somehow I just didn't want to write that!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the long wait!**

**But working 40 hours a week and keeping up with my social life is getting in the way of managing two stories at the same time. And I have to admit that inspiration is lacking too.. **

**But here is the next chapter, I hope I won't disappoint you!**

**XX**

The next few days were calm for everybody. Andy was able to make her peace with the case. She still didn't understand how people could do stuff like that, but she knew that there wasn't anything she could've done to prevent it. She and Nick had done what they could. Unfortunately that hadn't been much.

Andy walked into the barn with a coffee in her hand. She noticed Sam getting out of his truck as she made the way to the door, so she held it open for him. ''Hey,'' she greeted him.

''Hey,'' Sam said back to her. ''Are you ready to go back out there?'' Sam knew that Andy was the kind of cop that took cases home with her. His fear was that one day that would become too much for her. One day she might not be able to handle feeling everybody's feelings.

Sam knew he wouldn't be able to stand on the side lines if she would lose herself. He knew how that could end. He had seen it too many times.

''I'm fine,'' Andy promised. When Sam gave her an unimpressed look she smiled sadly. ''I know that we did everything right. We did everything we could. Nothing we could've done would have changed the outcome.''

''You're right.'' Sam slowed down a little and looked at Andy. ''I called child services. The boy will stay with his grandparents. They are solid and are able to look after him.''

Andy was slightly surprised at Sam's confession. She didn't think he would call and check. Sam noticed her surprise and looked away. ''I figured that you would want to know. So I decided to check.''

''Thanks.'' Andy smiled and held Sam's gaze for a moment. ''I appreciate that.''

''Sure,'' Sam answered. He kept looking at Andy until she nodded her head in the direction of the locker rooms.

''I should go,'' she said. ''Don't want to get stuck in booking for being late.''

''Of course.'' Sam nodded. ''Have a good shift McNally.''

''You too.''

XX

Andy was thankful that she was partnered with Oliver that day. He was like the uncle she never had. He always seemed to look out for all of the rookies. Maybe it was because he was a father, but Andy had a feeling it was just who he was.

Oliver really was one of the good guys.

Their shift was calm and quiet, something Andy appreciated on a rare occasion. Normally she loved the thrill her job gave her. Right now she felt like she had had enough excitement for a year. A few hard shifts and six months of undercover could do that to a person.

''You okay there McNally?'' Oliver asked when Andy hadn't said a word for thirty minutes.

''Why?'' Andy asked. ''I'm fine. It's a quiet day.''

''It is,'' Oliver agreed. ''Hope you didn't jinx us again McNally. But seriously, the fact that you're not talking while you're riding shot gun has me a little bit concerned.''

Andy smiled and looked at Oliver. ''Really am fine,'' she promised. ''How have you been? How are the girls?''

Oliver swallowed. He knew this question was going to come up a lot more. He might as well rip the band aid off. ''I filed for divorce,'' he admitted. ''She's in love with someone else and there's nothing I can do to change it.''

''Oliver. I'm sorry.'' Andy's voice was filled with sympathy. She really wished that Oliver would have his happy ending.

''I'm fine,'' Oliver immediately said. ''It was inevitable. The girls are the first priority now.''

''How are they?'' Andy asked. ''Do they know already?''

''We told them together. They probably already suspected it. Izzy seemed to be relieved.'' Oliver took a deep breath and shook his head. ''It is for the best.''

Andy looked at Oliver and smiled sadly. ''Do you have a place to stay?'' Andy's place wasn't big or anything, but she would offer Oliver her couch in no time.

''Staying with Sammy,'' Oliver answered. ''I'm going to look at apartments tomorrow. I need a place where I can have the girls spent the night.''

''I'm sure Sam wouldn't mind..'' Andy said. She knew that Sam was a good friend. He would let Oliver stay with him for as long as he needed to. If that involved Oliver's kids too, than he would do it. On the few cases where Sam and her had worked with kids or teenagers he had proved that he was good with them. It always melted her heart a little when she saw him interact with the younger citizens of Toronto.

''He probably wouldn't mind,'' Oliver agreed. ''But I don't want the kids to see me living on uncle Sammy's couch.''

Andy nodded. She could understand that. ''You're a good father,'' she said. She said the same words to him a year ago after his whole world was turned upside down too. ''When my mom left us.. At first I felt relieved.'' Andy never really talked to anybody about this, because she was so ashamed.

''The fighting stopped,'' Oliver filled in.

''The fighting stopped,'' Andy confirmed. ''I was just happy that they couldn't be at each other's throats constantly. Of course I didn't think she would not look back for the next fourteen years..''

''Her loss,'' Oliver promised. ''Zoe and I already agreed that the girls are most important right now. They shouldn't have to suffer for the things that went wrong between us.''

Silence filled the car for five minutes. ''Sometimes separation is the best thing,'' Andy thought out loud. ''Clean slate.''

''I have to admit that this isn't what I had in mind when we got married, but yes,'' Oliver agreed. ''For us this is the right thing to do now. Doesn't mean that separation is always good. Some people do work together.''

''You want to grab lunch?'' Andy asked. ''I'm starving and I'm in the mood for something very greasy. I'll even pay.''

Oliver smiled and nodded while he turned the cruiser around. ''You have always been one of my favorites McNally. A girl after my own heart.''

XX

That evening Andy walked into the parking lot. She saw Nick standing besides his truck. He waved her over so Andy walked into his direction.

''Going to the Penny?'' Nick asked. ''It's been a while since you've been there. Time to start living again McNally.''

Andy smiled faintly and shrugged. ''Guess I haven't been in the mood lately.''

''How was shift?'' Nick asked. ''Probably quiet considering the fact I haven't seen you in booking all day long.''

''Yeah,'' Andy confirmed. ''It was a pretty slow day. Which was nice for a change.''

''After the last case we dealt with that was probably something you could use.'' Nick leaned against his truck and sighed. ''Days like that I wonder why I'm doing this job in the first place.''

''We learn from it,'' Andy repeated Sam's words. ''Maybe next time there is something we can do to help. And there was nothing we could have done differently that time. They were already dead before we arrived.'' Andy shuttered when she thought back to the sight that she still had fresh in her mind. ''I think it will take me a while to get over the sight of that girl.''

''Me too,'' Nick agreed. ''You didn't answer my phone calls. I tried to call you, wanted to know if you were okay.''

''I didn't answer anybody's phone calls,'' Andy admitted. ''Just spent some time by myself and with my father.'' Andy closed her eyes and also leaned against the truck. She raised her face up to heaven and took a deep breath. ''I love summer nights,'' she softly said. ''Being outside in the fresh air.''

Andy stood there with her eyes closed for a few moments. The parking lot was extremely quiet and the air was fresh. When Andy opened her eyes, Nick wasn't leaning against the truck anymore. He was standing right in front of her. Andy let out a nervous laugh.

''You look beautiful in this light,'' Nick said softly. He brushed her hair from her face and let his thumb linger on her cheek.

''Nick,'' Andy warned. She knew where this was leading towards and she was dreading it. Nick was such a good friend and she felt like she couldn't afford to lose him. She couldn't give him what he wanted either.

''Why don't you let me in?'' Nick asked. ''We are good together Andy. We work together well, we have fun when we are together and obviously we have a spark.''

''Nick,'' Andy repeated. ''Come on, we talked about this.''

''You never gave me a good reason for why it can't happen,'' Nick said. ''Just a date and I'll show you that we make sense together.''

Andy shook her head and sighed. ''Nick, I care about you so much. But not in _that_ way. Please don't do this.'' Andy really didn't want to hurt Nick, but she knew it would end up like that either way. She wished she could go back in time and take back the night they spent together. Obviously that was poor judgement on her part. She gave him the wrong idea because of that night and she hated that.

''One kiss,'' Nick said. ''One kiss and then look me in the eyes and tell me you don't feel the same way.'' He was determined on letting her cave. He knew she would return his feelings. He could make her forget about her crappy year. He could make her see that he was better for her than Swarek ever could be.

A sigh escaped Andy's lips while she shook her head. ''No good is going to come out of that.'' Andy crossed her arms in front of her chest. ''It won't change anything and it will only cause more trouble.''

''It's my own suggestion,'' Nick dared her. ''I'm a big boy. I know what I'm saying. One kiss Andy. One kiss and I won't mention it again. You can't pine away for Swarek forever. He doesn't deserve you.''

''This is not about him,'' Andy angrily said. ''I'm sorry that I gave you the wrong impression, I am. But I don't want to lead you on. I don't have feelings for you.''

Nick smiled and stepped closer. ''Prove it.'' He saw Andy roll her eyes at him, but that didn't stop him. ''Prove it,'' he repeated.

Andy let out a long breath. She knew that no winners would come out of this situation, but Nick needed to face the truth. So she took a step forward, cupped his jaw and slammed her mouth against his. Nick's hands immediately found her waist and pulled her closer. His hands moved over her backside while their mouths moved together.

After a few seconds Andy broke away from him and removed his hands from her waist. She looked Nick in the eye. ''I'm sorry'' she started with. ''But, I don't feel that way for you and I don't think that will ever change.''

Nick looked truly defeated for two seconds, but then composed himself. ''That's fair,'' he said. ''I'm gonna go home.''

''Nick,'' Andy said as she reached for his arm. She was afraid that this would happen, but Nick needed to understand that he didn't have a shot with her. ''Please.''

Nick swallowed and smiled. Anybody could tell that the smile was fake, but he tried anyway. ''It's fine. You warned me. I just thought that you were wrong.'' Nick's gaze turned to the ground and then he searched for Andy's eyes again. ''It's still him, isn't it?''

Andy chewed her bottom lip and nodded. ''I wish it wasn't. Things would be much less complicated if it wasn't.''

''But it is,'' Nick filled in.

Andy nodded and shivered. ''I don't want to lose you,'' she softly said. ''I can't lose you.''

''Hey,'' Nick said as he grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. ''You won't. I agree that this wasn't the finest moment for my ego, but you're still my friend.''

Andy laughed at Nick's attempt to lighten the mood. ''If it helps, I wish I did feel the same way.''

''I know,'' Nick agreed. ''I'm going to head home. You should go inside and find Nash, have drinks. You spent too much time holed up in your condo.''

Andy nodded. ''We'll see. I'll see you tomorrow?'' she asked.

''Of course.''

As she watched Nick drive by Andy thought about how easy it would be if she could chose who she loved. She wished she could return Nick's feelings because that would be easier. It would be easier to be with someone she didn't have history with. It would be easier to be with someone who didn't have any trouble confessing his feelings for her. It would be so much easier to be with someone who didn't have the power to completely destroy her.

But she didn't feel that way. She still had feelings for the guy she had more history with than with anybody else. She still cared about the guy that couldn't voice those three little words until it could literally be his last chance to say them. She still loved the guy that broke her. Months later and she was still picking up the pieces.

There was no denying it.

No matter what happened between them, she still loved Sam.

XX

''Hey,'' Andy said as she walked into the D's office after a few minutes. Traci was the only one left in there. Apparently it wasn't just a quiet day on the streets. ''You almost finished here?''

''I am,'' Traci promised. ''You okay? You look sad. Did you talk to Sam?''

''No,'' Andy answered. She sat down on Sam's chair and rested her elbows on his desk. ''Why?''

Traci put down the file in her hand and sat down too. ''He said he needed to do something when he saw you leave. I guess I was wrong,'' Traci said. ''What's wrong then?''

''Nothing,'' Andy didn't want to be complaining about her man problems every time she talked to Traci. Especially considering the fact that Traci was still mourning for Jerry. ''Just tired.''

Traci sighed and put her head on her hands. ''You don't have to lie to me,'' she said. ''I wouldn't ask you if I didn't want to know. I'm not some sad little bird and I want to know what's going on in your life.''

''It's nothing important,'' Andy insisted. ''You want to go out to the Penny? Or maybe to my place? I bought a brand new bottle of red that has our names written all over it.''

''Sure,'' Traci said. ''Give me five minutes and I'll be ready.'' Traci knew she would get Andy to talk if they had some time alone together. Andy could be very predictable. So Traci quickly finished the last things she had to do and turned off her computer.

Together they walked to Traci's car and thirty minutes later they were on Andy's couch, each with a wine glass in their hand.

''You talked to Nick lately outside of work?'' Traci asked. She had a few ideas about what could've happened with Andy and was determined to find out the truth.

Andy nodded and took a sip of wine. ''Sure. We talked today.''

''What happened Andy?'' Traci asked a little more firmly. ''It's me. We tell each other everything.''

''It's nothing serious,'' Andy promised. ''Nick just cornered me again about having feelings for him. And I don't, I really don't.''

''You told him that?'' Traci asked. She knew that Nick could be persistent. He had spent the better part of the year before trying to win back Gail. She had to admit that the guy didn't give up easily.

''I did. On multiple occasions. Then he told me to kiss him. He would leave me alone if I still didn't feel anything after that.'' Andy stood up and turned on the radio. She let the music play in the background while she finished her story. ''I told him that it was a bad idea, but he kept telling me to do it.''

''So you did it,'' Traci guessed. ''And?''

''Nothing,'' Andy replied. ''I don't feel that way for him. I told him that again, but he seemed kind of hurt. I hope things between us won't be awkward.''

Traci leaned back against the couch and shrugged. ''You didn't do anything wrong,'' she promised. ''You warned him. You told him how it would play out and you were right. He knew what he was getting into and maybe he will get it now.''

''I hope so,'' Andy softly said. ''It will probably be okay. He should just find some nice girl somewhere else and then he'll realise that we are better off being just friends.''

''When did this happen by the way? Sam and I saw you leave and you were back fifteen minutes later.'' Traci refilled her glass and took a sip.

''In the parking lot,'' Andy answered. ''He wanted to go out to the Penny and then the whole thing came up.''

''You kissed him in the parking lot?'' Traci asked. ''I thought you were going to be a little more professional.'' Traci smiled wickedly and raised her eyebrow.

''Oh my god,'' Andy put her hands in front of her face and shook her head. ''There was no one there,'' she said after a second. She sat up straight. ''I'm sure that there was no one there.''

''I was kidding,'' Traci said. ''You are young and single. You can do whatever you want.''

Andy rolled her eyes and puffed out a breath. ''I already have an awesome reputation,'' she said. She was still hurt because of Marlo's words. ''I don't need to add to that.''

''You worry too much about what other people think,'' Traci said. ''You're a good cop.''

''People don't care about that as long as there is drama to gossip about.'' Andy downed her glass of wine and slammed it on the table.

Traci put down her glass too and stretched out. ''People are idiots. They should care about your abilities as a cop and nothing else. Your life, you decide how to live it.''

''I know,'' Andy agreed. ''I know. The parking lot was really quiet and we were behind Nick's truck. There is no way that anybody saw what happened. I would've noticed.''

XX

Oliver sat up when he heard the door slam closed. Two seconds later Sam walked into the room with a clenched jaw. Oliver knew Sam for a long time and he knew that the look on his face meant nothing good.

''What's wrong?'' Oliver asked.

''Nothing,'' Sam said as he threw his duffel bag in the corner of the room. Without looking back Sam disappeared upstairs. Oliver heard the shower running and knew that Sam needed some space right now.

Twenty minutes later Sam was downstairs again. He had changed into grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt. He walked into the kitchen and Oliver heard cabinets open and slammed close again.

When Sam appeared in the doorway again he had a beer in his hand. Without saying a word he sat down on the couch and turned his gaze to the TV.

Oliver kept his eyes on his friend and noticed that he formed a fist every five seconds. ''I'll go out for a moment,'' Oliver said as he stood up. ''Take a walk. The weather is nice.''

Sam huffed. ''Don't leave on my behalf.'' He took another sip of his beer, but didn't look away from the TV.

''Why would I leave because of you?'' Oliver questioned. ''You have such a fun personality.'' Oliver knew that he was pushing the limits. If anybody else would talk to Sam that way they would pay. Oliver could get away with it though.

Oliver walked towards the door and grabbed his jacket. He walked back into the living room to grab his keys and was just about to leave when Sam spoke up again. ''I lost her,'' were the three words coming out of his mouth.

Of course Oliver knew that he was talking about Andy, he didn't even have to ask. ''You two had a fight?'' Oliver asked.

''No,'' Sam said. He was still looking at the TV while he was sipping his beer. He stood up and returned with a bottle of scotch and two glasses. ''Sit down,'' he said. ''Don't be an idiot, you don't have to leave.''

Sam poured scotch in the two glasses and handed Oliver one. He sat back in his chair and ran a hand across his face. ''She's with Collins now,'' Sam said. ''Saw them together in the parking lot. I wanted to talk to her, but I missed my chance.'' Sam took another sip and shook his head. ''Again.''

Oliver shook his head and frowned. He knew that Nick and Andy were close, but he saw no sparks there. Most of the time he was aware of stuff like that. But maybe right now he had other things on his mind. Maybe he missed a few things. ''What did you see?'' Oliver asked. ''They are good friends, maybe you are reading things the wrong way.''

Sam let out a sarcastic laugh and shook his head. ''He basically had his hands on her ass while she was shoving her tongue down his throat, so I'm pretty sure I'm reading things the right way.''

Oliver was silent for a while. He did not see this coming. He really thought that his friends would work things out. So Oliver did what he did best. He looked for a positive thing about the whole situation. He raised his glass and nodded at Sam. ''Who would've thought a year and a half ago that we would both be single now? At least misery loves company.''

Sam didn't answer Oliver's question. He just kept thinking about everything that he did wrong. He thought about everything that he should've done differently.

He lost her again.

He lost her when he didn't even had her.

It was over.

XX

**I know, it's mean..**

**But things always work out in the end.**

**I'm stupid enough to even have some hope left for the end of this season!**

**Please review to let me know how you feel!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks so much for the reviews. I have to admit that part of me wishes I didn't start this story, because I find it quite hard to keep up with. But I will finish this one way or another!**

**XX**

Sam was thankful that Andy was working opposite shifts from him for the next week. That meant he didn't have to deal with her or Collins for that matter.

He knew he was being an idiot. He has no right to be mad at her. Not even a little bit. He was the one that was in a relationship when she got back. He was the one that was trying to convince himself that he could be happy with someone else.

Not that that mattered now.

Marlo had vanished off the face of the earth. When Sam asked Frank about it he told him that she transferred to another division. Frank wouldn't let Sam know what division or why she transferred all of the sudden. Sam figured he didn't really have the right to know. He wasn't even sure he cared.

He was just on his way to work when his cell phone rang. When he saw the number on the screen Sam sighed. He had a good guess what was going on. ''Swarek,'' he quickly answered his phone. He didn't care that he was driving, this was more important right now.

''What happened?'' he asked the person on the other line. ''I'll be there as soon as I can.''

Sam quickly hung up and notified Frank that he wouldn't be able to come in today. He would make it up to him some other day.

Sam drove to St. Catherines in speed record. He parked his car and jogged inside the familiar building. ''I'm here for Sarah Swarek,'' he said when he reached the desk.

The woman behind the desk typed in some words on her computer and looked up to him with a friendly smile. ''Are you related to Ms. Swarek?''

''I'm her brother,'' Sam impatiently said while tapping his fingers on the desk.

''Someone will be with you shortly.''

Sam sighed and paced the floor. He knew this building like the back of his hand. He spent too many hours inside of it. ''Sam,'' a friendly voice pulled him from his thoughts.

''Dr. Travis,'' Sam said as he made his way to the doctor. ''How is she? What happened?''

''She'll be okay,'' Dr. Travis informed him. ''Someone found her in her apartment. She was dehydrated and there are multiple cuts on her wrists.''

Sam took a deep breath and nodded once. He really thought that she was doing better, but he was fooled once again. ''Can I see her?''

''Of course.'' The young doctor that Sam got to know over the last few years gave Sam a comforting squeeze on the shoulder. ''Sam,'' he interrupted him. ''Do you remember what we talked about last time?''

Sam nodded and looked down. ''I'll talk to her about it.''

Sam hated hospitals. He truly hated them. The walls were too sterile and the smell got to him every time. Hospitals were full of bad memories anyway. It wasn't the first time he was in this situation and he knew it wouldn't be the last time either.

''Hey,'' Sam softly greeted his sister as he made his way to her bed. He slowly sat down next to his older sister and put a hand over hers. ''What happened?''

''Sorry,'' was all that came out of Sarah's mouth. ''I told them not to call you. You must get really tired of driving all the way up here every time I do something stupid.''

Sam closed his eyes for a moment. He and Sarah had had this discussion more often. Getting into it now was useless, he knew that. ''So you do realise it was stupid?'' Sam asked. ''You're lucky that Janet keeps an eye out for you.'' Sam had never been more thankful for Sarah's neighbor.

Sarah let out a sarcastic laugh. ''Am I lucky?'' she asked. ''Probably would have been easier for a lot of people if she didn't check up on me.''

''Sarah,'' Sam warned. ''If you're going to be like this I'm not even going to talk to you.'' Sam knew his sister well enough to know that she needed some tough love from him every now and then. The rest of the world always treated her like the victim. She always felt like she was marked _'handle with care'. _Sam was the only exception.

''I don't understand why you're coming down here every single time.'' Sarah looked completely drained. She shrugged her shoulders. ''I'm a hopeless case, right?''

''Nobody said that,'' Sam insisted. ''But maybe it is better if you take some time and get into that program Dr. Travis told you about.''

''I see you already talked to him about it.'' Sarah's tone stayed flat. She was always like that after she was hospitalized. It was the same every single time. First Sarah would do something that would cause her to be hospitalized. Then she would show no emotions whatsoever. After a few days she would turn around and agree to get help. Things would return quiet for a while, only to have everything turned upside down again when someone touched her in the wrong way or when someone looked at her funny.

''He's trying to help,'' Sam reasoned. Dr. Travis had been Sarah's doctor for a few years now and was the only doctor she trusted completely. Because of that trust Sam had gotten to know the doctor too.

''It would be easier for you if they lock me up for a while, right?'' Sarah asked. ''You've been through enough, maybe I should just do it.''

''You know that's not how I feel,'' Sam said while he raised his voice a little. ''I only care about you getting better. I don't care about how many times I have to drive up here.'' Sam paused for a moment and made Sarah look at him. ''How about if I come stay with you for a while?''

Sarah started to frantically shake her head. ''No, no, no,'' she quickly said. ''Your life is in Toronto. I'm not letting you give that up too. I've already screwed up so much for you.''

''Sarah,'' Sam warned.

''It's true,'' Sarah protested. ''I'll think about going into that program. I will. As long as you promise me that you'll stay in Toronto and won't worry too much about me.''

''I always worry, you know that.'' Sam shook his head and took a deep breath. ''Get some sleep.''

''You can go home, you know?'' Sarah said. ''I feel better. I guess it just became too much for a moment and I didn't want to feel anything for a while.''

Sam closed his eyes and folded his hands together. ''Why didn't you call me?'' he asked. ''You were doing so good. The last year you always called when things were getting difficult.''

''I'm sick of being the weak one,'' Sarah said as a tear escaped her eye. ''I don't know how you stayed so strong. I'm sick of you always having to look after me, picking up the pieces.''

''That's what I'm here for,'' Sam said as one of his hands slowly found Sarah's again. ''You would do the same for me if it was necessary.''

Sarah didn't answer him, but just kept her gaze on the window.

''You can come and stay with me if you want to,'' Sam suggested. ''Maybe it would be good for you.''

''You don't want that,'' Sarah interrupted Sam. ''You've always been ashamed of me.'' Sam shook his head and wanted to protest when Sarah looked at him again. ''Who knows where you are now? When have I ever met anyone of your friends?'' she challenged him.

Sam bit on the inside of his cheeks. The only friend Sarah ever met was Jerry. And that was only because Sam needed someone to help him. At that time Jerry was the only one he trusted to have his back on that one. Whenever Sam was undercover, Jerry would keep an eye on Sarah for him. Sam only took undercover operations whenever Sarah was stable. During the time he was undercover he would sent her messages that would let her know that he was alright.

One time he had to leave an undercover operation one week before the bust would go down. Sarah was in the hospital and needed him. The higher ups weren't happy, but Sam had built enough credit at that point that they let it go.

''I'm not ashamed of you,'' Sam insisted. ''I just don't want everybody to know my personal business.''

''But you want me to come and live with you?'' Sarah asked.

''If it would help you.'' Sam was speaking the truth. He would do just about anything for his big sister. He had spent his entire life watching her struggle. Their family had always been a mess. Sam couldn't think of a time where things were quiet and normal.

Where Sam had grow up to be a strong, determined and smart guy, Sarah didn't have that luck. Her days were filled with fear and depression.

She always blamed herself for Sam's unstable youth. Whenever their father would be in prison again, they were placed into foster care. Most of the time the goal was to get them placed together. Until Sarah was thirteen that wasn't much of a problem, after her attack that changed. There weren't a lot of people that could deal with Sarah's nightmares and episodes, so they were moved around a lot. Eventually Sarah got placed in a separate home, but Sam always made sure he visited her.

''I hate the city,'' Sarah answered. ''I need to be somewhere quiet and you need to live your life.''

''I am,'' Sam insisted. ''You don't believe it, but there are a lot of people that care for you.'' Things stayed quiet for a while. ''What happened Sarah?'' Sam asked. ''You were doing so good.''

Sarah shrugged her shoulders again and turned her gaze away from Sam. ''It was stupid. There were a few boys hanging around the parking lot at the grocery store. They were standing by my car and made a few comments about me.''

For most people that would be quite innocent, for Sarah it meant being set back in time 25 years.

''It's going to be okay,'' Sam promised. ''Please promise me to think about getting into that program. It might help you.''

''It might not,'' Sarah answered.

''Well..'' Sam argued. ''You never know until you try.''

XX

That night it was nearly eight when Sam arrived back home. He had spent ten hours with Sarah. Talking to her and trying to reason with her. Eventually she agreed with him that she needed help.

Sam talked to Sarah's doctor and he gave her the option of a program once again. It would mean leaving behind her house, because the program asked for you to be in a clinic for at least a month. In Sarah's case it would probably be longer. Her issues weren't new, there was an entire childhood to work trough. The program involved a lot of talking and therapy. Things that Sarah always tried to avoid as much as she could.

It took a lot of convincing, but Sarah agreed to go. She was released from the hospital, but still needed medical care. The clinic could provide that care, so everything was arranged. Sam took Sarah to her house to pack some of her things in a suitcase.

Sam went to Sarah's neighbor Janet to thank her for saving his sister. She promised him that she would look after her house for as long as Sarah was gone.

When everything was arranged Sam drove Sarah to the clinic. He stayed for an hour to make sure she was settled, but then he had to leave. He always felt like a failure whenever he left his sister behind. He always felt like she needed him.

Sam was disturbed from his thoughts when he heard his doorbell ring. He wasn't expecting anyone and Oliver was working, so he probably didn't have any guests coming in either.

Sam wanted to ignore whoever was standing outside his house, but when the doorbell rang again he stood up with a sigh. ''Coming,'' he yelled out.

When he opened the door he found Andy standing outside of his house. ''McNally?'' Sam asked surprised. ''What are you doing here?''

Andy looked like she was in pain and leaned on the doorpost. ''I was jogging,'' she explained. ''I think I twisted my ankle. It hurts like a bitch.''

''Come in,'' Sam immediately said when he saw her looking uncomfortable. ''How did you get here?''

''It happened a block from here,'' Andy said. ''I thought it wasn't that bad, but when I put weight on it realised I wouldn't be able to get home. I would've called a cab, but I don't have my phone with me.''

''It's fine,'' Sam promised. Helping his ex was a perfect way to continue this day. Sam let Andy lean on him as they made their way to his living room.

As soon as Andy was seated, Sam bent down. He took off Andy's shoe and found her ankle already swollen and blue. Sam moved her ankle a little and looked up to see her facial expression. ''That hurt?'' he asked.

''Yeah,'' Andy answered. ''But it's not broken. I wouldn't have been able to walk here if it was.''

''You probably shouldn't have walked at all,'' Sam argued. ''You could have done more damage.''

Andy winced when Sam moved her foot again. ''Didn't have much of a choice, I had to go somewhere and there was nobody to help. Sorry to disturb you. If I can just borrow your phone I'll call someone to pick me up.''

Having Collins picking up Andy at his place was the last thing Sam wanted, so he quickly shook his head. ''That's not what I meant. You know you can always come to me when you need help.'' Sam inspected Andy's ankle a little further and looked up again. ''I think you're right. Looks like a sprain.''

''Great,'' Andy muttered. ''Desk duty for me.''

''Yup,'' Sam agreed. ''You need to go by the doctor tomorrow to make sure it's nothing more serious, okay?'' Sam stood up and walked towards his kitchen to grab some ice.

''Yes sir,'' Andy said as he left the room. When he returned she quickly took the cold bag from him and placed it on her ankle. She groaned a little when the ice cold item made contact with her skin.

''You need me to give you a ride home?'' Sam asked. As much as he was fine with having Andy inside his house, he knew he had no right to think of her in that way anymore.

''If it's not too much trouble? I could always call someone else if you have plans, that's fine too. I'm already glad you're home, I wouldn't know what I would've done if you wouldn't have been here.''

''I'm always here,'' Sam softly said. He looked Andy in the eye and swallowed when a small smile formed on her lips.

''You are,'' she agreed.

''Let's go,'' Sam quickly ended their moment. He stood up and helped Andy up too. He held a hand around her waist to steady her as she kept an arm around his shoulder to lean on. Sam practically lifted her into his truck and then moved to the driver's side and got in as well. ''Where to?'' he asked.

''Home?'' Andy asked. ''Where else would I go?''

''I don't know,'' Sam lightly answered. ''Nash' place, Collins place...''

Andy frowned and readjusted the ice pack on her ankle. ''Why would you take me there? I came running here so my stuff is at my place.''

''I don't know how serious the two of you are,'' Sam argued. ''You were already living together undercover.'' Sam didn't want to fish, he really didn't. Still, he needed to know what was really going on. If he had really and truly blew every chance he ever had with Andy.

''I'm not following,'' Andy said confused. ''We were posing as a couple undercover..''

Sam shook his head and let out a sarcastic laugh. ''I'm sure you two were really convincing.''

''Do you think I'm dating Nick?'' Andy said suddenly figuring out a few things.

''Is it supposed to be a secret?'' Sam asked not following anymore.

''There's nothing going on between the two of us,'' Andy answered. Her voice was an octave higher than it normally was and all the pain in her ankle was suddenly forgotten. ''Where did you get that idea?"

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose and then put his hand on the steering wheel again. ''You were kissing him in the parking lot just a week ago. If you don't want people to know, go somewhere private.'' Basically the last thing Sam wanted was for Collins to take McNally somewhere private, but he wanted her to cut the act she was putting on.

''You saw that?'' Andy asked horrified. ''Oh my god.''

''Yeah, so I guess secret's out.'' Sam sounded bitter, even to his own ears. He was very much done with the day he had. When he got Andy home safely he would get home as soon as he could and sleep for the next twelve hours.

''There is nothing going on,'' Andy insisted. ''Nobody was supposed to see that. It was just some stupid thing Nick made me do.''

''Collins made you kiss him?'' Sam asked. This situation was getting more absurd by the second.

''I,'' Andy started. ''He.'' Andy took a deep breath and threw her hands up in the air. ''It is complicated.''

''I have time.'' Sam was very interested in what Andy had to say. Because if she was speaking the truth right now, then that meant that maybe he would have another chance with her.

Andy shook her head and looked out of the window. ''It's something between Nick and me,'' she answered. She didn't want to tell Sam about what happened between Nick and her, she owed Nick that much. ''But we are not together in anyway.''

''It didn't look like nothing to me.''

''You can either believe me or not, but I don't have to explain myself to you,'' Andy defended herself. ''What happened between us is private and I think I have enough strikes against me at this point to get into it more deeply.''

''What do you mean?'' Sam couldn't figure out what Andy was talking about. Ten minutes alone with her and he was again more confused than ever.

A red light forced Sam to stop his truck. He turned slightly and looked at Andy. ''What do you mean Andy?''

''Let's not pretend that I don't have a reputation,'' Andy said. ''If more people saw us in the parking lot than that's just great.''

''It was just me,'' Sam promised. ''And the only reputation you have is that you're a good cop.''

A sarcastic chuckle escaped Andy's lips. ''Sure. You know just as well as I do that people gossip and my actions have brought on a lot of gossip.''

''What are you talking about?'''

''I got engaged to a detective my first year on the job. He cheats on me and a few months later I get suspended for sleeping with a superior officer that was undercover at the time. Then that same detective I was once engaged to, picks me to go on a task force with one of my close friends. Rumors about me and him were already going on before we even returned.'' Andy was summing up everything that bothered her since Marlo had confronted her in the locker room.

The light turned green, so Sam slowly drove away again. ''People are always going to talk Andy,'' Sam tried to comfort her. ''Who is telling you all this stuff anyway?''

''Had a little run in with your ex,'' Andy explained. ''She wasn't too happy in that moment and decided that it was because of me that she was feeling miserable.''

Sam cringed a little when Andy told him that, but he quickly composed himself. ''She had no right to do that. I'm sorry.''

''Not your fault,'' Andy answered. ''Just sucked to hear.''

''I understand.'' Sam was quiet for a moment, processing everything that Andy had just told him. ''Nothing is going on between you and Collins?'' he asked once again.

''No,'' Andy answered truthfully. ''We're friends, but nothing more. I guess the lines became a little blurry when we were undercover, because all we had was each other. But we really are just friends.''

''What did you expect when you came home?'' Sam decided that he was done being a coward for a moment. If he ever wanted to make some headway with Andy, he needed to step up. Things needed to get out in the open. He preferred to ask this question while driving, he was forced to focus on the road instead of his heart pounding in his chest.

Andy absently kept playing with the ice pack on her ankle. The pain was completely gone at the moment, but Andy guessed that that was because all of the emotions that were going on in her mind right now.

''Honestly?'' she asked. ''I expected things to be the same.''

''The same as what?''

Andy looked at Sam, he was avoiding looking at her. ''The same as when I left.'' Andy took in a deep breath and decided to be brave. ''I guess I was hoping you were still willing to buy me that drink.'' When Sam didn't answer right away she continued. ''I thought Chris would still be himself, I figured Dov would still be miserable, I was worried about Traci because I just left her behind..''

''Andy,'' Sam tried to interrupt.

''It's okay,'' Andy quickly said. ''I left. I had no right to assume that you would wait for me.''

''I didn't know there was something to wait for,'' Sam shot back. ''You left so I assumed that that was it. You didn't want to be with me. The way I saw it you made that perfectly clear.''

''I needed some time,'' Andy tried. ''I couldn't just jump back into your arms after what you did to me.''

''I wasn't myself Andy,'' Sam defended his actions from a year before. ''I didn't know how to deal with everything that was going on. I'll admit I handled everything badly, but I needed some space.''

''You could've asked me for that.'' Andy was so tired all of the sudden. ''I'm not a mind reader. And you never shared anything with me, so how was I supposed to know what was going on in your head?''

Sam sighed when they reached Andy's place. He killed the engine and leaned back against his chair. ''I guess you couldn't have known.''

''I shouldn't have left,'' Andy quickly told him. ''It was a coward thing to do, but when you told me that you wanted another chance..'' Andy shook her head. ''I guess I was just afraid of how that would turn out.''

''Why?'' Sam asked.

''Because I was a mess after you left me standing there in that parking lot.'' Andy looked at Sam and saw his pained expression. ''I'm not saying this to hurt you..''

''I know, continue.''

''I was a mess,'' Andy continued. ''And if I gave you another chance and you decided that everything that happened was my fault after all.. or if you decided that I wasn't enough again.''

''It wasn't that Andy,'' Sam softly said. ''I never blamed you, not really. And you have never _not_ been enough.''

''I let you lead,'' Andy repeated the words she also told the departments therapist. ''I let you lead and then I got left. Again.'' Andy looked at her feet, knowing that she would break if she would meet Sam's eyes.

''Andy,'' Sam tried to make her look at him. ''If I could take back that night..''

''You can't,'' Andy quickly said. She swallowed and finally looked up again. ''You can't undo it. Just like I can't undo leaving.''

Sam's breathing picked up. ''Would you?'' he needed to know.

Andy waited a few seconds before replying. ''In a heartbeat.''

''Then give me that chance now,'' Sam pleaded. When Andy look slightly confused Sam continued. ''I still mean everything I told you that night. I want to cook for you, I want to take out your trash and I'll walk your dog if you decide you want one.''

Andy closed her eyes and let her head fall back against her chair. ''We hurt each other so badly.''

''So, we change, we grow,'' Sam used Oliver's wise words. ''We can be better.''

''How can you be so sure?'' Andy asked.

Sam looked outside and then looked back at Andy. ''Because I know now how it feels to have lost you. I don't want to go through that again.''

''I'm scared,'' Andy admitted.

''I'm here,'' Sam shot back. ''All you have to do is say yes and let me show you.''

When Andy shivered, Sam was out of the truck in no time. ''Let me help you upstairs.''

Slowly they walked inside. While she was walking Andy felt the pain in her ankle again. She winced as she put weight on it and was grateful for Sam's arm that held her upright. When they reached her condo, Andy quickly opened the door. Sam helped her to her couch and crouched down in front of her.

''Are you going to be okay on your own?'' he asked. He was hurt that she didn't answer his question, but he realised that he might be too late.

Andy nodded. ''I'll be okay,'' she promised. Her heart was still beating out of control, but she was trying to not let that show.

''Then I'll go home,'' Sam said. He gave her a tight smile and stood up. When he reached for the doorknob Andy stopped him.

''Sam,'' she practically yelled. When he turned around she smiled shyly. ''When do you think you can buy me that drink?'' she asked.

XX

**Finally some headway for Sam and Andy, but of course still has a lot of things he need to tell her...**

**And Andy still has to deal with Nick.. Enough drama ahead..**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the long wait! Since I'm combining work with school I have so little free time!**

**I'll try to make an update again as soon as I can.**

**XX**

Three nights later Andy walked into the Penny and looked around the bar. There weren't a lot of people she recognised. She figured that was a good thing. She smiled a little when she saw Sam sitting at the bar. He was looking at his glass and looked nervous too.

Slowly Andy made her way towards him and sat down on the barstool next to him. ''Hey,'' she softly said. ''You're here already.''

''Of course,'' Sam said as he gave her a quick look over. ''How was your day?''

''Pretty slow,'' Andy answered. ''Nothing too serious.'' Silence washed over them for a moment and Andy looked down at her hands. ''Which was good you know. For a change.''

When Liam made his way towards them, Sam quickly ordered a drink for Andy. He then turned to Andy. ''I'm glad you made it,'' he said sincerely. ''I wasn't sure you would.'' When Sam reached the Penny that night it felt all too familiar. Not that long ago he was in the same position. That night she didn't show.

''I'm nervous,'' Andy said. ''I know that might be a stupid thing to say, but I am and I already said it.''

''It's just me Andy,'' Sam tried to reason. He knew that it wasn't that simple. If he was completely honest with himself he had to admit that he was nervous too. The fact that it was Andy sitting next to him didn't make it easier, it made things worse. Because it felt like this was the absolute last chance to work things out.

Andy nodded and quickly took a sip of her drink when Liam placed it in front of her. ''How was your day?'' she asked.

''Helped Oliver move,'' Sam answered. ''He found an apartment, so he moved out of my place.''

''That was quick,'' Andy said. ''Good for him though.''

Sam nodded. ''Yeah, especially with the kids and everything it's best to get things settled as quick as possible. I told him that he could have them over at my place, but he didn't want that.''

''I can understand that.'' Andy became silent again and looked around the bar. She wished they would have gone to a different place, but it was too late for that now. She had worked the day shift and Sam had the day off. Because of the location of the Penny it really was the easiest option for her after work. She wasn't really digging the fact that her colleagues could show up any minute though.

They sat together in silence. Sam was tapping his fingers against his glass while Andy nervously played with her earring. ''I would have come that night,'' she said after a moment. When Sam looked up at her she shrugged. ''That night, I would have come.''

''But you didn't,'' Sam told her after a second.

''I know,'' Andy said. ''Luke offered me a spot on the task force. I had literary five minutes before I had to leave. I couldn't tell anybody and I couldn't turn the spot down.''

''Why not?'' Sam wondered. That was the question that was stuck in his head for months now. The only reason he could come up with was that she didn't want to stay. She didn't accept his apology and decided that she was done with him for good. She walked away from him.

''You know how those things work,'' Andy reasoned. ''It's always kept in the dark for a little.''

''I mean, why couldn't you turn the spot down?'' Sam asked. ''If you wanted to come meet me, why didn't you tell Luke you couldn't go?''

Andy turned her head so she wasn't facing Sam anymore. ''I practically begged Luke for a spot on that taskforce. I couldn't turn it down just because of you.''

''I see.'' Sam took another sip and placed his glass on the bar.

Andy noticed the change in his attitude and faced him again. ''I didn't know if I could believe you,'' she explained. ''You told me all of those things, but it was basically the complete opposite from everything you had been signalling to me the weeks before.''

''I was a mess Andy,'' Sam tried to defend himself. ''I didn't know how to deal with everything.''

''I know that,'' Andy told him. ''I know that,'' she repeated a little more softly. ''Look, I can't do this here, okay?''

A sad chuckle escaped Sam's mouth. ''You really make a habit out of walking away, huh?'' he wondered.

All of the sudden Andy was getting angry. ''I mean that I don't want to discuss this in a bar where our friends and colleagues can walk in any moment.'' She let out a deep breath and shook her head. ''Can we just get out of here?''

Sam scolded himself for jumping to conclusions. ''Of course.'' He quickly threw some bills on the bar to pay for their drinks. Together they made their way outside and towards Sam's truck. When they were inside of the truck Sam waited for a moment. ''Where do you want to go?''

''I don't know.'' Andy shrugged. ''Maybe a public place isn't the best option.''

''Your place?'' Sam asked.

''If that's okay with you.''

Sam was already starting the truck before Andy finished her sentence. The ride to her place was filled with an uncomfortable silence. Ten minutes later Sam parked the truck at Andy's condo and made his way outside.

When they were inside of the apartment Andy handed Sam a beer and sat down on the chair opposite from the couch that Sam was sitting on.

Silence was still filling the room, both unwilling to finish the argument they started at the Penny. Both unsure how to work their way out of the mess they had created in a year.

''I didn't trust you,'' Andy started. ''When you told me that you loved me and that you were willing to do anything, I didn't trust you to actually do that. It felt like a heat of the moment thing, even when you said it wasn't.''

''It wasn't,'' Sam insisted again. ''But you didn't give me the chance to make you see, you left.''

''You broke up with me Sam.'' Andy raised her voice and threw her hands up in the air. ''You left me too.''

''I already tried to explain that to you. I know I was stupid and that it was a mistake, but I can't take it back. After that day I didn't know what to do with myself and I didn't know how to deal with you.'' Sam took a deep breath. He was getting worked up and he knew he had to keep himself under control if they wanted to get anywhere. Storming out mad wouldn't do them any good.

''You didn't know how to deal with me?'' Andy asked. ''What does that even mean?''

''You wanted me to talk. You wanted to know what I was feeling and I couldn't tell you. I'm not used to sharing and you were in my face all day long.''

''I was worried about you,'' Andy shouted. ''If you needed space, then you could have asked for that. I would have given it to you. I would've hated it, but I would have tried to give you the time you needed. You didn't have to dump me in the parking lot of a bar while it was pouring rain.''

Sam winced a little when she pointed out how big of an ass he had been. The way he left her behind crying was something that he hated more than anything. ''That was a mistake,'' he admitted. ''But at that time I thought it was best for you.''

''Don't,'' Andy immediately said. ''Don't act like you did it for my wellbeing or whatever. You don't get to pull that card.''

''I didn't want to burden you with all the crap I was going through.'' Sam was trying to make Andy see that he never meant to hurt her, but somehow things weren't going very smoothly.

The mood in the room was dark and tensed. Both were thinking about what the other did to them.

''I don't want to compare what you were going through to what I was going through, but I was struggling too Sam,'' Andy tried. ''My best friends fiancée died.'' Andy paused for a second and looked at Sam. ''At that time you were my boyfriend and your best friend died. I felt like I had to split myself in two. I admit that I handled things badly..''

''You did what you thought was right and so did I,'' was Sam's conclusion as he closed his eyes.

''How did you figure that walking away was the right thing to do?'' Andy asked. She looked at the ground and wrapped an arm around herself.

Sam looked at Andy as he clenched his jaw. ''I guess I can ask you the same question.''

''So that's what it's coming down to?'' Andy looked up to look Sam in the eye. ''Who hurt who more by leaving?''

Silence washed over the room once again while both thought about what was next. They weren't really going anywhere, they could both see that too.

''When I came back I thought that you would be waiting for me. I know that that was stupid, but after what you told me it was what I was counting on. Even if I wouldn't admit it to anyone.'' Andy smiled sadly and rubbed her hands over her legs. ''I didn't expect things to get better magically, but I did think we would at least try to work things out. Talk about things, really talk about things.''

Sam finally looked up again too and met Andy's eyes. ''I took you leaving as a sign that you were done.''

''We suck at communicating,'' Andy said.

''We do,'' Sam agreed. ''So what now?''

Andy shrugged and took in a deep breath. ''I don't know.'' She covered her eyes with her hands and let herself fall back against her chair. ''I am so tired,'' she admitted. She let the tiredness take over for a moment before sitting up again. ''Did you love her?''

Sam's head snapped up and he swallowed. It took him a few moments before he knew what to say. ''No.'' He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. ''I care about her, but I never loved her. Marlo was just a distraction Andy. I know it wasn't fair to her, but I didn't realise it myself until it was too late.''

A tear escaped from Andy's eye. She quickly whipped it away, but her voice broke down anyway when she spoke up again. ''Why were you flaunting her around like that?'' When Sam gave her a puzzled look she explained further. ''Everywhere I looked I saw you with her. Kissing at the barn, arms wrapped around each other.'' Another tear fell.

''Andy it wasn't like that.''

''When we were together you wanted to be professional. Even in the Penny you hardly ever touched me.'' Andy couldn't help but feel insecure after watching Sam in another relationship. He had looked comfortable with Marlo. More comfortable than with her.

''Andy,'' Sam said as he shook his head. ''It wasn't like that, I promise.''

''Then why?'' Andy questioned. ''I figured you just had something against public display of affection or something, but with her it was like the complete opposite.''

Within no time Sam was off the couch and crouched down in front of Andy. He had one hand on her knee, he used his other hand to search for hers. ''I was trying to prove to everyone that I was over you. I was an ass, but that's what it was.''

''But why?'' Andy asked again. ''I don't understand why you were with her if it didn't mean anything. It lasted for months Sam, that's not some kind of fling.''

Sam closed his eyes and stood up. ''Because I told myself that I couldn't be with you. And being with Marlo prevented me from working things out with you.''

''You make no sense to me,'' Andy said.

''You want to know the truth Andy?'' Sam asked as he was pacing her living room floor. ''I was sure that one day you would wake up and decide that you wanted someone else. Someone more stable, someone less complicated.''

''What do you mean?'' Andy stood up too and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

''You want to talk about leaving Andy?'' Sam wondered. ''How about when you left for three months after I get tortured by a psychopath?''

''I did that for you!'' Andy yelled. ''If I wouldn't have left we would have both lost our jobs. What way is that to start a relationship? We would have ended up hating each other.''

Sam laughed sarcastically. ''They were never going to fire us. I tried to tell you that, but instead of listening to me you run off to Temagami.''

''I called you, I explained my decision to you.'' Andy swallowed and walked around the room. ''You may not agree with my decision, but I did it and I can't change it.''

Sam sighed and shook his head. ''There's no point in fighting about things from the past.''

''You never wanted to talk anyway, huh?'' Andy said while she crossed her arms in front of her chest. Sam was right, there was no point in fighting about things from the past. But while they were going at it, there were a few other things that she would like to clarify.

''What is that supposed to mean?'' Sam asked.

''When did we ever talk?'' Andy wondered. ''You never told me anything about yourself. You couldn't even tell me how you felt about me during the entire year we were together.''

Sam closed his eyes. He knew he didn't treat her the way she deserved. ''Andy, I..'' he started.

''And then I come back and I see you with someone else and you look happy. And you didn't seem to mind showing people that you were happy.''

''I wasn't happy,'' Sam stated. ''I was trying to be. I was telling myself that I was, but I wasn't.''

At that moment Andy decided it was now or never. She had to know where things were heading. If things were heading anywhere. ''Were you happy when we were together?'' she questioned.

Sam took a moment to make sure that Andy was looking him straight in the eyes. ''I was struggling with a lot of stuff. I didn't know how to let you in, but I was happy.''

''How?'' Andy wondered. She didn't think it was possible to be happy when you can't even share your feelings with the person you're with.

''Because I was with you,'' Sam simply said. He closed his eyes and sat down on the couch again. ''We never really talked about this.'' He swallowed. ''I knew I wanted you long before you showed up at the Alphine.''

''When?''

''Night of the blackout. Possibly before that, but the night of the blackout was definitely an eye opener.''

''You never said anything?'' Andy was still standing. She felt a little uncomfortable looking down on Sam like that, so she decided to sit down as well.

''You knew,'' Sam shot back. ''We may have never talked about it, but you knew we were never just partners.''

Andy didn't answer him. He was right though. She always avoided the conversation about what was going on between them. At first she was with Luke and she decided that she was going to be happy with him. After the blackout she wanted to talk, but Sam shot her down and she never made a true effort to change his mind. After that both of them became really good at avoiding the talk. Sam wanted Andy to be happy and thought that Luke was what she wanted. Andy thought that Sam would never settle and decided that Luke would be able to give her a stable life.

''I guess so,'' Andy answered. ''But why did you never try to talk to me?''

''You were with Callaghan Andy,'' Sam sighed out. ''I might colour outside the lines every now and then, but I'm not a home wrecker.''

''I know,'' Andy softly agreed. ''I'm sorry.''

''We both made mistakes.''

''We did.'' Andy whipped away another tear that felt down. She hated the fact that the whole breakup still got to her this much. She was always one to bounce back quickly after heartbreak, but not this time.

''Don't cry,'' Sam pleaded. He sat down on the arm of Andy's chair. He gently pulled her towards him and put his arms around her. Andy was reluctant for a second, but when she gave in it was like coming home. Being in his arms again felt wonderful. Sam pressed a kiss to the top of her hair and took in her sent. He missed her more than he could say. ''I'm sorry for being such an ass.''

''I'm sorry I left,'' Andy sadly said.

They sat together like that for a few moments. When they broke apart Sam stood up and sat down on Andy's coffee table. He took her hands in his and rubbed his thumb across her knuckles. ''What do you want to do now?'' he asked.

''I want to stop feeling like this,'' Andy answered. ''I want you and I want to stop wanting you.''

''Give me one chance,'' Sam begged. ''One chance and I'll make you see that we are good together.''

''How?'' Andy's voice broke and took in a deep breath to get some control. ''What will change? What's going to be different then last time Sam?''

''We'll talk,'' Sam started off. ''It's not going to be easy, but we'll talk. I'll show you that I love you. That means I'm going to take care of you and do everything I promised you all those months ago.''

''You don't have to do everything,'' Andy softly said. ''That's not the kind of relationship I want.''

Sam nodded and squeezed her hand. ''What do you want?''

''I want to wake up with you and not wonder how long it will take for you to run off. I want to stop wondering what's going on inside your head. I want to be with you. It doesn't matter if you're in a good or bad place. I just want to be with you.''

''Do you still love me?'' Sam asked. He knew that her answer would determine the rest of their conversation, but he needed to know.

Andy looked at him. Her eyes were glistening with tears, her hair was a mess and she looked exhausted. She softly bit down on her bottom lip and nodded. ''I love you.''

''Then we can make this work.'' Sam tried not to sigh with relief when she spoke those three little words again. He missed hearing those words. She was the only one to ever say them to him without hesitation. She was the only one who ever told him those three little words without expecting anything back.

Andy thought about everything that happened in the past few months. She thought about how she felt the moment Sam told her he couldn't be with her. She knew that she wouldn't be able to handle another disappointment with him. She also knew that he was the one for her. She owed it to herself to try with him. ''How do we start?''

Sam couldn't help but smile for a second. He knew they still had a long road to go, but at least he had another chance with her. ''You say you want to know me,'' Sam said. ''What do you want to know?''

Surprise filled Andy's eyes. She hadn't expected for him to give her that question. ''A lot of things,'' Andy said. ''I want to know what you were like as a child, I want to know about your family and why you decided to go undercover all the time.'' Andy took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling. ''I want to know what it is about BLT that you love so much. I want to know why you're such a surprisingly big neat freak. I want to know what you're afraid of and what you want out of life. Basically there are a lot of things I want to know.''

''That are a lot of things,'' Sam agreed. He took a moment to think about it. ''Okay. As a kid I guess I was pretty quiet. Never gave away much about myself. Didn't have many friends, but didn't get bullied either.'' Sam swallowed and smiled sadly. ''I told you JD met his dad in jail. That was my story. I was six when he got out. At first I was excited, but soon I realised I had been better off without him.''

''Sam,'' Andy whispered. ''You don't have to do all of this now.''

''I do,'' Sam answered. ''I do.'' He took another breath. ''You asked what I was afraid off. I'm not afraid of a lot of things, but I don't like tool sheds. Wouldn't go as far as being afraid of them, but I do hate them.''

''Why?'' Andy asked when she realised he needed her to talk for a moment.

''When I was six, my dad locked me into the tool shed over night because I broke his hockey stick. When I was ten he made me sleep in there for a week because I didn't mown the lawn. I forgot.. By the time I was sixteen I was screwing up just so I wouldn't have to sleep under the same roof as that guy.''

Andy knew Sam didn't want her sympathy. He just wanted her to know. He wanted to open up to her even if it was incredibly hard for him to do. ''What did you do?'' Andy asked.

''Lots of stuff,'' Sam answered. ''Nothing too big, but it could have gotten me in trouble. My old T.O. was actually the one that gave me a clean slate. I went to the academy because of him.''

Andy nodded and squeezed Sam's hand. ''Thanks for telling me that. I know I said I want to know things about you, but only on your terms.''

''I want you to know me,'' Sam immediately said. ''It's not going to be done overnight, but I'll try.''

A faint smile formed on Andy's lips. ''Thank you,'' she said again.

''I know I screwed up after..'' Sam shook his head. ''I never should have left you. I shouldn't have tried to move on with Marlo.'' Sam inched a little closer and made sure that Andy was looking at him very closely. ''It will be different, I promise.''

''It's not all on you.'' Andy thought back to the way they started. It felt right, but it wasn't. ''I shouldn't have left during the suspension. At least not without talking about it with you in person. I still believe that I was protecting our careers, but I went about it the wrong way.''

''We both made some mistakes.''

''Maybe the way we got together was a sign for trouble.'' Andy leaned backwards and sighed. ''I think I spent the biggest part of my suspension thinking about how stupid I had been. You could have been killed that night Sam.''

''I know, but you had my back.''

''We were so irresponsible.'' Andy could still recall the way she felt when she was sitting in that cruiser outside of Brennan's property. She was so scared that Sam was badly hurt. It would have been her fault and she would have never recovered from that.

Sam leaned back too and stood up. ''That was on me Andy. I was the one that was on the job and I was the senior officer. I shouldn't have let you come to my apartment, but I couldn't help myself.''

Sam felt restless and sat down again. ''But it wasn't you that got me made, that was Boyd.''

Andy stayed silent and closed her eyes. ''We keep talking about how we messed up. What are the chances we won't let that happen again?''

''We know what's at stake now.'' Sam placed his hands back on Andy's knees and slowly rubbed his thumb around in circles. ''I know I don't want to feel the way I have felt for the last few months anymore.''

''Me neither,'' Andy agreed. She looked at the floor and turned her gaze back to Sam's eyes again. ''I want to try, but I'm scared.''

''That's what makes it fun, right?'' Sam tried.

Finally Andy made her decision. The fact that Sam still knew what he told her three and a half years ago made her see that he never forgot. He always remembered things that were important to her. He was what she wanted and she owed it to both of them to try again.

She smiled and nodded. ''It is.'' Andy moved forwards and cupped Sam's cheek. ''I've missed you,'' she confessed as she leaned in and softly pressed their lips together. When they broke apart she ran her finger across his eyebrow. ''Really missed you.''

Sam didn't waste any time and quickly leaned in for another kiss. The kiss intensified quickly, but Andy broke it off before things could get really heated. ''I want to take it slow,'' she said. ''I need to take this slow.''

''Okay,'' Sam answered. ''Whatever you want.''

Andy let out a nervous sigh. She didn't think that Sam would pressure her into anything, but telling a guy you want to take things slow probably isn't what he wished to hear. ''Sorry,'' she quickly added.

''Hey,'' Sam warned. He nudged her nose with his and gave her a sweet kiss again. ''Don't apologize for that.''

''It's probably not what you hoped for,'' Andy said while she was biting her bottom lip.

''Is that what you think?'' Sam asked. ''That having sex is all I care about?''

''Of course not,'' Andy tried.

''I want to be with you,'' Sam said. ''And if you want to take things slow than we'll do that. You'll set the pace.''

''Okay,'' Andy softly said. She smiled widely and kissed Sam again. Just because she could. Just because he was there.

''Go out with me,'' Sam asked. ''Let me take you to dinner.''

''I thought you said you were going to make me dinner?'' Andy teased.

Sam grinned as he stood up and grabbed the keys to his truck. ''Then I guess I have some groceries to do.''

Andy quickly stood up too and grabbed Sam's arm. ''I was kidding, kidding.''

''No McNally. I think it's time I'm going to live up to my promises.''

Andy couldn't do anything but smile as she watched Sam move through her apartment.

''Hey, Andy?'' Sam asked just as he was about to leave. ''I'll take out your garbage too after I'm done.''

XX

**I know, long chapter! I had no idea where to cut it off...**

**Please review. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Here's the next chapter!  
I have to admit I was a little lost with this story. I didn't know where I wanted to take it anymore. But now this chapter is finished I have some new ideas, so I'll probably continue for a few more chapters!**

**XX**

Two weeks passed by. In those weeks Andy and Sam saw each other frequently at work. Outside of work they spend a lot of time together as well. Sam cooked for Andy two times and they went out one time too. Things between them had been going well, but they hadn't put a label on anything yet.

Andy was still hesitant about others finding out that she and Sam were trying again. She was afraid about what people would say or think. Deep down she knew that the only people who had a right to have an opinion were her and Sam, but somehow she couldn't shake the humiliation of Marlo's words.

''_First Luke Callaghan. Then you almost get Sam killed by sleeping with him. After that you leave for three months and he still takes you back. I must say McNally, your reputation really is well known by all of TPS. And you would insult my intelligence by saying that nothing ever happened between you and Collins. So it's safe to say that you really get around.''_

Of course Andy knew that Marlo was just hurt by Sam breaking up with her. Still the words were fresh in her mind. The reason Andy joined 15th was to clear the McNally name. If that was her reputation she wasn't doing a very good job.

Since she was on desk duty and it was the slowest day they had in a while, Andy had done a lot of thinking. Over thinking as Sam would say it. Andy sighed and opened a game of solitaire on the computer.

''McNally,'' Sam's voice pulled her from her thoughts. ''How are you today?''

A smile instantly formed on Andy's lips. No matter how much she was doubting every choice she made in the last year, whenever Sam was around all of that disappeared. Whenever she was around him she felt like she was exactly where she was supposed to be.

''I'm good. A little bored, but good.'' Andy looked at Sam and couldn't help but notice that he looked lighter too. Like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. ''How are you?''

''Can't complain,'' Sam answered. He quickly looked around to see if anybody was listening to them. When he saw that nobody was around he leaned a little closer. ''How about dinner?''

Andy reluctantly shook her head. ''Can't. I already made plans with Traci to catch up. She's getting a little suspicious for why I keep on saying no whenever she invites me over.''

''Why don't you just tell her?'' Sam wondered. He wasn't the insecure type, but he didn't get why Andy wanted to be so secretive about everything. As far as he was concerned it was nobody's business, but sneaking around felt unnecessary too because they weren't doing anything wrong.

''I might,'' Andy said. ''We'll see. Rain check on that dinner?''

''Of course.'' Sam looked at Andy for a while and then gave her a small nod. ''Text me when you get home, okay?''

Andy wanted to sigh after Sam said that, but she restrained herself. On the nights they spent together they talked about a lot of things and Andy got that Sam would always be protective. That was who he was and his past had made him like that. She needed to learn to respect that.

Just as he had to learn that she was independent. She could make her own decisions. She could take care of herself. She really didn't need him weighing in on _everything._

''I will,'' Andy promised. ''But don't wait up. It will probably be late. Leo is on some school trip so we have the house all to ourselves.''

''Be safe,'' was the last thing Sam said before he headed back to his office.

XX

''So, what's new with you?'' Traci asked when Andy flopped down on Traci's couch. ''Where have you been for the last two weeks?''

''Worked a lot,'' Andy answered. It wasn't a lie, Andy did work a lot. ''It's been kind of crazy lately. With Chris and Marlo gone they're having a hard time getting enough uniforms on the street.''

''Dov told me that Chris might be transferring back,'' Traci admitted. ''Apparently he and Denise are fighting a lot.''

''What about Christian?'' Andy wondered. She knew that Chris was one of the good guys. He wouldn't run off and leave his kid behind.

''I think he wants all three of them to move back, but I'm not sure.'' Traci stood up and walked into the kitchen. A few minutes later she returned with popcorn and drinks.

When Andy saw the bottle she raised an eyebrow. ''We're drinking the hard stuff tonight?'' she wondered.

''My child is away for the night,'' Traci defended her choice. ''I think I deserve a night of care free drinking. Besides, how often do we do this?''

''Not as much as we used to,'' Andy agreed. She grabbed the bottle out of Traci's hands and poured the liquid in the two glasses that were on the table.

Traci sat down next to Andy again. ''So spill. What is new in the Andy/Nick/Gail love triangle?''

That question surprised Andy a little and she almost spilled her drink. ''Trace! You are up to date on that story. Nothing else happened. Nick knows there's nothing there, at least not for me.''

''And he hasn't given you any trouble about it? Hasn't insisted that he can change your mind?''

Andy shrugged. ''We haven't seen each other that much. And we've been partnered with different people.'' Andy looked at the floor and tried to shake the awful feeling she had in the pit of her stomach. She really hated herself for how she let the situation with Nick get out of hand. ''Enough about me,'' she quickly said. ''What's going on with you and why is there a certain guns and gangs detective hanging around the station way more than he needs to?''

''It's not what you think.'' Traci grabbed a handful of popcorn and absently put one in her mouth. When Andy raised an eyebrow Traci smiled a little. ''Okay, maybe it is a little like you think.''

''Oh my god,'' Andy laughed. ''You together with a Peck. Who would have thought.''

''Nothing happened,'' Traci insisted. ''He says he wants to take me out, but I don't know.''

Immediately Andy's laughter died. She realised why Traci would say no to a date. ''You deserve to be happy Trace,'' Andy said. ''If you like him give him a chance. If it doesn't work out; no harm no foul.''

''Leo is doing good now,'' Traci explained. ''I don't want him to get attached to someone. He deserves my full attention now.''

''Leo deserves a mom who is happy.'' Andy placed her hand on Traci's shoulder and gave it a small squeeze. ''And I'm not saying you should let him meet Leo. Just figure out where things are going first. Take baby steps.''

Silence filled the room as Traci thought about what Andy said. ''Maybe you're right,'' she answered after a few moments. ''But I'll worry about that later. First we have a movie to watch.''

Two hours later the credits were rolling down. Andy was on her back on Traci's couch while Traci was sitting in front of the couch. ''Ryan Reynolds is hot,'' Andy said.

''Wouldn't kick him out of bed,'' Traci agreed. She stood up and the room was spinning a little. ''How much did we drink?'' she wondered.

''More than is good for us,'' Andy answered. ''Told you it was a bad idea to drink something heavier than wine. We can't take it anymore. We're old.''

''Hey,'' Traci yelled as she let herself fall down on a chair. ''Speak for yourself. I am much younger then you are.'' She tried to put down the glass that was still in her hand. She used much more force than necessary so when the glass hit the table a loud bang followed.

''Point taken,'' Andy laughed. She put her hands over her eyes and groaned a little. ''Do I have to work tomorrow?''

''Yup,'' Traci answered. ''The citizens of Toronto will count on you once again officer McNally.''

By the mention of her surname Andy immediately thought of Sam. She smiled as she remembered how sweet he had been since their talk. He really had gone out of his way to prove to her that he was serious this time.

''What are you smiling about?'' Traci wondered.

''Life,'' Andy sighed out. ''It's good, you know? Work is good. Life is good.'' She knew she wasn't making any sense. The alcohol was getting to her.

''And love?'' Traci asked with a grin on her face. ''Is love good too?''

''It's not bad,'' Andy admitted. Her cheeks reddened and she put a throw pillow over her face. ''I didn't want to admit that,'' she shrieked out.

''I guess it's a good thing I brought out the heavy stuff then, huh?'' Traci wondered. ''But now you've got to tell me about it. Who? When? How? And is it good?''

Andy threw the pillow on the ground and sat up straight. ''Okay, you've got to promise me you won't tell anyone. I really don't want everybody to know about this just yet, okay?''

''Spill,'' Traci said as she nodded.

''Okay,'' Andy agreed. She quickly downed her drink for a little more liquid courage and took a deep breath. ''Sam and I are kind of seeing if maybe we can work things out.''

''Oh my god Andy,'' Traci said as her mouth felt open. ''When did that happen?''

Andy was a little concerned for Traci's opinion on the matter. She knew that Traci wanted her to be happy, but she and Sam had a lot of history. The last time they were together didn't end that well for either of them.

''Like two weeks ago, or something?'' Andy bit her bottom lip and glanced at her friend. ''We had a long talk. I really missed him Trace. I needed to see if we could try again.''

''Why are you acting like it's a bad thing?'' Traci wondered. ''Every fool can see that the two of you have something together. I'm surprised it took you this long. I was actually beginning to give up.''

''You're rooting for us?" Andy questioned. Somehow she had expected Traci to tell her to be more responsible.

''I'm rooting for whatever makes you happy. And clearly he's doing a good job.'' Traci waggled her eyebrows and smiled wickedly. ''Still heavenly I assume?''

Andy groaned and let herself fall back again. It was her idea to take it slow and she definitely still thought that that was the way to go, but it was also a little _frustrating. _A part of her wanted nothing more than to take him to bed with her and show him just how much she really missed him. Something was stopping her though.

''We haven't really done anything yet,'' Andy admitted. ''We're taking things slow.''

''God Andy, this isn't still about what Marlo said right?'' Traci shook her head. ''The woman just got dumped, she was upset. Nobody thinks you're a whore. You're young and healthy, that's what you are.''

''It's not just that,'' Andy tried. ''I just want to be sure this time, you know?''

''Be sure of what?'' Traci questioned. ''You want to get married before you seal the deal? Because I need to inform you that you are a little too late for that. Swarek probably still remembers what you look like.

''Trace!'' Andy yelled. ''I just want to take things slow, okay?''

When Traci saw that Andy was serious she stopped teasing. ''Why?'' she genuinely wondered. ''It's not like it's new territory for either of you?''

''It's just..'' Andy looked at the ceiling. ''Last time we jumped into bed together right away. Look where that brought us. I don't want to turn to sex whenever things get hard. I want it to be real. I need it to be real this time.''

''You know he's crazy about you, right?'' Traci asked. ''I mean, I still think that the way he ended things with you last time was a coward thing to do, but he probably had his reasons. He's kind of hard to read sometimes, but I can see that he's still in love with you. You should have seen him when he realised you were undercover together with Nick. It was actually a little heartbreaking.''

Guilt washed over Andy. She still hadn't really forgiven herself for leaving. She knew she wouldn't take the undercover if she could go back in time. But she went and there was no changing that.

''I know,'' Andy softly said. ''I just want to wait.''

''And that's fine,'' Traci quickly added. ''Don't get me wrong. You shouldn't do anything you're not comfortable with. How does Swarek feel about all this?''

Andy shrugged. ''He said he's willing to move at whatever pace I feel comfortable with. Friday he cooked for me at his place. Afterwards we watched some TV and then I kissed him. We got a little carried away and I was just about to say: screw it. Then he stopped.''

''He's just trying to respect the rules you laid down for him,'' Traci reasoned.

''I know. It's not like I'm afraid he doesn't want me or anything. That has never been an issue between us.''

Both felt a little more sober after the honest talk they had. They talked some more and when it was time to go Andy said her goodbyes. It had felt good to talk to Traci. She had made Andy see that she was doing the right thing.

When the cold air hit Andy she grabbed her cell phone and dialled the familiar number.

''Everything okay?'' Sam's sleepy voice immediately asked.

Andy realised that it was already pretty late. ''God, so sorry,'' she said. ''Go back to sleep. I didn't realise what time it was.''

''You home?''

''No, I just left Traci's. I thought I'd call to see how your night was, but I forgot to check the time.'' Andy held her phone between her ear and her shoulder as she zipped up her coat. Summer was definitely over she thought to herself. During the day the weather could still be pleasant, but nights were getting colder by the week.

''You're walking?'' Sam asked. ''Nash couldn't take you home?''

Andy could hear that Sam was getting out of bed. ''We both drank a little too much.''

''Where are you? I'll come get you and drive you home. You shouldn't be walking around alone this late.''

''Sam, honestly. Before you're here, I'll be at home in bed already. I'm fine, okay?'' Andy knew Sam wouldn't be happy about it, but there really was no point in him driving her. ''How about this. I'll keep you on the phone until I'm home.''

''Okay,'' Sam reluctantly agreed. ''How was your night?''

''Good,'' Andy smiled. All of the sudden a feeling of happiness hit her. It felt so right to just hear Sam's voice after a night with her best friend. For so long all they exchanged were courtesy's or words about work. Now she could just call him whenever she wanted to.

''I told her about us,'' Andy informed Sam.

''I thought you didn't want that,'' Sam answered.

''Sorry,'' Andy quickly apologised. ''Like I said, we drank a little too much. She asked me why I looked so happy and I just told her.''

When Sam didn't answer right away Andy got a little nervous. ''Sorry,'' she said again.

''I don't care McNally,'' Sam simply responded. ''Like I said: We'll move at whatever pace you want. If you want people to know that's fine with me. I don't think we should have to hide from anyone. We're not doing anything wrong.'' Sam was silent for a second. ''So you were looking happy?"

Andy could practically hear the grin in his voice and couldn't help but smile too. ''Apparently I was.'' Andy turned around another corner and shivered a little. ''I am happy, you know?''

''I know,'' Sam answered. ''I'm glad you are. I am too.''

''How was your night?''

While Sam told her about his night Andy made her way home. They talked until she was tucked into bed. Sam's soft voice told her goodnight and it wasn't long before Andy's eyelids started to drop.

XX

The next day Andy was just exiting the locker room when she practically slammed into Nick. ''Hey,'' she quickly said. ''Sorry, didn't see you there.''

''It's been a while,'' Nick answered. ''But I checked the board and we're riding together again.''

Andy smiled. She really wanted Nick to be her friend. Still, the last few weeks she was relieved that they weren't partnered. She hoped that Nick realised he didn't have a chance with her now. That they could go back to where they were before. ''Good,'' she said. ''It has been a while.''

They sat next to each other during parade. After Best handed out assignments Nick handed Andy the keys and told her to drive. He got them coffee and soon they were on the road.

''How have you been?'' Nick asked.

''I've been good. Busy, picked up a few extra shifts last week.'' Andy took a sip of her coffee and focused on the road. ''You? Haven't seen you much at the station.''

''Had a few days off. I went to visit some old friends.'' Nick grabbed gum from his pocket and offered Andy one. She was still drinking her coffee so she shook her head. Soon dispatch called them to a crime scene. The rest of the day was filled with minor calls that kept them pretty busy.

When their shift ended Andy quickly parked the cruiser at the station. ''You want to grab dinner?'' Nick asked. ''We've spend the entire day together but we haven't really talked much.''

Andy had already made plans with Sam so she shook her head. ''I can't. I already have plans. Some other time maybe?''

''You going out with Traci?'' Nick wondered.

Andy swallowed and shook her head. She knew Nick would find out sooner or later. He deserved to hear the truth from her. Andy opened the door and got out of the car. When Nick followed her example she looked at him. ''I made plans with Sam,'' she said.

Nick snorted. ''Why?'' he asked.

By the look on his face Andy knew that Nick had a pretty good guess. ''We're trying,'' Andy softly said. She looked at the ground and then moved her eyes up to meet Nick's gaze. ''We're trying to make things work between us.''

Nick just kept staring at her, but didn't say anything. ''Nick?'' Andy asked. ''Say something?''

''What do you want me to say Andy?'' Nick calmly questioned. ''The guy broke your heart. I was there for you when he wasn't. When we got back you were heartbroken again because he was dating Marlo. Again, I was there for you.''

Andy winced when Nick pointed out what happened in the year before. She knew he had a point, but all of that didn't matter. She had made mistakes too and she wanted to start with a clean slate. No more keeping score.

''I was there for you through everything and yet you're not willing to let me show you how good we can be together.'' Nick pointed at the barn and raised his voice a little. ''But you are willing to give him another chance? He broke your heart Andy.''

''I broke his too,'' Andy quietly said. ''It doesn't matter. I am sorry Nick, but I can't change how I feel.''

''I'm not going to sit around and wait for you Andy. When you realise that Swarek isn't going to change, I'm not going to be here so you have a shoulder to cry on.''

''That won't happen.'' Andy was surprised by how convinced she was about that particular fact. ''I don't expect you to wait around. I want you to be happy, but that isn't going to be with me. I already told you that.''

They stood together, just staring at each other for a few moments. Then all of the sudden Nick turned his gaze away and he shook his head. ''I never stood a chance, did I?'' he wondered. ''It was always going to be him.''

Andy nodded. She felt wetness on her cheek before she realised she was crying. ''I never meant for you to get sucked into all this. I'm so sorry.''

''I know,'' Nick softly said. He swallowed and looked at the sky. ''It's going to take some time. I will ask Frank to not partner us for a while. That's probably for the best.''

''Nick,'' Andy tried. ''We can still be friends, right? We have been friends for all this time. Why does that have to change when I'm with Sam?''

''I don't just want to be your friend Andy,'' Nick argued. ''I don't understand why you're going back to him after everything he has done to you. You've been telling me you're over him.''

''I wanted to be,'' Andy reasoned. ''I thought I was. I was wrong.''

''You love him.'' All Andy could do was nod. Another tear fell when she saw the look on Nick's face. She never was out to hurt him. That was one of the last things she wanted to do. ''I hope he realises what he's got this time.'' Nick took a step forward and pressed a kiss to Andy's forehead. ''Take care of yourself Andy.''

''Nick,'' Andy begged. ''Why do I have to chose?''

''Is it really a decision?'' Nick asked. When Andy shook her head he knew enough. ''I need some time Andy. Just give me that. It's best if we just take some time apart from each other.''

Andy watched him walk away. She felt her heart breaking a little. But she also realised that it was nothing compared to the pain of watching Sam walk away. She did the right thing.

XX

Sam knew that something was up with Andy from the moment she got into his truck. He didn't want to force her into talking, but he was concerned when he realised that she looked like she had been crying. ''How was your day?'' he settled for.

''Long,'' was Andy's short answer. She leaned her head against the side of the truck and closed her eyes as Sam started the engine. She could feel Sam's eyes on her, but she couldn't make herself smile at him.

''I was thinking that little Italian place you like for dinner?'' Sam asked.

Andy shook her head. ''Can we just order in? I don't feel like going out.''

''Are you okay?''Sam finally asked the million dollar question. ''Is anything up?'' By the way she was treating him Sam had a few scenarios going through his mind. The one that he feared most was her telling him that this was all a mistake and that she couldn't be with him after all.

Andy shook her head and closed her eyes again. The rest of the ride was silent as well. Andy kept playing her conversation with Nick over and over in her head. Sam kept wondering what was wrong with Andy.

When they walked inside Andy's apartment she told Sam she was going to shower. He asked her what she wanted for dinner, but she told him it was his pick. She wasn't hungry anyway.

Half an hour later Andy came out of her bathroom. Her hair was wet and she was wearing a tanktop with sweats. ''I have to tell you something,'' Andy said.

''I already got that idea, yeah,'' Sam nervously replied. He sat down on one end of the couch as Andy sat down on the other. Andy was facing him and had her legs folded underneath her.

''You're not going to like it,'' Andy warned. ''And maybe you don't need to know. But I need you to know. Because I need to get this off my chest.''

Sam nodded at her, willing her to just tell the story she needed to tell so badly.

''I told Nick about us,'' Andy started.

Sam wondered why that would get her so upset, but he decided to not ask any questions before she was finished.

''Nick and I..'' Andy took a deep breath and continued. ''When we were undercover we got close.''

Sam didn't like where things were going, but decided to keep listening until Andy was finished.

''He was always there for me. He had my back and I had his.'' Andy sniffed and played with a string on her couch. ''When we got back I felt so disconnected to this place. I didn't know who I was anymore.''

''That's not uncommon,'' Sam tried to bring some comfort. ''You were trying to be someone else for six months. It's hard come back from that and pick up where you left off.''

''I was so tired,'' Andy continued. ''I felt drained. Physically and emotionally. And every time I needed someone Nick was there.'' Andy swallowed and got to the uncomfortable part of the story. ''Then one night everything became too much. It was the night after Marlo shot that woman.''

Sam nodded, showing her that he remembered that night too. How could he not. That part of the job was something that never got easy for him.

''I saw the two of you and I..'' Andy shrugged and looked at Sam. ''I was jealous. And I was sad because of the day we had. So I went to the Penny and I started drinking. All of the sudden Nick was there, insisting that I had enough. So he took me home.''

Sam closed his eyes. He knew he had no right to judge. He had no right to judge what she did when he was with Marlo. He couldn't get mad at her for sleeping with someone while he was doing the same thing. Still, he didn't like it. ''You two slept together,'' Sam filled in.

Andy nodded and quickly whipped away a tear. ''After that night he told me that he had feelings for me. That he started to look at me differently and he wanted a chance to make things work.''

''I saw the two of you,'' Sam said. ''You told me that nothing was going on.''

''Can I finish?'' Andy softly said. ''I'll get to that part. I just need to tell you this so you'll understand.'' When Sam nodded Andy picked up where she left the story. ''He told me he wanted to take me out. Show me that we could be good together. At first I figured: why not. We were close and I care about him.''

''But then I thought about it and it just didn't seem fair to give him a chance when my heart wasn't in it. At first he understood, told me he didn't blame me for that night. He told me that he should have stopped me because I was so drunk.''

''He took advantage of you?'' Sam asked, his voice filled with anger.

''It wasn't like that,'' Andy defended Nick. ''It really wasn't. Anyway, he told me he understood, but he did keep hinting for the two of us to get together. The night you saw us he dared me to kiss him. If I didn't feel anything he would stop.''

''And?'' Sam wondered.

''I'm here, right? I didn't feel anything. I always just wanted to be his friend. Again, he told me no hard feelings. After that we didn't talk for a while. We had different partners and he wasn't always working when I was. Today we did work together and I figured he owed to hear about us from me.''

''What did he say?" Sam asked.

Andy sniffed again and shook her head. ''He told me he needed some time apart from me. He told me that he couldn't understand why I never gave him a chance while I'm willing to give you a second chance. ''

''Andy,'' Sam softly said. He scooted closer and gathered her in his arms. Andy softly sobbed into Sam's shoulder and let the tears she had been fighting all night fall. He quickly pressed a kiss to the top of her head and stroked her back. ''He'll turn around.''

As much as Sam didn't like the thought of Nick anywhere near Andy after what happened between them, he knew he was important to her.

''He told me he would request a different partner.'' Andy pressed her face into Sam's neck and hid there. ''Why do I always screw everything up?''

''You didn't plan this Andy,'' Sam defended her. ''You weren't out to hurt him.''

''But I did.''

Sam didn't have any other words to console Andy so he just held her. ''It will be okay,'' he promised once again. After a while Andy's breath became more even. She wasn't asleep, but she was calming down. ''Are you sure this is what you want?'' Sam questioned. ''If this is hurting you so much..''

''Don't,'' Andy warned. ''Don't question this. I want this. It hurts, but not being with you hurt a lot worse.''

''Okay,'' Sam told her. He gently cupped her cheek and leaned in. He moved slowly so Andy had all the time in the world to back out, but she never did. Their lips met in a soothing kiss.

When they broke apart Andy gave Sam a sad smile. ''Will you stay the night?''

Sam shifted a little. There was nothing he wanted more, but he figured that she wasn't asking for the right reasons.

Andy noticed his hesitation. ''Just to sleep,'' she quickly added. ''I just don't want to be alone tonight. Want to sleep with you next to me.''

''Okay,'' Sam agreed. '"Whatever you need.''

XX

**Long chapter, but I didn't know where to break it off.  
I seem to be having that problem more often. **

**If you have an opinion, please review! I love them and learn a lot from them!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Another chapter! Enjoy!**

**XX**

Andy woke up with her head on Sam's chest. When they had gotten into bed Sam had tried to be a perfect gentleman and kept his distance. But there was a reason why she wanted him to stay over, it was so she could fall asleep in his arms again.

After he had finally gotten the hint Sam had put his arm around Andy and linked their fingers together.

Andy looked at the man lying next to her. He really was beautiful. He probably wouldn't appreciate it if she would say that out loud though. Sam didn't like compliments and the word beautiful wasn't one that fitted him exactly. It probably wasn't manly enough for him.

He was beautiful though.

Slowly Andy moved up her body a little. She kept her gaze on Sam and smiled when she heard him snore softly. She had missed him a ridiculous amount and even though the conversation she had with Nick was still playing in her mind, she felt so content to be with him again.

Deciding that she should probably get her day started Andy slowly moved out of the bed. She moved to her bathroom and stepped into the shower. After her conversation with Nick the night before she didn't feel like showering at the station. After her talk with Sam after that she felt too drained to go shower.

Right now she could really use that shower. She washed away all the tears she had shed. She knew she had herself to blame for the situation she was in, that didn't make it any easier though.

She quickly shampooed her hair and soaped up her body. She didn't want to leave the warm and comfortable shower when she was done. So she stayed under the spray of hot water.

When she heard Sam clear his throat Andy opened the shower door. She peeked her head outside and smiled at the sight in front of her. Sam looked adorable with bed hair and only his boxers on. ''Mind if I hop in after you?'' he asked.

''You can join,'' Andy shyly said. It was ridiculous to be shy around him. This man had seen every part of her body countless of times. She had shared a few of her most intimate moments with him. Still, it felt different now. Just a few weeks before she never expected to share moments like this with him ever again.

''Sure?'' Sam asked.

A smile spread on Andy's lips as she nodded. She opened the shower door a little further and made room for Sam. As soon as he was under the water with her his mouth found hers. Her lips parted and Sam took that opportunity to slip his tongue inside her mouth.

A soft moan escaped Andy as she slipped her arms around Sam's waist. She wanted to take things slow, but with him so close to her she had a hard time remembering why she wanted that.

The situation was getting to Sam as well. The evidence of that was very obvious.

Sam was the one that broke the kiss. He nudged her nose with his and took a small step back. ''You okay?'' he wondered. ''How did you sleep?''

''Better than I have slept in a while,'' Andy admitted. ''I missed you.''

''Know the feeling,'' Sam agreed. He didn't realise just how tired he was until he was in bed with Andy. As soon as Andy was asleep he drifted off too. It had been a while since he had slept an entire night without waking up a few times.

''I was just about to get out of here,'' Andy said. ''I was in here for a while.''

Sam kissed a sensitive spot on her neck and nibbled on her skin there. ''Stay?'' he asked. ''Just for a few moments.''

Andy couldn't even move with the way Sam was roaming his hands over her body. All she could do was nod and take in all the feelings that Sam was giving her. She grabbed Sam's hair and kissed him fiercely. Both of them lost control for a moment. Their hands were all over each other while they were both fighting for dominance. ''God I missed you,'' she whispered when they broke apart again.

Sam was panting and put a hand on the shower tiles to steady himself.

A part of Andy was screaming that taking it slow could be thrown out of the window. Another part of her was screaming that she didn't want to make the same mistakes they did the first time around.

Sam probably sensed her inner debate, because he met her lips one more time in a soothing kiss. ''It's okay,'' he promised. ''I get it.''

Andy bit her bottom lip and nodded. She knew that Sam would never want to do anything that she wouldn't feel comfortable with. And she had made it clear that she wanted to take things slow, but it still felt like she was being a tease.

''Seriously,'' Sam said. ''Don't over think it, okay?'' He rubbed a hand up and down Andy's arm. ''Why don't you get dressed? I'll be out in a minute.''

XX

When Andy walked into the parade room her eyes immediately found Nick's form. He was sitting in front of the room, with his back towards her.

All the happiness she felt that morning slipped away for a moment. She knew that Nick needed some space, but all she wanted to do was shake him until he would talk to her. It had only been a day since their conversation, but she had missed her friend for weeks now.

When Frank brushed past her Andy snapped out of it and quickly sat down next to Oliver. She listened as Frank handed out assignments. She sighed when she found out that she was on desk. Nick was partnered with Chloe and Andy took that as a sign that he followed through on his words and requested a different partner.

With a sigh Andy headed towards the coffee station. She definitely needed some coffee if she was going to get through another day of desk duty.

While Andy was taking calls and going through reports she saw Sam move around the station in a hurry. He ran into Frank's office and came out only a minute after he went in.

The look on his face really concerned Andy and she quickly stood up. She followed Sam into the equipment room and frowned when she saw him putting his gun away. ''What's going on?'' she asked.

''I took the rest of the day,'' Sam absently answered. ''I need to go,'' he said without really looking at her.

''Sam?'' Andy followed him. ''What's going on.''

Sam stopped walking for a moment and rubbed a hand across his face. ''Not now okay? I'm in a hurry right now and I don't have time to explain this to you.''

A confused look crossed Andy's face. She knew that things wouldn't magically change, but she didn't expect this either. It was like Sam didn't even see her. She felt hurt and didn't even register the fact that Traci was standing next to her.

She watched as Sam took off and exited the barn. ''What's going on with him?'' Traci wondered. ''We were going over our notes. I went to get some coffee and when I came back he was gone.''

''I have no idea,'' Andy admitted. ''He wouldn't talk to me.''

Traci sensed her best friends tone and quickly squeezed her shoulder. ''I'm sure he'll tell you when he's ready,'' Traci tried. ''He seems so happy since you two worked things out.''

''Well clearly not much is worked out yet,'' Andy disappointedly said. ''He can't even take a minute to tell me what's going on when something is clearly bothering him. What has changed?''

''Let's not get ahead of yourself, okay?'' Traci suggested. ''Maybe he'll be back in an hour with a perfectly good explanation. Don't jump to conclusions when you have no idea what's going on.''

Not totally convinced about that Andy shrugged her shoulders. ''We'll see,'' she said.

XX

Sam didn't explain himself an hour later. In fact, Andy didn't even see him at the station for the rest of the day. She tried calling him, but he didn't answer his phone.

Defeated she went home alone that night. She and Sam didn't exactly have plans, but she didn't think she would be going home alone either.

When she reached her condo she decided to give Sam's cell one more try. The phone rang three times before it went to voicemail. Andy knew that was probably a sign that Sam pressed the ignore button on his cell. He did that the weeks following Jerry's death too.

She felt her eyes fill with tears and she angrily threw her phone across the room. She really hated herself for believing him when he said that he would talk to her whenever something was up. A little over a week later he was already breaking his promise to her.

A few hours later Andy woke up when she heard knocks on the door. She glanced at the clock on her DVD player and realised that she fell asleep on her couch. It was two AM. Andy quickly ran her hand over her face and walked to her kitchen to splash some water on her face.

She then walked to the door and looked through the peephole. When she saw Sam on the other side of the door she sighed and shook her head. She wanted to tell him that he could go to hell. She didn't want to be the one to give up though. And maybe he really did have a good reason for leaving without a word of explanation, so she opened the door, but didn't let him in immediately.

''I'm sorry,'' were the first words out of Sam's mouth. ''I should have called sooner. Tell you what was going on while we were at the station. Will you please let me explain it to you right now?''

Andy eyed Sam. He looked sorry. He looked like crap actually. Andy decided that she wanted to know what he had to say, so she opened her door and let him in.

Sam sensed her anger so he didn't even try to give her a kiss. He just walked past her and headed towards her living room. When she joined him he was sitting on her couch with his head in his hands.

''You wanted to talk,'' Andy said, keeping her tone flat.

Sam coughed and looked up at Andy. ''I went to St. Catherine's today,'' he admitted.

''Your sister?'' Andy guessed. Sam never really talked about his sister, but Andy had remembered the story he told her three years ago when they were on their way back from Sudbury.

Sam nodded. ''You remember what I told you about her?'' he asked. He already knew the answer to that. Of course Andy had remembered the most personal thing he had shared with her. At that time they weren't even together but he had felt safe enough to let his guard down for just a moment.

''Of course,'' Andy confirmed. She felt her anger slipping away when she noticed Sam's expression. When she heard the subject he wanted to talk about she immediately knew he had a good reason to leave that day.

''She's not doing so good,'' Sam said. ''She has never really recovered from our childhood or what happened to her. She was doing better for a while, she really was. The night you came to my house with your ankle sprained I had been there for the entire day. She cut her wrists that day, tried to kill herself.''

''Sam,'' Andy whispered. She didn't know what she expected from this story, but she definitely wasn't expecting that. ''You don't have to tell me this right now.''

''I do,'' Sam disagreed. ''I promised you that I would make an effort with letting you in. I promised you that I would talk to you so here I am. I'm trying. It's not always going to be easy, but I want to try.''

A sad smile formed on Andy's lips. She gave Sam a small nod as an encouragement for him to continue.

''It wasn't the first time,'' Sam went on. He didn't look at Andy, but focused on a spot on the floor. ''She overdosed one time. She cuts herself more often, but normally not with the intend to kill herself. Thank God her neighbor always checks in on her, if it wasn't for her she would be gone.''

''She needed you today?'' Andy guessed.

Sam nodded and took a deep breath. ''After that day she finally agreed to get some more drastic help. I took her to a clinic where she gets therapy. It's a new form of therapy that can be effective for traumatised people.''

''Does she benefit from it?'' Andy wondered.

''Too soon to tell,'' Sam answered. He ran his hand across his face and took in a deep breath. ''She did have some sort of break through though. I don't see how it is a break through considering the fact that she spent the entire day crying hysterically, but apparently it's part of the healing process.''

Andy swallowed. She wasn't used to seeing Sam so vulnerable. ''Did she call you? Ask you to come?''

''No,'' Sam answered. ''She never wants me to come whenever she is going through something. She always feels like a burden even though I've told her over and over again that it's my job. I just can't seem to get through to her.''

''I'm sure you did everything you could,'' Andy promised. ''I can't even imagine how hard it must be for both of you.''

''She's a mess,'' Sam admitted. ''I always thought that maybe one day she would get better. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe this will always be her.''

There were no words that would take away Sam's pain. Andy knew that and she didn't want to burden him with stupid cliché's. She wanted to do something though. She wanted to help. ''It will always be a part of her. That doesn't mean it will never get better.'' Andy stood up and sat down next to Sam. She put her arms around him and waited until he accepted her hug.

It took him a second but eventually Sam returned the gesture. He gripped her a little tighter than she was used to, but Andy didn't care. She wanted to help anyway she could. She wanted to lift some of the weight that he was carrying around.

''I'm sorry for doubting you,'' Andy whispered. She had convinced herself that this was it again. Right now she felt so guilty about that.

''I never told you anything. You couldn't have known,'' Sam comforted her.

Andy squeezed his hand and smiled sadly. ''I know now. I'm glad you told me this.''

''You asked me why I used to run off some mornings. She is the reason,'' Sam explained. ''I sometimes drive to St. Catherine's before work. Sometimes just to be there for 10 minutes before I go to work. See how she's holding up. If she needs anything.''

''Sam,'' Andy said. ''That's like a two hour drive?''

Sam shook his head. ''No I can do it a lot quicker. Especially early in the morning. No traffic or anything. I'm usually there within an hour. Besides, it's worth it. She is the only family I have. She needs me.''

''I get that,'' Andy promised. ''I really do, but you have to think about yourself too. You are no help to Sarah if you are running around on three hours of sleep.''

''That's nothing I can't handle.'' Sam brushed Andy's hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. ''I really am sorry that I left you standing like that this morning. Just two weeks in and I'm already breaking my promises again.''

''It's okay.'' Andy gripped Sam's hand and laced their fingers together. ''I can understand that you had other things on your mind. And you told me now, that's headway, right?''

Sam smiled and lifted their linked hands to press a kiss to Andy's. ''I guess it is.'' He looked at her for a moment and then stood up. ''I should go home. Let you get back to your sleep.''

''Why don't you just stay?'' Andy wondered. ''Unless you want to go home. You don't have to stay for me, but I like having you here.''

''Sure?'' Sam asked. ''I don't mind heading back.'' Truth was that Sam was exhausted and secretly hoped that Andy would let him stay the night. He didn't want to be presumptuous though. He didn't want Andy to feel pressured to let him stay. He knew she let him stay the night before because she was upset.

''Stay,'' Andy told him. ''You look tired. Besides, we both have tomorrow off. We'll sleep in and I'll make you breakfast.''

''Okay.'' Sam took Andy's hand and pulled her up too. Together they walked towards her bedroom. They were both too exhausted to even brush their teeth. So when they were out of their clothes they crawled into bed and cuddled up together.

It wasn't long before sleep overtook both of them.

XX

**A/N: Short chapter, I know!  
The next chapter will be longer again.**

**Let me know what you think! Reviews are highly appreciated. **


	11. Chapter 11

**For those of you who saw the update and were confused, I accidentally updated this story with the last chapter of 'miracle'. Thanks for the people who send me a message letting me know I updated the wrong thing. **

**Sorry for the mix up, but this is the right chapter!**

**XX**

Andy took a sip of her coffee and looked at her father. ''You look really good,'' she told him. ''That trip was good for you, wasn't it?'' They were in Tommy's kitchen. Andy was sitting at the counter with Tommy standing next to her.

Tommy nodded and cut a piece of cake for Andy. He handed her the small plate. ''It was nice to be away for a few weeks,'' he answered. ''I felt bad for leaving you when you just got back though.''

''That's okay dad,'' Andy promised. ''You didn't know when I would get back. Neither did I. At least you were there on the night I got home. I really missed you.''

''I missed you too sweetheart.'' Tommy gave Andy a small smile and took a bite of his cake. ''How's work going?'' he asked. ''Who are you partnered with now?''

''Don't really have a steady partner,'' Andy admitted. The smile fell off her face and she looked at the floor. ''Just riding with everybody for a while.''

Tommy hadn't always been a perfect father, but he knew when something was wrong with his little girl. ''What's wrong Andy?'' he asked. ''Did something happen at work?'' He knew all about the horrible things that could happen in his daughter's line of work.

''No. It's nothing. I'm fine,'' Andy rambled. The last thing she wanted was for her father to know more about her disastrous love life. It was already bad enough when she had to explain to him why her wedding was off. Or when she had to tell him about her suspension after sleeping with a senior officer. Her argument with Nick wasn't something her father needed to know about.

She wanted nothing more than for her father to be proud of her. Somehow she felt like her actions weren't exactly worthy of that feeling. Leaving him behind for six months wasn't something she was proud of either. He didn't have a lot of people. And she just took off without telling him.

''You know you can tell me anything, right?'' Tommy asked. His eyes found hers and the love she found there made her want to crawl into him like she was four years old again.

Andy slowly nodded and gripped her coffee cup a little tighter. ''I just made some mistakes,'' she admitted. ''But everything will be okay. I'm happy, I promise.''

For a moment Tommy looked like he didn't believe her, but then he gave her a small smile. ''You know you can always come and find me, right? Whatever you need.''

''I know dad,'' Andy said. ''You've been really great and supportive.'' Andy nervously looked around and took a deep breath. ''There actually is something that I want to talk to you about.''

Andy waited for a moment, but when Tommy just looked at her she continued. ''I'm seeing Sam again,'' she said. When Tommy opened his mouth she put her hand up to silence him. ''I know what you want to say, but it's really different this time.''

''Andy,'' Tommy said as he shook his head. ''Do you remember what he did to you? He sent you straight into that undercover operation.''

''That's not true,'' Andy protested. ''I made the decision to go.''

A stare off followed for a few seconds. Andy was the one to turn her gaze away at first. She let out a deep breath. ''Dad, I'm happy with him. He makes me happy.''

''He broke your heart,'' Tommy argued. ''You spent a night on my couch crying your eyes out. You were out of it for weeks. And then you disappeared.''

''His best friend died,'' Andy defended Sam's actions. ''He was mourning and things were just messed up.''

''You think nothing bad will ever happen again?'' Tommy asked calmly. ''What if something else happens and he'll pull the same stunt?''

''He won't,'' Andy answered, surprised with how much she believed what she was saying. ''I know you're not his biggest fan at the moment, but can you please trust me on this one? I love him dad. I really do. And he loves me too.''

''He's got a funny way of showing that.'' Tommy folded his arms in front of his chest. He threw his coffee in the sink and frowned. ''He's a grown up Andy. He can't just run away whenever things get hard.''

Andy closed her eyes for a few seconds. ''Dad.. I get where you're coming from, I do. I know you just want to protect me, but it's not going to change my mind.''

Tommy was silent for another minute and then stepped away from the counter. ''I know I haven't been a perfect father. I know I don't get a say in this.''

''Your opinion matters,'' Andy interrupted him. ''It won't change anything, but I really want you two to get along.''

All Tommy did was nod. He gave Andy a serious look and turned his gaze away after a few seconds. ''You tell him that I still know how my gun works, for if he ever tries to hurt you again.''

''He won't,'' Andy said. ''We talked about things and we're taking things slow. Both of us really want to make things work this time.''

Tommy took a step forward again and placed both of his hands on Andy's shoulders. ''Are you really happy?'' he asked as he bended his knees a little so he could look her in the eye.

Andy smiled and gave a small nod. ''I am.''

''Then I guess I'll have you two over for dinner sometime soon.''

XX

''So, you and Swarek doing it again?'' Gail asked bluntly as she and Andy were cruising the streets. ''He looks happy.''

Andy nearly spit the sip of coffee she just took out again. She turned around in her seat and looked at Gail. Gail didn't look in her direction though. She was chewing her gum and looked bored. ''I'm sorry?'' Andy said. ''What makes you think that?''

''Come on,'' Gail laughed. ''The two of you keep giving each other long stares. And Nick is shooting daggers at him all the time. Doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure a few things out.''

Andy bit her bottom lip and looked out of the window. ''That obvious, huh?'' she softly asked.

''Kinda,'' Gail answered. Her tone softened a little. ''Didn't I warn you this would happen?''

Immediately Andy closed her eyes. Because it was the truth. Gail had warned her that Nick would get hurt. ''I know,'' she said. ''I thought you were wrong, but it turns out that you were right.''

''Of course I was,'' Gail said. ''Why do you sound so surprised about that?''

''I really messed up, haven't I?'' Andy asked. ''I dragged him into all of this and now he can't even look me in the eye.''

Gail shrugged and stopped for a red light. ''He's to blame as well. He can deny it all he wants, but he knew you still had feelings for Swarek. He was just arrogant enough to believe that he could make those feelings disappear.''

Things stayed quiet in the cruiser until the light turned green again. ''I thought he could too,'' Andy admitted. ''But I guess I was wrong.''

''He'll get over it,'' Gail promised. ''I mean, he got over me, right?''

Andy laughed and shook her head. ''You really have no issues with your self confidence, do you?''

''Why would I?'' Gail wondered. ''I've got a good job, I've got a nice girlfriend. Things are good.''

''How is Holly doing?'' Andy asked. She felt bad for being so self-absorbed in her own little world. Over the last few weeks she had spent little time with Gail. Most of her free time went to Sam or Traci.

At the mention of Holly's name Gail smiled. ''She's good. All though I'm bringing her to my parents next week, so let's see if she'll stick around after that.''

''Have you told your parents about her yet?''

''I told my mom that I was seeing someone. She grilled me on what kind of job he had, what kind of family he was from.. I gently informed her that he is actually a she.''

''How did she take it?'' Andy asked. She knew that Elaine Peck wasn't the easiest person in the world. She could only imagine how hard it must have been for Gail to come out to her mother.

''Surprisingly well,'' Gail answered. ''Of course it helped that I told her that she has a good job and that her father had a high rank in the military.''

''I'm sure that helped,'' Andy agreed. ''She never was very fond of Chris or Nick, was she?''

A chuckle escaped Gail's mouth as she shook her head. ''Not really, no.'' Gail took her coffee cup and took a long sip. ''You told your dad about Sam yet?''

''I did,'' Andy told her. ''Went over to his house yesterday. He wasn't too happy, but I think he'll be civil when he sees him. At least I hope so. He always respected him a lot, but he's not too happy with him now.''

''He's your dad. He's supposed to dislike the people that you sleep with.''

''Well, then I guess he should love Sam.'' The words were out of her mouth before she even realised it. Their sex life wasn't really anyone's business, but Andy couldn't really help but feel a little frustrated because of the lack of it.

Of course, the whole thing was her idea to begin with. But it had been a few weeks and she was sort of done with it. Especially since they had slept in the same bed again. Andy often found herself daydreaming about how good it would be to just give into temptation.

Gail laughed out loud and looked at Andy. ''No way?'' she asked. ''You guys haven't done it yet?''

Andy groaned and closed her eyes. ''It was my idea, okay? I had this stupid idea where I thought that we should wait until we worked some stuff out.''

''Swarek must have been happy about that.'' Gail laughed again and shook her head. ''And since when are you a fan of celibacy?''

''Believe me, I'm not a fan.'' Andy shook her head. At first the whole not sleeping together thing seemed like a good idea, but it got old soon. She was more than ready to throw the whole idea out of the window.

''So what are you waiting for?'' Gail asked. ''It's not like it's unfamiliar territory.''

Since she already told Gail this much, Andy figured she could use some advice. While normally Traci was the one she turned to for advice, on this subject Gail might actually have the upper hand. ''It's just.. I told him that I wanted to wait. So every time anything happens, he backs off. I mean, it's really sweet that he's being so respectful, but he doesn't take the hint that I'm done with waiting.''

''He's a guy,'' Gail argued. ''If you give him a hint you have to make sure it's clear as day.''

''How do I do that?'' Andy asked.

''You could just tell him,'' Gail said. ''He's a guy. He'll probably be in the bedroom before you finish your sentence. Stop making everything so difficult. It's just sex. It's supposed to be fun.''

Andy sighed and turned to look out of the window. She knew she could just tell Sam that she was done waiting, but the romantic inside of her wanted him to just make the first move. But she knew Sam well enough to know that he wouldn't make that move unless he was 100% sure that she was more than ready.

''Okay,'' Gail said after a moment. ''Just make it clear to him that you are ready. Buy some sexy lingerie and show it off to him. He's a guy, but he isn't an idiot. He'll take the hint.''

Before Andy could respond the radio cracked to life. Dispatch informed them that someone found a body in the park. They were close to the location so Andy flicked on the sirens while Gail picked up some speed.

The rest of the day was filled with research and paperwork. Before Andy knew it she was walking towards her apartment. When she walked by a lingerie store she stopped for a second.

Normally she wasn't really the type for sexy lingerie. Her underwear drawer was mostly filled with simple and functional underwear. Sam never really seemed to mind, so Andy doubted that this was the way to go.

Gail was right though, Sam was a guy and he probably needed more than little hints to get what she was after. Part of her thought that she should just tell him that she was done waiting, but another part of her really wanted things to just happen.

They had already talked so much over the last few weeks. And she really was happy about that. She wanted to get to know every aspect of Sam and was so glad that he was opening up.

Talking made things difficult though and sex was the only aspect of them that had always been simple. Ever since the first night they spent together that was the thing that they shared together without holding back.

She really didn't want to complicate sex as well.

After doubting for another few moments Andy opened the door to the store and stepped in. She looked around for a while when a sales manager asked her if she could help her.

''Just looking,'' Andy answered. ''Not sure what I want yet.''

''Anything I can help you with?'' the young lady asked her.

''No thank you. I just want to look around.'' Andy continued to look through the store. After a while her eye landed on a black lace teddy. It was simple, but had a low neckline making the thing just a little bit more sexy.

She knew she would be a lot more comfortable in that than wearing some pink babydoll. That just wasn't her. Sam always preferred black on her as well.

Ten minutes later Andy walked out of the store with a bag in her hand. A small smile played on her face as she thought about what tonight would bring her.

It was ridiculous to be nervous, but she couldn't help but feel a few flutters in her stomach. It had been almost a year since the break up. She had missed Sam as her friend, as her mentor, but she would lie if she would say she didn't miss the physical aspect of him as well.

When she reached her apartment she quickly checked her messages. Sam had left a message saying that he would be there within an hour. He had a few things to take care of before he was free to leave the barn.

Exactly fifty five minutes later there was a knock to her door. Andy quickly grabbed her coat and purse and then opened the door.

''Wow,'' Sam said when she opened the door. ''You look.. wow.''

She was wearing a black dress that reached the middle of her thighs. The dress showed off every curve of her body, but was classy at the same time. She wore her hair down and was wearing a simple silver necklace with stud earrings.

''Thanks,'' Andy said. She softly kissed Sam and ran her hand over the material of his shirt. ''You look really handsome. Should make you dress up more often.''

''Thought it was my idea to go to that restaurant,'' Sam argued. ''I was fully aware what wardrobe that would ask for.''

''You knew I wanted to go,'' Andy said.

''I might've seen you check the menu once or twice,'' Sam admitted.

''I would've been fine with something simple too, you know that right?'' Andy asked. ''I know this isn't really your kind of thing.''

''Hey, if you're wearing something like that you won't ever hear me complain. Besides, I like making you happy.''

A grin spread on Andy's face as she took his hand. They didn't let go until they reached the truck. Sam helped her in and then rounded the truck to get to the driver's side. He quickly jumped in too and drove towards their destination.

''Already know what you're having?'' Sam guessed.

''Have some ideas,'' Andy confirmed. ''The special's might change my mind though. And I already know that dessert will be the best part of the meal.''

''What is so good about that dessert?'' Sam wondered. He never really understood Andy's obsession with dessert. He didn't care too much for chocolate or other sugary things. Andy could eat an entire carton of ice cream though.

''Just wait and see,'' Andy said. ''Just so you know, we're ordering different things and we're splitting, because I can't make a decision.''

Sam looked at her for a second and nodded. ''Whatever you want McNally.''

XX

Three hours later they walked into Andy's apartment again. ''Best dinner ever, right?'' Andy asked when she threw her purse on the couch. ''I'm stuffed.''

''Was good,'' Sam agreed. ''Too bad I only had two bites of dessert.''

''Shut up,'' Andy said. ''I asked you if you wanted more, but you said that I could have it. You don't even like white chocolate anyway.''

Sam pulled on her arm until they were nose to nose. ''You're right,'' he said. ''Probably was distracted with all those noises you were making while eating it.''

Andy slapped his chest and quickly kissed his cheek. ''Love you for letting me have your piece though. Like I already predicted, it was the best dessert ever.''

''Glad you enjoyed it,'' Sam answered. He took a step closer to Andy and nudged her nose with his. Their lips met in a soft kiss. When the kiss deepened Sam put his hand on Andy's back pulling her even closer.

Andy drowned in the kiss for a moment. She ran her hand through Sam's hair and kissed him back with just as much passion as he was giving her.

When Sam broke the kiss he ran his hand over Andy's arm. ''How about a movie or something?''

Andy bit her bottom lip and nodded. ''How about you make yourself comfortable?'' she asked. ''I'll be back in a second.'' Without looking back she disappeared into her bedroom.

She grabbed the bag she had thrown on her bed hours before. Quickly she changed into the piece of clothing. She looked in the mirror and played with her hair for a moment.

After a while she decided that her hair probably looked best when it was down. She quickly pulled on the highest heels she owned. Even she had to admit that she looked okay. She took a deep breath and walked towards her door. She took the doorknob in her hand and then stepped outside.

''Where did you put your DVD's?'' Sam asked. ''They're not in your..'' Then he turned around and saw what Andy was wearing. His mouth hanged open and Andy could see him swallow.

''I thought maybe we should skip that movie?'' Andy asked. ''Unless you really want to watch of course?'' she tried to use her most seductive voice.

Sam shook his head and took a step forward. ''Not necessarily,'' he said. He walked towards her until he was just a few inches away. He put his hand on her neck and ran his thumb over her lips.

''You like it?'' Andy asked.

All Sam did was nod as he took her in. ''I definitely like it,'' he confirmed.

Andy had enough of the staring and slowly leaned in so he would kiss her. Sam got the hint and met her lips in the middle. He slowly ran his tongue over her bottom lip, asking for access.

She gladly gave him that access. When the need for air became too big after a while they broke apart, both breathing heavily. Andy began to unbutton Sam's shirt. She smiled at him and pushed the material off of him when all the buttons were undone.

''You sure?'' Sam asked.

''Absolutely,'' Andy softly answered. She attached her lips to his again. His hands found her rear and he slowly pushed her up. Andy got his intention and gladly wrapped her legs around his waist. ''Bedroom,'' she murmured when he didn't move.

Sam took the few steps it took to get to her bedroom. As soon as he felt the bed hit his knees he lowered Andy gently. She shifted on the bed a little until she was lying with her head on the pillows. It didn't take Sam long to join her there.

He moved his mouth to her neck and softly sucked on her pulse point. Andy let out a low moan and turned her head to give him more access.

Sam pushed himself up on his elbows and just hovered above her for a moment. ''Just so you know McNally,'' he said with a low voice. ''You can have my dessert anytime.''

''Shut up,'' Andy smiled as she pulled him back on top of her.

XX

''Wow,'' Andy repeated Sam's words from earlier that evening as she laid on her side facing him. ''This might've topped dessert.'' Their legs were entangled, just like their fingers. Their heartbeats were slowly beginning to return to normal.

''Agreed,'' Sam said. He kissed Andy's bare shoulder and rolled back on top of her. ''No regrets?''

''You were there, right?'' Andy questioned. ''Did it sound like I had any regrets?''

Sam grinned and shook his head. ''Not really.'' He kissed her one last time before rolling onto his back. He pulled her with him until she was sprawled out on his chest.

Andy sighed contently. ''I like this,'' she whispered.

''Me too.'' Sam traced patterns on her back with his right hand while his left hand was tangled in her hair. ''What made you change your mind?'' he wondered. ''Not that I'm complaining.''

''Didn't really change my mind,'' Andy argued. ''I said I needed some time and you gave me that.'' She replaced her head on Sam's chest so she could feel his heartbeat. ''Just didn't really know what I was waiting for anymore,'' she admitted. ''I mean, I feel safe with you. I love you. Don't want to waste anymore time.''

Sam kissed the top of her head. ''I love you.''

''I know.''

XX

**Thanks for your reviews and support! It means a lot!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I want to thank you all so much for your feedback. It means a lot and makes writing so much more fun!**

**I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter to this story.**

**XX**

Three months later things between Sam and Andy were going good. They had build a good routine where they would spend about four nights a week together, but also had moments for themselves. Andy spend most nights she didn't spend with Sam with her friends. Sam usually used those nights for poker night, drinks at the Penny or to visit Sarah.

Sarah had been discharged and was back at her house. Sam was convinced that she would never truly be stable, but for now she was doing good. He worried about her, but knew that she had to do it on her own. He couldn't monitor her 24 hours a day. Not even if he wanted too.

Fall was slowly turning into winter and the weather showed it. Days were getting colder and nights were definitely cold now too. Andy actually liked that because it gave her a nice excuse to cuddle close to Sam at night.

Sam always pretended to hate it, but secretly he liked having her close. Waking up with her next to him was definitely the best part of his day.

''We're not really getting anywhere with this,'' Traci complained as she handed Sam another file. ''There's hardly any new evidence.''

It was a slow day in the D's office, so they decided to look into some cold cases. They weren't really making any headway though. Every case seemed more impossible than the one before.

''Let's take a quick break,'' Sam suggested. ''I'll put these files back if you go get us some coffee.''

Traci stood up with a sigh. She really liked her job, but on days like these she preferred working the streets. She had been stuck in her office for too long. ''Sure,'' she agreed.

Sam slowly started to pack a few boxes. Putting evidence back where it belonged. He hated not being able to solve cases, because it meant that the offenders walked free. And if there was one thing that Sam hated more than anything it was just that.

Just two minutes later Traci came rushing back into the office. ''I have to go,'' she said as she grabbed her jacket. ''Best told me that you have to stay put.''

Sam stood up and looked confused. Most calls they would head out together. Especially if they had nothing better to do. ''Why?'' he wondered. ''What is it?''

Traci sighed and looked at him. ''Andy shot someone. SIU is requesting a detective from 15th to run over a few things.''

Sam didn't think twice, but just grabbed his car keys. ''I'm coming,'' he said.

''No, you're not,'' Traci argued. ''Best told me to keep you away from this. It doesn't look good if her boyfriend is the detective Sam. That could raise some eyebrows and she doesn't need that.''

Sam had to take a deep breath. It went against his nature to sit back when he knew that Andy probably needed him around. Traci was right though. It wouldn't look good if he was the first one on the scene. ''Go,'' he quickly said. ''Tell her I'll be here.''

Traci nodded and rushed off. Sam left the office too in search for Frank. When he spotted him he yelled out his name. ''What happened?'' he asked when he was next to his friend.

Frank stopped walking for a moment and looked at Sam. ''They were on a call. Domestic violence, one of the neighbors called it in. The guy lost it and pulled his gun. Shot Epstein twice in the vest.''

''So she had to do it,'' Sam reasoned. ''She'll be cleared in no time.''

''She'll be cleared,'' Frank confirmed. ''But you know how it works. SIU always keeps digging until they know everything they need to know. Which is why you need to keep your distance from this. If they want to they'll use it against her if you get involved.''

''I know,'' Sam reluctantly agreed. He knew that they didn't have the best record. Conduct unbecoming was still stamped on both their records and even though most people had forgotten all about it, SIU really did dig until they knew all there was to know.

Half an hour later Sam saw Epstein walking through the barn. Collins was right behind him. Sam knew that Andy wasn't far behind. After a shooting the officers responding were always separated. Sam felt slightly better knowing that Oliver was probably the one that was giving Andy a ride to the station. He knew that Andy was safe when she was with Oliver.

As soon as he spotted her through his window he stood up. By the time that he made it to her she was being led into an interrogation room.

''Sam, you know what Frank said,'' Oliver said as soon as he saw Sam coming towards him. ''You can take her home after she gives her statement.''

''I'm just going to go in for a second,'' Sam argued. ''To see if she's okay.''

''She just killed someone,'' Oliver reasoned. ''She's not okay. You know her. She needs to do this though and she needs to do it alone. Having you there will only complicate things for her later on.''

Sam knew that going in wouldn't be the smartest thing he could do. He needed to see her though. ''SIU isn't even here yet,'' Sam said. With that he stepped past Oliver and into the interrogation room.

Andy was sitting on one of the crappy plastic chairs. She was fidgeting with her hands and was staring into space. Slowly Sam walked towards her. When he placed a hand on her shoulder he actually felt her tense for a moment. He knew it wasn't personal, she was just too zoned out to register him walking in.

''You're okay,'' Sam promised. ''You did what you had to do.''

''He has kids,'' Andy immediately said. ''Had kids,'' she corrected herself. ''I killed a father.''

Sam sighed and rubbed his hand across his face. He grabbed the other chair and turned Andy a little so he was sitting right in front of her, their knees bumping together. ''Listen to me,'' he said as he grabbed her chin to make sure she was looking at him. ''He shot Epstein twice. If you wouldn't have grabbed your gun he could've shot a third time. He could've shot you.''

''What if I..'' Andy started.

''No doubts,'' Sam instructed. ''You did what you had to do. You did the right thing. You did the only thing you could do.''

For a small moment he saw Andy's bottom lip tremble. He could see her holding back a sob as she swallowed. ''I did,'' she agreed. ''I did what I had to do.''

A small knock on the door told Sam that he had to leave. ''I'm going to take you home when you're done, okay?''

''You don't have to,'' Andy simply said. ''I know they probably need a lot of detectives to work this case.''

''It's SIU's case now,'' Sam explained. ''Besides, you need me.''

''I'm fine.''

Sam didn't argue with that. They both knew better. She wasn't fine and she wasn't going to be fine anytime soon either. He simply stood up and gave her a quick peck on the lips. ''I'll be waiting for you.''

XX

Andy gave her statement and was told that she was on paid leave until she was officially cleared. Thankfully her statement matched Dov's completely, so it would probably be a week before she was cleared to go back to work. Of course she also had to visit the departments therapist.

That night the drive back to Sam's place was filled with silence. Sam knew that Andy was going over every little detail in her head. He wanted to make things better, but he didn't know how to do that. He didn't have any answers for her and he hated it.

When he parked the truck in front of the house he faced Andy. She was so out of it that she didn't even notice that they had reached their destination. Sam gently put his hand on her knee and gave it a small squeeze. ''Let's go inside.''

Andy slowly looked back at him and nodded just once.

As soon as he let them both in she walked towards the living room and sat down on the couch. Sam poured her a drink and put it in front of her. ''Here, it will help you warm up.''

''I'm not cold,'' Andy lied.

''You're shivering. Already turned the heating on too.''

They both fell silent again. Sam sat down next to her and slowly rubbed his hand up and down her back. ''It's okay,'' he said. ''You had no choice.''

''There's always a choice,'' Andy argued. ''Pull the trigger or don't pull the trigger.''

''Okay,'' Sam said, sensing that she needed to get this out of her system. ''And what would've happened if you wouldn't have pulled the trigger?''

Andy shrugged and looked at the floor. ''I don't know.'' When Sam didn't respond she looked at him. ''He would've fired again.'' She sniffed and quickly whipped a tear away. ''And maybe that time he wouldn't hit Dov in the vest.''

''So?'' Sam asked, needing her to say the words herself.

''I had no choice,'' Andy filled in. ''I did as I was trained to do. I did what I had to do.''

''You did.'' Sam wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. He gently kissed the top of her head and let her hide her face in his neck. ''That's what you said during your statement, right?'' he asked. He knew she was smart enough to know that she couldn't doubt herself during giving her statement.

''I did.'' Andy shifted a little so that her head was leaning against Sam's chest. ''How many times have you shot someone?'' she asked. She had wondered it before, but until now she never dared to ask that question. It wasn't something people liked to talk about and she completely got that.

''Four times,'' Sam answered. ''It's one of the hardest parts of the job, but sometimes it's the only right thing you can do. Self defence or to defend someone who's innocent.''

''Does it get easier?'' Andy questioned. She knew how messed up she was the first time she shot someone. She had been a complete wreck.

''Not for me.'' Sam leaned back a little so he could get more comfortable. He took Andy with him until they were sprawled out on the couch together. ''Taking someone's life is never suppose to be easy. It's not something that we should take lightly, but sometimes we have no other option. It's always supposed to be the last option though.''

Both were silent again. After a while Sam felt that his shirt was getting wet. That was the only sign of Andy's crying. She tried to hold it all in, but she was falling apart. Sam tightened his grip on her. ''Let it out,'' he said. ''It's okay.''

''It's not,'' Andy said, her voice now breaking. ''It's not okay.''

Sam didn't have any answers for her. Not that day. He knew that things would be different in the morning. Things were always different in the morning. For that moment he just let her cry while he held her close.

An hour later her breathing had evened out. She was asleep and while they hadn't even eaten yet, Sam decided to keep things that way. They could eat later or the next morning. All the sleep she would be able to get was getting a warm welcome from him.

Carefully he shifted and lifted her into his arms. He carried her towards the bedroom and gently lowered her to the bed when he reached it. He used his hand to brush the hair that had fallen in front of her face.

It was ridiculously early to go to bed, but he knew she would need him when she woke up. He knew that she didn't deal with things very well. Especially not on her own.

So he kicked off his boots, threw his clothes in the corner of the room and crawled into bed with her.

For about an hour he just watched her sleep. He knew the day exhausted her. Soon sleep overtook him too, but even unconscious his grip on her never got lighter. Every time she woke up in cold sweat he was there with his hands on her.

Every time she let out a sob he told her that he was there with her. He wasn't letting go, not ever.

XX

The next morning Andy woke before Sam. She felt bad knowing that she kept him up all night. She had woken up numerous of times. He was there for her every time and even though the circumstances were really sad, that brought a small smile to her face.

She had never experienced a love like Sam's. He didn't say the words very often, but she felt it every day. He showed it to her every day.

Somewhere during the night she had gotten out of her clothes. The clothes had an oppressive affect on her. But once again Sam had been there. He had put an arm on her back and when she told him that she wanted to feel something else than sadness he had obeyed her silent request.

He hadn't left an inch of her skin untouched. For just a while he had cleared her brain from the images that were burned into her head.

While Sam was still snoring lightly Andy observed him. She ran her fingers through his chest hair and softly kissed his cheek. When she felt his eyes flutter open she kissed his lips. ''Good morning,'' she whispered.

Sam hummed something in response and kissed her back. ''How are you feeling?'' he asked.

''I'm fine,'' Andy promised. When Sam raised an unimpressed eyebrow she smiled sadly. ''I'm really fine,'' she repeated. ''It sucks, but it happened and you were right. It was the only thing I could've done. If I wouldn't have done it than it would've been me or Dov.''

That image cost Sam to close his eyes. Just the thought of losing her made him lose his mind. He knew that her job was risky, he had done it for over a decade.

''What do you want to do today?'' he asked, shaking the awful thought away. ''I have a few days off too.''

Andy shrugged and sat up. The covers fell down and she shivered when her skin made contact with the cold air. ''I don't know.'' She reached over Sam to grab a sweatshirt that was on the table next to him. She quickly pulled it on and laid back down. ''Just wait until I get a phone call I guess.''

''That won't be today,'' Sam informed her.

''I know. A girl can hope, right?'' Andy sighed and looked at Sam. ''Did you have plans?'' She was supposed to be at work so she knew that Sam probably had other plans with his day. He wasn't one to just sit around and do nothing all day long.

''I was going to see Sarah,'' he said.

Andy nodded and threw the covers off herself. ''I'll just grab a shower, okay?''

''Hey,'' Sam stopped her. He grabbed her wrist lightly to pull her back into bed with him. ''You don't have to go.''

''You have plans,'' Andy answered. ''And that's fine, really. I'll call Traci and see if she wants to have lunch or something. It's been a while since we talked.''

''What did we say about running?'' Sam asked with a little more force. He knew they were both still working on things, but he wasn't going to let her run when things between them had been going so great.

''I'm not running,'' Andy protested. When he raised an eyebrow at her she squinted her eyes together. ''I'm not. You weren't counting on me and made plans. I'm a grown up, I don't need a babysitter.''

''I know you don't need a babysitter,'' Sam said with a sigh. ''I just want to be here for you.''

''And you have been.'' Andy looked at him sincerely and she smiled. ''And I love you for it, but I am honestly fine. Things will be fine.''

''I can go to Sarah another time.''

''No, you'll go today. She's counting on you.'' Andy quickly kissed Sam's cheek and jumped out of bed again. ''It's okay, I promise.''

While Andy was showering Sam was making breakfast. Since they hadn't eaten the night before he figured they could use a good breakfast. Twenty minutes later Andy walked in freshly showered. She still looked tired, but she didn't look so broken anymore.

When they were silently eating their breakfast Sam was looking at Andy. She felt his eyes on her and she looked at her shirt. ''Is there something on me?'' she wondered. ''What are you looking at?''

''Come with me,'' Sam said.

''What?'' Andy laughed.

''To Sarah, come with me?''

Andy looked shocked for a second and then quickly shook her head. ''I am fine Sam. You don't need to ask me along with you just so you can keep an eye on me.''

''It's not that,'' he tried. ''She told me that she wants to meet you. I want you two to meet. She's really doing a lot better now and I think she'll like meeting you.''

''Sounds like a pity invitation to me,'' Andy said as she chewed on her eggs. ''You've never talked about me coming along before and now all of the sudden it has to happen today?''

''Fine, if you don't want to, but I want you to.''

''Why?'' Andy wondered. '"Why now?''

''Because I want the two most important women in my life to meet. Sarah is always accusing me of being ashamed of her. I think she would be hurt if you didn't come along.''

''Why didn't you want to bring me last week?'' Andy challenged him. ''Why does it have to be today of all days?''

Sam sighed and stepped closer to her. ''I usually go whenever you're working. Please just come?''

''What does she know about me?'' Andy questioned. ''You told her about me?''

''She told me that I'm smiling more and that I look healthier. She drew the conclusion that I'm seeing someone. Then she told me that she would like to meet you one day if I'd feel comfortable with that.''

Andy smiled and grabbed Sam by the hem of his shirt. She pulled him towards her and quickly kissed him. It was supposed to be a quick kiss, but when Sam put his hand on the counter behind her she deepened the kiss.

After a minute they broke apart. He lovingly nudged her nose with his and gave her another chased kiss. ''You smile more, huh?''

''Apparently,'' Sam said. ''Just come with me. I promise you that it's not a pity invitation and it's not so I can keep an eye on you. I just really want you two to meet.''

''I'm nervous,'' Andy admitted.

''She'll love you,'' Sam promised. ''She doesn't have a lot of people, but I know she'll warm up to you soon enough.''

''Are you sure she'll be comfortable with me around?'' Andy questioned. ''She has been home for just a few weeks, maybe she needs a little more time?''

''She won't. She'll be happy to meet you.''

As much as Andy was happy that Sam was opening up and sharing his life with her, she really didn't know what to think of this. It felt like a pity invitation, but if he promised that it wasn't then she had to believe him. ''Okay,'' she reluctantly said. ''If that's what you want.''

''It is,'' Sam smiled. ''I want you to meet her.''

''Well, then I guess I'm meeting her.''

XX

When they reached Sarah's house Andy looked at Sam. ''Why couldn't you just call her and tell her I'm coming along. I feel like an intruder.''

Sam laughed and looked at her. ''It's going to be fine. She's going to love you.'' He got out of the truck and waited until Andy joined him. He grabbed her hand and laced their fingers together. ''Just see.''

Andy took a deep breath and followed Sam's lead. When he ran his finger over her knuckles she knew it was his way of reassuring her. When they reached the front step Sam gave a quick knock on the door.

''You don't have a key?'' Andy wondered. With the way Sam described their relationship she definitely expected him to just walk in.

''Only for emergencies,'' Sam explained. ''She wants to have some privacy and she has a right to it.''

''Of course,'' Andy agreed.

A minute later the door opened and Andy was met with someone who looked a lot different than what she was expecting. Because of everything she knew about Sarah she was expecting a fragile and small woman. Sarah looked healthy and strong though.

''Sam,'' Sarah said. Sam let go of Andy's hand and took a step forward to hug his sister. He kissed her cheek and stepped back again. ''You look good sis,'' he said. Then he turned around and held out his hand to Andy again.

Andy shyly grabbed his hand and smiled at Sarah.

''I brought someone I want you to meet,'' he warmly said. ''This is Andy.''

Andy let go of Sam and held out her hand. ''Hi, it's nice to meet you,'' she said. Sarah took her hand and gave her a small handshake. ''Andy McNally,'' Andy introduced herself.

''I'm Sarah Swarek,'' Sarah said. ''Sam's sister.'' She dropped her hand back to her side and turned to Sam. ''You didn't tell me you were bringing her.''

''It was kind of last minute,'' Sam explained. ''But I really wanted you two to meet each other.''

''Hope I'm not intruding?'' Andy asked. They were still out on the porch and she was feeling a little uncomfortable.

Sarah quickly shook her head and stepped back. ''No, of course not. You're welcome. Please come in.''

Andy followed Sam inside. When he took her coat he gave her a reassuring smile. After they hung up their coats they joined Sarah in the living room. ''This is nice,'' Andy said. The room was decorated warmly and unique.

''Thank you,'' Sarah simply said. ''I like decorating.''

''You took these pictures yourself?'' Andy asked. ''They are gorgeous.'' On the wall were a lot of pictures made in nature. They all had a special touch about them.

''Yeah, another hobby,'' Sarah answered. She stood next to Andy and looked at the wall. ''This one I made last week. There's a park close by and the sun was shining through the leafs. Really pretty sight.''

''It really is a great picture,'' Andy complimented. ''I like this one too.''

''I took that one a few years back,'' Sarah said. She ran her finger across the picture and smiled. ''It's one of my best so far. I really want to go to Europe sometime. I would love to go to Rome and Paris to do some photographing.''

''Well, you never know, right?'' Andy asked. ''It can always happen.''

''We'll see,'' Sarah softly said. ''Sam told me you work with him?''

''Yeah, he was my training officer actually. We don't really work together that much since he made detective, but it's nice to work in the same place.'' Andy looked at Sam. He looked happy.

''He told me he wasn't such a fan of you at first,'' Sarah said with a small laugh behind her voice.

''Not really, no.'' Andy shook her head and laughed along. ''I think he was just about ready to bite my head off that first day.''

''Eight months McNally,'' Sam weighed in. ''Eight months of my life and all for nothing. It takes a few hours to get over that.''

XX

The rest of the day they spend together talking and getting to know each other. Sarah asked Sam to take a look at her sink. When he went to work she suggested that she and Andy could go to the park because Andy was genuinely interested in her photography.

They stayed away for about an hour and a half. Sam was about to get worried when he saw them walking towards the house, laughing. It had been a very long time since Sam had seen Sarah laugh like that.

After that they had a quick dinner, and then it was time to go back to Toronto.

''It was really nice to meet you Andy,'' Sarah said when they said their goodbyes. ''Be sure to come over more often. My door is always open.''

''I'll be sure to do that,'' Andy promised. ''And you can always come to Toronto too.''

Sarah quickly turned her gaze to the floor and Sam used that moment to step in. ''See you later sis,'' he softly said. ''We'll come back soon.''

''Take care of her Sam,'' Sarah warned him. ''She's a keeper.''

As soon as they were on the road back to Toronto Sam looked at Andy. ''She really liked you,'' he told her. ''It has been a long time since I've seen her open up to someone that quickly.''

''I liked her too,'' Andy said. ''Was it stupid to say she could come to Toronto? Her mood kind of changed.''

''She doesn't like the city,'' Sam explained. ''But it's okay.''

''She's not what I expected.''

''What did you expect?'' Sam wondered.

''I don't know,'' Andy truthfully said. ''After everything you told me, I think that I pictured her a little bit more..''

''Unstable?''

''Something like that, but not in a wrong way.'' Andy took a deep breath and shrugged. ''Don't take it the wrong way.''

''I won't, I get it.''

''Thanks for bringing me along,'' Andy told him after a while. ''I needed this. Really took my mind off everything that happened yesterday.''

''Good,'' Sam said. He grabbed her hand and pressed his lips against her hand. ''That's really good.''

XX

**A/N: I think there are about 1 or 2 more chapters to this story. I think I've tortured both of them enough...**

**Let me know what you think!**


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